Friday Jokes

[Karearea]

Sign in a cafe:
We have made a change. Helen Wait is now our service manager so if you need service, please go to Helen Wait.

^ Or go to Helen Hunt for it.

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

If you need transportation, go to Helena Handcart.

[Opsboi]

If you need transportation, go to Helena Handcart.

Or ask for Mike Hunt

[OFSO]

A colleague named Heather Kochinovska who bore a starting resemblance to Miss Piggy ran the bar at work. She'd regularly get calls in the evening asking if Mike Hunt was there, and she'd shout "Where's Mike Hunt ? Anybody seen Mike Hunt ?"

(Apologies if she's reading this. Somehow I doubt it.....)

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

[Hydromet]

Magnetic Island, 1930s or '40s.

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

Looks like she launched a thousand ships...by headbutting them down the slipway.

[Woody]

[bob2s]

For those who don't want Alexa listening in on your conversations, they're making a male version---- it doesn't listen to anything.

[admin2]

I have had one complaint about your post, Ricardian, and thus moved it to the Sick Jokes thread

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

The correct pronouns to use for addressing hills are them/thar

[G-CPTN]

Who reported it?

[Hydromet]

For those who don't want Alexa listening in on your conversations, they're making a male version---- it doesn't listen to anything.

Mrs Hydro believes she has the prototype.

[Karearea]

It was I.
Any further comments by PM, thanks.

[admin2]

Time, I think, to comment on this thread of late. Firstly I have removed certain posts from the bespectacled elderly gentlemen of the Tunbridge Wells ‘Annoyed Club’ which were unnecessary.

Secondly, I understood this site was to run essentially on ‘self-moderation’ with only occasional admin action. Karearea raised an observation on a particular post, and I agreed with the view and moved the post to a more appropriate thread. Since disaster now appears to have befallen us all, I will point out that the post is still freely available for all members to view, so no rending of hair shirts needed? As Karearea has requested, any further discussion on this report should take place by PM. I work on the principle that there are some things that would be better posted out of sight of anyone with internet access, including young children, hence the ‘Members Only’ section.

It is an opportune moment to also comment on word censorship. You will all have noticed that once the potty-mouthed Plum left us, the censorship has slackened significantly. Again, I did not feel that all viewers with internet access, kids included, should have been exposed to his language. I have noted that at least one member has for a while been going out of his way to ‘skillfully’ avoid any such censorship. I am watching.

[Pinky the pilot]

You'll get no arguments from me, Admin2.

I daresay that some will disagree with that, but if it appears that it's 50% 'afore ya', and 50% 'agin ya' then I think that you have got it about right!

For the record; I did think that Ricardian's post was a little OTT!

[admin2]

Noted PtP.

I ask that we draw the line under this discussion here and if anyone wishes to continue, please post on viewtopic.php?f=23&t=4483#p178814

[CharlieOneSix]

pouffe.jpg (32.3 KiB) Viewed 759 times

[Archer]

A woman awakes in the middle of the night to find her husband not in bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of hot cocoa in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes away a tear from his eye. "What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room.... "Why are you down here at this time of night!?" The husband looks up from his drink, "It's the 20th Anniversary of the day we met." She can't believe he has remembered and starts to tear up. The husband continues, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we started dating? I was 18 and you were only 15," he said solemnly. Once again, the wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes, I do" she replies. The husband pauses....... The words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?" "Yes, I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him. The husband continued. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, Either you marry my daughter or I will make sure you spend the next 20 years in prison?" "I remember that, too" she replied softly... He sighed as he wiped another tear away from his cheek and said, "I would have gotten out today."

[Ex-Ascot]

Another one.