Friday Jokes

[ricardian]

[Boac]

Obviously about to grease a nipple, eh Slasher?

[barkingmad]

More like an undercarriage inspection?!

[Pontius Navigator]

Checking the bush?

[barkingmad]

Bushes very often suffer from excess play?

Worn flanges causing a lot of down time?

And so on......

[Pontius Navigator]

Might be a problem with the exhaust pipe or a fluid leak. He might need to jack it up.

[bob2s]

One for Slasher,


Today Slasher's book " The best Places To Have Kinky And Exciting Sex" was published.It will be on bookshelves on Monday..Then on top of the washing machine on Tuesday... .Wednesday it's on the back seat of the car.... Thursdays the kitchen table..

[Hydromet]

Re the TPBM thread: My girlfriend said she like double entendres, so I gave her one.

[ExSp33db1rd]

70 YEAR OLD AND YOUNG GIRL
A 70-year-old man is having a drink in a bar.
Suddenly a gorgeous girl enters and sits down a few seats away. The girl is so attractive that he just can't take his eyes off her. After a short while, the girl notices him staring, and approaches him. Before the man has time to apologize, the girl looks him deep in the eyes and says to him in a sultry tone: "I'll do anything you'd like. Anything you can imagine in your wildest dreams, it doesn't matter how extreme or unusual it is, I'm game.
I want $100, and there's another condition".
Completely stunned by the sudden turn of events, the man asks her what her condition is.
"You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words." The man takes a moment to consider the offer from the beautiful woman. He whips out his wallet and puts $100 dollars in her hand
--- He then looks her square in the eyes, and says slowly and clearly:

"Paint my house."

(Our needs change as we get older, and we tend to look for bargains)

[Slasher]

Today Slasher's book " The best Places To Have Kinky And Exciting Sex" was published.It will be on bookshelves on Monday..Then on top of the washing machine on Tuesday... .Wednesday it's on the back seat of the car.... Thursdays the kitchen table..

It can’t have been authored by me bob. I’ve never done it on a bookshelf.

Hmm...I might try that one.

Edit: just texted the missus. She’s game!

[ricardian]

Only those of a certain age will understand this

[Slasher]

Only those of a certain age will understand this

Wile E was never smashed into by a pumpkin Ric. Was he?

[ricardian]

I have no doubt that this will lead to an interview without coffee & bikkies

[FD2]

I once did that to a tent trying to land at a campsite up Goat Fell, Arran. We were looking for a missing climber. The tent was the kazi and there was a young woman using it at the time.

Somewhere there is a clip of a Merlin blowing over a whole row of portaloos, on Dartmoor I think. Found it! I think that was when the RAF still operated them.

[Pontius Navigator]

Shut but the fan, FD2?

[FD2]

Wouldn't like to clean that lot up! Even worse, to be inside one of them when destiny strikes.

[Pontius Navigator]

B*gger, predictive text

***** hit the . . .

[4mastacker]

When a certain terrorist group were active around the UK, gate guards had to check the undersides of cars with a big mirror. At the entrance to a certain CHQ near Huntingdon, the station padre and his wife pulled up and showed their ID and vehicle pass. The mirror was shoved under the car and one of the guards, a Cpl from JARIC noted for his sense of humour, told the padre's wife that she had a bit of chewing gum on the sole of her shoe. Cue padre's wife going bright red and tucking her skirt underneath her legs. Padre thought it was hilarious and was laughing like a hyena until he saw the look on the face of his wife.

[ricardian]

Neanderthal ingenuity

[Magnus]

Neanderthals dragged their women along by the hair, 'cos if you drag them by the ankles they fill up with sand.