Friday Jokes

[ricardian]

Teenage girl to her friend: "I took a pregnancy test today."
Her friend: "Were the questions difficult?"

[1DC]

Michelle and Tracy were walking through Selfridges when they came across the perfume counter. Perusing the stock Shelle found a fancy looking bottle and says 'Cor, look at this Trace, Vines a Moy. Aint seen this before'
The sales assistant says, 'Madam, that isn't Vines a Moy it is Viens a Moi,which is French for come to me and dabs a bit on her hand'
Oh says Shelle, has a sniff and says. 'Well it don't smell like come to me, does it smell like come to you Trace?''..

[ricardian]

Oh dear Dumbo!

[ribrash]

A man walks into a zoo and sees a cage that contains a wolf and a lamb.
Astonished, he asks one of the staff how long do they have this kind of wolf and lamb cage, and he's told that they have had it for three years now.
"And how did you manage to keep this for such a long time?" asks the man.
"It's easy, you just have to bring a new lamb every day."

[Ex-Ascot]

Oh dear Dumbo!

Ricardian, I thought that i had seen every Far Side cartoon but never seen that one. There used to be a Far Side shop in Washington DC which I frequented.

Actually that is not a joke here. Animals on the airstrips are a big problem. Before you land they drive up and down the strip to ensure that it is clear. Then you do an overhead join regardless of which runway they are on to check that it is clear. All pretty pointless as something can wander or dash out of the bush as you touch down. The big things move pretty slowly but even a warthog can take out your landing gear. It has been done.

[Capetonian]

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[Capetonian]

Sometimes, comment is superfluous.

This is from a recent Facebook post:

“The Flat Earth Society has members all around the globe.”

[Flintstone]

I'm having a whale of a time with the flatearthers on YouTube, you would not believe their levels of stupidity.

[ricardian]

Oh dear Dumbo!

Actually that is not a joke here. Animals on the airstrips are a big problem. Before you land they drive up and down the strip to ensure that it is clear. Then you do an overhead join regardless of which runway they are on to check that it is clear. All pretty pointless as something can wander or dash out of the bush as you touch down. The big things move pretty slowly but even a warthog can take out your landing gear. It has been done.

Same problem here with geese - at various times of the year there are thousands of them. The fire crew drive their crash vehicle up and down the runway to scatter the geese before an Islander lands. The geese also leave huge quantities of goose sh1t all over the runway & taxiways,
It's also been known for a goose or large bird to penetrate the windscreen of an Islander as it flies between the North Isles, that's why there's always a leather flying helmet & goggles hanging up next to the pilot

[ExSp33db1rd]

Before you land they drive up and down the strip to ensure that it is clear.

Local regional New Zealand airport, pre-loaded shotgun fires just before every landing, followed by a "scaring" car, to keep the birds away.

The Aero Club have an aircraft of which the previous owner, a farmer, had fitted a Klaxon horn and often had to fly over his airstrip to get the cows to move away, not sure how successful it was, or maybe it was just to alert staff, or a trained dog, to go and shoo them away !

[FD2]

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[ricardian]

[Pontius Navigator]

It's also been known for a goose or large bird to penetrate the windscreen of an Islander as it flies between the North Isles, that's why there's always a leather flying helmet & goggles hanging up next to the pilot

Hoping the goose will hit the helmet rather than the pilot?

[Pontius Navigator]

As we are on birds not jokes.

An E3 crashed at Elmendorf after massive geese strikes on #1 %2 engines. They had been disturbed by the departure of a C130 ahead of the E3.

I once observed the behaviour of a large flock of Canada Geese on a bombing range. Their preferred evening landing site was around the target. After they landed a bomber dropped a bomb. The geese all took off, flew a circuit and were soon bedded down in time for the next bomb

[ricardian]

This isn't really a joke

[Boac]

Poignant, ric, and sadly true.

[ricardian]

[ricardian]

[ricardian]

Another elephant/mammoth joke for ex-Ascot

[Capetonian]