Friday Jokes
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- Chief Pilot
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Re: Friday Jokes
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
Re: Friday Jokes
The good thing about the Secretary of State for International Trade (Liz Truss) is that I have always welcomed her support.
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- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 5947
- Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
- Location: 59°09N 002°38W
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- Age: 80
Re: Friday Jokes
Thank you for your support, I will always wear it...
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
-
- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 5947
- Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
- Location: 59°09N 002°38W
- Gender:
- Age: 80
Re: Friday Jokes
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
-
- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 5947
- Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
- Location: 59°09N 002°38W
- Gender:
- Age: 80
Re: Friday Jokes
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
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- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 5947
- Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
- Location: 59°09N 002°38W
- Gender:
- Age: 80
Re: Friday Jokes
A gentleman one day visited his friend's country estate so the two could catch up in leisure. Retiring to the smoking room one night, the two settled in for cognac and cigars by the fire, next to which slept the friend's old hound. After a few minutes the gentleman was surprised to hear the hound yelp "I am the world's greatest poker player!"
Convinced the cognac was muddling his senses, the gentleman ignored the hound until startled by the dog's next proclamation.
"I am personal friends with several Italian football players," he barked.
Quite perturbed, the gentleman began to scrutinize the animal in earnest. The hound seemed to stir and again made an outlandish statement, bellowing, "I can outrun a jet airplane!"
Certain this time that the hound was the source of these strange pronouncements, the gentleman turned to his friend.
"Surely, you've heard your hound saying the most incredible things! I am astounded by his behavior, it's the most extraordinary thing I've ever witnessed. Yet you've never even told me of this ability. Tell me, what do you plan to do about the animal?"
"Oh, nothing," the friend replied. "It's been ever my policy to let sleeping dogs lie."
Convinced the cognac was muddling his senses, the gentleman ignored the hound until startled by the dog's next proclamation.
"I am personal friends with several Italian football players," he barked.
Quite perturbed, the gentleman began to scrutinize the animal in earnest. The hound seemed to stir and again made an outlandish statement, bellowing, "I can outrun a jet airplane!"
Certain this time that the hound was the source of these strange pronouncements, the gentleman turned to his friend.
"Surely, you've heard your hound saying the most incredible things! I am astounded by his behavior, it's the most extraordinary thing I've ever witnessed. Yet you've never even told me of this ability. Tell me, what do you plan to do about the animal?"
"Oh, nothing," the friend replied. "It's been ever my policy to let sleeping dogs lie."
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
Re: Friday Jokes
............... "Oh, just ignore him - he's a liar"
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- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 5947
- Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
- Location: 59°09N 002°38W
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- Age: 80
Re: Friday Jokes
I found a Scottish £50 note in a Kirkwall car park. I thought to myself "What would Jesus do?"
So I turned it into wine...
So I turned it into wine...
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
- OFSO
- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 18603
- Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 6:39 pm
- Location: Teddington UK and Roses Catalunia
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- Age: 80
Re: Friday Jokes
If you like a whine, you should be drinking Red Bull. (Apologies for the Formula One reference).
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- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 5947
- Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
- Location: 59°09N 002°38W
- Gender:
- Age: 80
Re: Friday Jokes
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
-
- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 5947
- Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
- Location: 59°09N 002°38W
- Gender:
- Age: 80
Re: Friday Jokes
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
Re: Friday Jokes
Not sure whether this goes here or in the Blue Origin thread.
Re: Friday Jokes
"Can you hear me?" said Bojo in a Zoom PMQ today with a few tech issues.
"Yes", said The Speaker, "but I'm prepared to change places with someone who cannot"
"Yes", said The Speaker, "but I'm prepared to change places with someone who cannot"
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- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 5947
- Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
- Location: 59°09N 002°38W
- Gender:
- Age: 80
Re: Friday Jokes
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
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- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 5947
- Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
- Location: 59°09N 002°38W
- Gender:
- Age: 80
Re: Friday Jokes
A 77-year-old RAF Veteran is having a drink in in his local pub when a gorgeous girl enters and sits down a few seats away. The girl is so attractive that he just can't take his eyes off her. After a short while, the girl notices him staring, and approaches him.
Before the RAF veteran has time to apologize, she looks him deep in the eyes and says to him in a sultry tone: "I'll do anything you'd like. Anything you can imagine in your wildest dreams, it doesn't matter how extreme or unusual it is, I'm game. It will cost you £100, although there's a condition".
Completely stunned by the sudden turn of events, the RAF veteran puts his mobile down and hesitantly asks her what her condition is to which she replies "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words.
The RAF veteran gulps down a mouth full of beer and takes a moment to consider the offer from this gorgeous woman. He then whips out his wallet and puts £100 in her hand. He then looks her square in the eyes and says slowly and clearly: "Paint my house."
(Our needs change as we get older)
Before the RAF veteran has time to apologize, she looks him deep in the eyes and says to him in a sultry tone: "I'll do anything you'd like. Anything you can imagine in your wildest dreams, it doesn't matter how extreme or unusual it is, I'm game. It will cost you £100, although there's a condition".
Completely stunned by the sudden turn of events, the RAF veteran puts his mobile down and hesitantly asks her what her condition is to which she replies "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words.
The RAF veteran gulps down a mouth full of beer and takes a moment to consider the offer from this gorgeous woman. He then whips out his wallet and puts £100 in her hand. He then looks her square in the eyes and says slowly and clearly: "Paint my house."
(Our needs change as we get older)
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER