Friday Jokes

[Slasher]

[ricardian]

Oh dear!

[Fliegenmong]

Ricardian post 3418!....Honestly, that happened to me, with my Sons teacher! :/

[Pontius Navigator]

Oh dear!

What is it? A Trotwhiler?

[ricardian]

Proof positive

[ricardian]

[Boac]

Ric - the really worrying thing about 'Proof Positive' is that someone has let the Chump loose on COLOURED Sharpies now!

[Pontius Navigator]

Probably borrowed an unused set from the USMC guards.

[Hydromet]

How the hell did they find a 14 year old virgin in Texas??

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

State Champion runner, and faster than all of her brothers

and her pa! (No wait, that's Tennessee)

[Stoneboat]

Where'd she get the flue shot, right up the pipe?

<<(No wait, that's Tennessee)>>
Watch it, Planepsycho'll come up and burn down your barn.

[Slasher]

[OFSO]

Great stuff Willie....

[ricardian]

Sssshhh!

[ricardian]

Oh to be a fly on the wall!

[CharlieOneSix]

Greta the Climate Child tries to fly home with Thomas Cook
.

[prospector]

Very Good, she sure looks worried when her pony tail is under threat.

[ricardian]

One for the ex-Ascots:
The lion was prowling through the jungle. Every so often he would pause and roar out for all to hear. “I am Lion, the King of the beasts of the jungle and Ruler of all who live here!” It had the desired effect. At the sound of his mighty roar, all the other four-footed animals fled away in terror through the undergrowth, monkeys went scampering up the tallest trees they could find and birds took to the skies by the thousands, in alarm. The lion continued this way, throwing out his challenge to all and sundry. At length he came to a river and knelt down on his front paws to drink deeply of the cool water.
As he knelt there, a huge black gorilla came swinging along on the vines and seeing the lion’s inviting rump waving high in the air, swooped up from behind and began to roger the King of beasts.
The Lion was enraged but since he was halfway down the bank with his front paws now driven deep in the mud, he could not get free and all he could do was to scream at the gorilla, telling him exactly what he was going to do to him as soon as he got free.
The gorilla took his time, laughing all the while at the lion’s rage and when he eventually he had satisfied his lust, he patted the lion affectionately on the rum and went swinging away, from vine to vine, high out of reach of his vengeful victim now blundering through the undergrowth, yelling insults and issuing bloodthirsty threats. The gorilla soon outpaced him but was aware that wherever he went , the monkeys, terrified as they were of the lion, would come down from the tops of the trees to point out to their ruler, the way he had gone and the lion would not give up the chase however far he travelled.
He came eventually to a clearing by the track to a native village. Behind a high circular timber fence there was a missionary station, a large bungalow in the middle of a grassed area. The gorilla dropped easily into the enclosure much to the surprise of the sole occupant, an elderly cleric sitting on a deckchair reading a newspaper. Seizing the advantage, the gorilla chinned the missionary and after removing his straw hat, spectacles, dog collar and jacket, slung the unconscious man into some shrubbery.
Just then the lion came panting up to the stockade and had just enough energy to pull himself up it to look over the top. The gorilla was seated on the deckchair wearing the Panama hat, dog collar and linen jacket. Reading the paper.
“Hey Padre!” he called, “Have you seen a bloody great big black gorilla just now?”
The gorilla lowered the paper and looking at the lion over his half-moon glasses, inquired, “Not the same black gorilla that rogered the King of Beasts down by the river watering hole just now?”
“Bloody Hell!”, the lion cried in complete dismay, “Don’t tell me it’s in The Times already?”

[OFSO]

Enjoyed, but I remember Kenny Everett talking that joke on his TV show back in the mists of time. There was another rude one about some lustful beast couldn't get the pajamas off a mare - turned out to be a zebra not a horse. As Cupid Stunt would have said, all in the Best Possible Taste.

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

My favourite of his