Friday Jokes

[ricardian]

[Slasher]

Bad news for dyslexics - on 27 October your cock goes black

A bloke wanders into a public dunny and has a piss. He has a quick look at the nigga standing next to him and gasps “wow man that’s a bloody impressive tool you got there! Wish I had one meself!”

The negro says “that’s easy baas. Y’all hang a roped house brick from yer knob and it’ll be like mine in a month.”

Bloke thanks him, zips up and goes off.

As chance would have it they both meet up at the public urinal at the same time 2 weeks later. The whitey removes the brick and starts pissing.

Black bloke asks how’s it going with his suggested brick method.

“Great mate! It’s half black already!”

[ricardian]

A very ingenious mum!

[1DC]

Bloke went to Barbados on holiday, he went to a bar and eventually needed the bog. When he was their a local came in and used the urinal next to him, he couldn't resist having a peep."Thats novel ", he says "Wendy must be some girl" What do mean " replies the local. "You have Wendy tattooed on your tool".says our man. " Dat don't say Wendy, it says welcome to Barbados and I hope you have a nice holiday" !!

[ian16th]

Squats.jpg (43.8 KiB) Viewed 573 times

[ricardian]

The Daily Wail gets it wrong yet again

[ExSp33db1rd]

#3486 is particularly interesting, it being 250 years since Captain Cook landed in New Zealand and had a "difference of opinion" with a few Maori Meeters and Greeters. A replica of his ship, the Endeavour, has sailed into Gisborne today, in Celebration", but I gather not all are "celebrating" ! ?

Following a previous visit to my part of New Zealand some years ago, I bought an "Endeavour" logo'd Tee Shirt. I don't think I'll wear it around town today !

[FD2]

I heard someone complaining on the news tonight that Cook's arrival had stopped the development of Maori civilisation. Joking aside, I think that things weren't that much more civilised for the lower classes in Britain in 1769!

[FD2]

https://www.bbc.com/news/av/world-asia- ... our-people

[Slasher]

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[llondel]

Every morning I announce to my family that I'm going jogging, but then don't go.

It's a running joke.

[Magnus]

A scottish comedian told a story about standing next to a black gentleman in the toilet. Apparently it was like Kojak in a turtleneck sweater. The gentleman asked "How do you and your wife manage to have sex"? He replied "Easy; it's twice as big and there's two of us looking for it".

Hector Nicol, BTW.

[ricardian]

Don't all rush at once!

[Pontius Navigator]

A scottish comedian told a story about standing next to a black gentleman in the toilet. Apparently it was like Kojak in a turtleneck sweater. The gentleman asked "How do you and your wife manage to have sex"? He replied "Easy; it's twice as big and there's two of us looking for it".

Hector Nicol, BTW.

Nope?

How you tell 'em I guess

[ExSp33db1rd]

Cook's arrival had stopped the development of Maori civilisation.

On the contrary, it made it possible.

( Sorry, thread dift )

[FD2]

Yes Speedy, sorry for drift too, but agree it might just have had an improving effect!

[bob2s]

Walking time from Home to Pub -5 minutes,time from Pub to Home 40 minutes.
The difference is staggering.

[Slasher]

I think you’ve been Ricardianised bob.

If you ever decide to give yourself over to the Dark Side of the Ops-normal Force, the Slasherisation process is a slow but very enjoyable course!

[ricardian]

Sid was in stood at the bar, complaining that he'd had a really bad couple of days; yesterday his pizza was burnt and his evening beer was frozen, and to cap it all today his girlfriend had announced that she was pregnant.
The barman said "You know what your trouble is Sid, you can't take anything out on time!"

[ricardian]

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