Friday Jokes

[Boac]

Nicola S has released her new book "Mein Kampervan"

[Woody]

Nicola S has released her new book "Mein Kampervan"

[OFSO]

The OFSOs get on a BA 320 at LHR and it leaves on time....

[llondel]

The OFSOs get on a BA 320 at LHR and it leaves on time....

But probably isn't going where you want it to.

[OFSO]

I'd like to delete #9863. No complaints about BA now..

[Pontius Navigator]

I'd like to delete #9863. No complaints about BA now..

Now THAT is funny

[unifoxos]

But probably isn't going where you want it to.
And your luggage will be in Acapulco

[tango15]

[ricardian]

A pun has not completely matured until it is full groan.

[Woody]

[Pinky the pilot]

Nicola S has released her new book "Mein Kampervan"

Isn`t that the Combi with a dodgy, sticky clutch?

It doesn`t `kangaroo hop` if the clutch sticks, but goose steps instead!

I`ll see myself out.

[Boac]

Fy4EhXzagAAExp1.jpg (65.35 KiB) Viewed 655 times

[ricardian]

Man 1: Old MacDonald's farm is being taken over by Artificial Intelligence.
Man 2: AI?
Man 1: AI!
Man 2: Oh!

[ricardian]

Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the legs, rump and chest of each horse.
After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?"
His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy."
Johnny, looking worried, said, "Oh dear. Dad, I think the your friend Joe wants to buy Mom!"

[EA01]

This is really quite clever - Centrelink Fairy

A beautiful fairy appeared one day to an asylum seeker claimant outside
the Centrelink Offices.

'My good man,' the fairy said, 'I've been told by Anthony Albanese,
Jim Chalmers and Penny Wong to grant you three wishes, since you've
just arrived in Australia with your wife and seven children -- all
costs to be borne by Australian Tax Payers.'

The man told the fairy: 'Well, in Sri Lanka where I come from we don't
have good teeth, so I want new teeth, maybe a lot of gold in them.'

The fairy looked at the man's almost toothless grin and PING !!! The
Asylum Seeker had a brand new shining set of gold teeth in his mouth!

'What else?' asked the fairy, 'two more wishes to go!

The Asylum Seeker refugee claimant now got bolder
'I need a big house with a three car garage on the Gold Coast with eight
bedrooms - and a Gold Visa Card in each room - for my family and the
rest of my refugee relatives who still live in Sri Lanka. I want to bring them all over here'

PING ! - In the distance there could be seen a beautiful mansion with a
three car garage, a long driveway, a walkout patio with a BBQ, and a sparkling
swimming pool and a BMW, full of his nephews playing their music.

'One more wish left for you', said the fairy, waving her wand.

The Asylum Seeker refugee claimant really decided to go for broke now
and said "I want to be Australian with Australian clothes instead of
the rags and shawl, and I want to have white skin like the Australians.'

PING ! - The man was transformed, wearing worn out Stubbies shorts, a
dirty Bonds T-shirt and a greasy terry-towel hat. He had his bad
teeth back and the mansion had disappeared from the horizon.

'What happened to my new teeth?' he wailed

'Where is my new house?
Where's my Visa Gold Card?'
Where is my BMW?

The fairy said 'Tough luck. Now that you are Australian, you're entitled to sweet BUGGER ALL just
like the rest of us'

And she disappeared........

[ricardian]

One day a bus driver went to the bus garage started his bus and drove off along the route. No problem for the first few stops, a few people got on, a few got off and things went generally well. At the next stop. However, a big hulk of a chap got on. Six feet hight, built like a wrestler, knuckles almost dragging along the ground. He glared at the driver and said, “Big John doesn't have to pay!”
The driver was five feet three, thin and basically meek. Naturally, he didn't argue with Big John, but he wasn't happy about it. The next day the same thing happened. Big John got on again, said the same thing and sat down. And the next day, and the one after that. This went on and the driver started losing sleep over the way Big John was taking advantage of him.
Finally, he could stand it no longer. He signed up for body-building course, karate, judo and all that stuff. By the end of the summer, he had become quite strong, and the big thing is that he felt good about himself. So, on the next Monday when Big John once again got on the bus and said, “Big John doesn't pay!” The driver stood up, glared back at the passenger and screamed, “And why not?”
With a surprised look on his face Big John replied, “Cos I’ve got a bus pass!"

[Boac]

Thought for the day/life

[Hydromet]

[llondel]

What do you call an Irishman who steals your drink?



Nick McGuinness.

[Ex-Ascot]

Another from my repertoire.