Friday Jokes

[ricardian]

A child's unwitting revelation

[ricardian]

Q: How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Just two but how they got in there in the first place is a mystery!

[ricardian]

Simple amusements

[ricardian]

Truly responsible feline (and staff)

[ricardian]

How true!

[ricardian]

For the Ex-Ascots

[ricardian]

The following is an actual exchange of correspondence between a customer and one of the UK railway companies.

Gentlemen,
I have been riding your trains daily for the last two years, and the service on your line seems to be getting worse every day. I am tired of standing in the aisle all the time on a 14-mile trip. I think the transportation system is worse than that enjoyed by people 2,000 years ago.
Yours truly,
James Wilson

--------------------------------

Dear Mr. Wilson,
We received your letter with reference to the shortcomings of our service and believe you are somewhat confused in your history. The only mode of transportation 2,000 years ago was by foot.
Sincerely,
UK Railway Company
-----------------------------------

Gentlemen,
I am in receipt of your letter, and I think you are the ones who are confused in your history. If you will refer to the Bible and the Book of David, 9th Chapter, you will find that Balaam rode to town on his ass.
That, gentlemen, is something I have not been able to do on your train in the last two years!
Yours truly,
James Wilson.

[Phewins]

russia.jpg (152.15 KiB) Viewed 677 times

[ricardian]

Phantom shelf stacker strikes again

[ricardian]

Necessary notice

[ricardian]

Ingenious training aid

[ricardian]

Isn’t it sad how what were once really funny jokes lose all their meaning as time goes on.
I recently told the following and all I got back was blank stares from my young comrades:

A man goes into the barbers and asks for a Tony Curtis haircut.
The barber proceeds to shave his head bald.
"That’s not a Tony Curtis haircut" the man shrieked.
The barber answered "Don’t try and tell me my job, I saw The King and I seven times."

[ricardian]

Making things unnecessarily difficult

[ricardian]

Another unnecessary notice

[Pinky the pilot]

ricardian; re your post 8494;

But you can be happy if you've a mind to!

[OFSO]

Q how do you get to win the Eurovision Song Contest?
A Get Russia to invade your country.

[ricardian]

ricardian; re your post 8494;
But you can be happy if you've a mind to!

The wording on two notices on the Peak District moors amused my grandad:
"Trespassers will be propped up and shot."
"It is forbidden to throw stones at this notice."

[PHXPhlyer]

Another unnecessary notice

PP

[Boac]

Thanks, PHX - makes pinky's post a 'cracker'. I had not made the connection until your post.

[Hydromet]

The wording on two notices on the Peak District moors amused my grandad:
"Trespassers will be propped up and shot."
"It is forbidden to throw stones at this notice."

A farmer in western NSW had a sign that said "Trespassers will be shot". After complaints, it had a hand-written amendment..."Trespassers will be shot at".