Friday Jokes
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- Chief Pilot
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Re: Friday Jokes
Around the world thoughts shall fly In the twinkling of an eye
Re: Friday Jokes
A vegan and a vegetarian jump off a cliff to see which one will hit the bottom first, who wins ?
Society
Society
- Fox3WheresMyBanana
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Re: Friday Jokes
John Cooper Clarke"Oldham...It's not twinned with anywhere, but it's got a suicide pact with G'dansk"
- OFSO
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Re: Friday Jokes
My friend confessed his mother made him a homosexual. I said "if I buy her the wool, would she make me one too ?"
- Fox3WheresMyBanana
- Chief Pilot
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Re: Friday Jokes
Today's top headline
..and you're thinking..Can't be a lawyer or a politician, they aren't human...Game Show Host!Chinese Scientists Implant First Pig Liver Into Brain-Dead Human
- Woody
- Chief Pilot
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Re: Friday Jokes
When all else fails, read the instructions.
- tango15
- Chief Pilot
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Re: Friday Jokes
An oldie but one that's not had an outing for a while:
St Peter had noticed that the angels had been working particularly hard, so he allowed them to visit Earth for a few days, with a dire warning that they were to behave themselves. A few days later, they all return to heaven and St Peter checks them back in. The last to arrive is Gabriel, who St Peter notices, is without his harp. He is questioned about this, but can't remember what happened. St Peter suggests he gets together with his colleagues to try to remember where he left it. An hour later, he returns to St Peter and says he now remembers where he left it. "OK," says St Peter."Well as you know, I can see everything that happens on Earth and I want you to sing about where you left the harp."
"Sing about it?"
"Yes."
Gabriel goes off and talks to the other angels again, then returns to St Peter. "OK, I'm ready to sing now."
"Go ahead."
"I left my harp in Sam Plank's Disco..."
St Peter had noticed that the angels had been working particularly hard, so he allowed them to visit Earth for a few days, with a dire warning that they were to behave themselves. A few days later, they all return to heaven and St Peter checks them back in. The last to arrive is Gabriel, who St Peter notices, is without his harp. He is questioned about this, but can't remember what happened. St Peter suggests he gets together with his colleagues to try to remember where he left it. An hour later, he returns to St Peter and says he now remembers where he left it. "OK," says St Peter."Well as you know, I can see everything that happens on Earth and I want you to sing about where you left the harp."
"Sing about it?"
"Yes."
Gabriel goes off and talks to the other angels again, then returns to St Peter. "OK, I'm ready to sing now."
"Go ahead."
"I left my harp in Sam Plank's Disco..."
- OFSO
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Re: Friday Jokes
Talking to an old colleague the other day, reminiscing about former days at the Ops Control Centre in Darmstadt. "Whatever happened to old so-and-so ?"
Oh didn't you hear, frightful scandal.
He had to leave.
"What happened ?"
Well, remember those interminable night shifts, a pass every ninety minutes, a few commands to uplink. He got fed up with it. Then some fool of a spacecraft controller said to him "you could train a monkey to do this". Set him thinking. So he went to the local zoo, bought a chimpanzee, brought him back. Smuggled him into the OCR, taught him a few basic responses along the lines off "if you see this on the display, push this button." Chimpanzee got really good at it, old H would throw him a bunch of bananas each evening and clear off down the Kleines Parliament (a local pub).
"So what happened ?"
-more-
Oh didn't you hear, frightful scandal.
He had to leave.
"What happened ?"
Well, remember those interminable night shifts, a pass every ninety minutes, a few commands to uplink. He got fed up with it. Then some fool of a spacecraft controller said to him "you could train a monkey to do this". Set him thinking. So he went to the local zoo, bought a chimpanzee, brought him back. Smuggled him into the OCR, taught him a few basic responses along the lines off "if you see this on the display, push this button." Chimpanzee got really good at it, old H would throw him a bunch of bananas each evening and clear off down the Kleines Parliament (a local pub).
"So what happened ?"
-more-
- OFSO
- Chief Pilot
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Re: Friday Jokes
Well, one day the Ops Flight Director came in at 3am, showing some German Floozie the control room to impress her, and there's the blasted chimpanzee merrily uplinking commands to ***. He had H up on the carpet the next morning with his boss from Airworks, sent packing on the spot. Dreadful really.
"And what happened" I asked "to the chimpanzee ?"
'Oh he did frightfully well', said my friend, 'he's now a SATCO at Frankfurt a. Main international airport !'
"And what happened" I asked "to the chimpanzee ?"
'Oh he did frightfully well', said my friend, 'he's now a SATCO at Frankfurt a. Main international airport !'
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- Chief Pilot
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Re: Friday Jokes
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
Re: Friday Jokes
That picture is obviously a fake since we all know that the king is dead - it was on all the Russian channels.
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- Chief Pilot
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Re: Friday Jokes
Doctor: How many times do you exercise?
Me: 3 times.
Doctor: A week? A month?
Me: I have given my answer.
Me: 3 times.
Doctor: A week? A month?
Me: I have given my answer.
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
Re: Friday Jokes
"Whenever I feel the urge to exercise I lie down until I feel better."
Quote from a work colleague who preferred to spend his lunchtime in the pub rather than playing squash.
He outlived the squash player (both in their 50s).
Quote from a work colleague who preferred to spend his lunchtime in the pub rather than playing squash.
He outlived the squash player (both in their 50s).
- Ex-Ascot
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Re: Friday Jokes
Treats
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'Yes, Madam, I am drunk, but in the morning I shall be sober and you will still be ugly.' Sir Winston Churchill.
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- Chief Pilot
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Re: Friday Jokes
Whitehall village, the harbour & Papa Stronsay basking in the sun today (Wed 20 Mar).
(Photo taken from the Islander by Marion Miller)
(Photo taken from the Islander by Marion Miller)
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
Re: Friday Jokes
Looks neat and tidy and, warming up nicely this time of year. Not many trees!
Been in data comm since we formed the bits individually with a Morse key.