Friday Jokes
Re: Friday Jokes
This is why most of the English-speaking world spells it correctly as "arse".
Re: Friday Jokes
Yes - I was puzzled for a time why Americans were so keen on kicking their enemy's donkeys/burros...
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Re: Friday Jokes
How do you tell the sex of an ant?
Drop it in water.
If it sinks: girl ant.
If it floats...
Drop it in water.
If it sinks: girl ant.
If it floats...
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
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- Chief Pilot
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Re: Friday Jokes
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
- Woody
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- Chief Pilot
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Re: Friday Jokes
A woman goes to a newspaper office, and says, "I want to put a notice in the paper, for my dog, who has gone missing."
"Certainly madam. It's ten words for £30."
The woman puts thirty quid on the desk, and says "Please print 'Woof woof woof. Woof, woof woof! Woof woof. Woof?"
"Oh!" says the receptionist, "You can add another 'woof' for your £30!"
"Are you mad?" asks the woman. "That wouldn't make any sense at all!"
"Certainly madam. It's ten words for £30."
The woman puts thirty quid on the desk, and says "Please print 'Woof woof woof. Woof, woof woof! Woof woof. Woof?"
"Oh!" says the receptionist, "You can add another 'woof' for your £30!"
"Are you mad?" asks the woman. "That wouldn't make any sense at all!"
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
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Re: Friday Jokes
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
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- Chief Pilot
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Re: Friday Jokes
Seen on another forum:
• An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television, getting drunk, and smoking cigars.
• A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.
• A bar was walked into by the passive voice.
• An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.
• Two quotation marks walk into a “bar.”
• A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.
• Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything.
• A question mark walks into a bar?
• A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.
• Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out -- we don't serve your type."
• A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to nip it in the bud.
• A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.
• Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart.
• A synonym strolls into a tavern.
• At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar -- fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.
• A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little sentence fragment.
• Falling slowly, softly falling, the chiasmus collapses to the bar floor.
• A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered.
• An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles heel.
• The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.
• A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned by a man with a glass eye named Ralph.
• The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.
• A dyslexic walks into a bra.
• A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines.
• A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert.
• A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget.
• A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony
• An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television, getting drunk, and smoking cigars.
• A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.
• A bar was walked into by the passive voice.
• An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.
• Two quotation marks walk into a “bar.”
• A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.
• Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything.
• A question mark walks into a bar?
• A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.
• Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out -- we don't serve your type."
• A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to nip it in the bud.
• A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.
• Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart.
• A synonym strolls into a tavern.
• At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar -- fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.
• A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little sentence fragment.
• Falling slowly, softly falling, the chiasmus collapses to the bar floor.
• A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered.
• An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles heel.
• The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.
• A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned by a man with a glass eye named Ralph.
• The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.
• A dyslexic walks into a bra.
• A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines.
• A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert.
• A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget.
• A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
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- Capt
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Re: Friday Jokes
Ta ricardian, I really liked that one.
The Ancient Mariner
The Ancient Mariner
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- Capt
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Re: Friday Jokes
In addition to #8990 I would like to print out that list that ric posted - however comma I can't work out how to print it. I know it's a really numpty question but how do I do it?? Can anyone help please.
The Ancient Mariner
The Ancient Mariner
Re: Friday Jokes
Try highlighting it, right click, copy and paste somewhere you can print from - Notepad/Word etc?
Re: Friday Jokes
Woman #1: How did you meet your husband?
Woman #2: I'm a pharmacist. He came in to buy condoms, asked for XXXXXL.It was only after we got married that I realised he stutters.
Woman #2: I'm a pharmacist. He came in to buy condoms, asked for XXXXXL.It was only after we got married that I realised he stutters.
- Fox3WheresMyBanana
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Re: Friday Jokes
Three blondes walk into a bar...
..you'd think one of them would have noticed!
..you'd think one of them would have noticed!
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Re: Friday Jokes
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
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- Station Padre
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Re: Friday Jokes
Wunderbar!!!!
- Fox3WheresMyBanana
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Re: Friday Jokes
As an dilettante engineer, I would surmise 3 possible causes:
1. Overload, possibly due to rainwater absorption during transit
2. Corrosion, due to transport of wet loads
3. Any one of the rather large gentlemen in the picture sat on it
1. Overload, possibly due to rainwater absorption during transit
2. Corrosion, due to transport of wet loads
3. Any one of the rather large gentlemen in the picture sat on it
- Fox3WheresMyBanana
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Re: Friday Jokes
I before E except after "Old MacDonald had a farm".