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One Sunday after Sunday School a mother asked her very young daughter what the lesson was about.
The daughter answered, "Don't worry, you'll get your electric blanket."
Needless to say, the mother was quite perplexed. Later in the day, the vicar stopped by for tea and the mother asked him what that morning's Sunday School lesson was about. He said "Be not afraid, thy Comforter is coming."

Such as needle naddle noo.

If a man walking along the street sinks his teeth into a dog it's worthy of making the news. The other way around, it's just a bit pedestrian.

I couldn't eat a whole one as an entree, I'd have no room for soup & dessert (or cheese & bikkies)
And for goodness sake don't show this to Prince Andrew!

Time to thank ricardian again for his contributions

I often nick his stuff and post it on another site, giving the credit to a pilot who tested the prototypes of TSR2, Concorde and the Saab Viggen

They are impressed...

+1!!

After the success of drones in the war, the Ukrainians are now treating Russians waving either white flags or brown underpants as signs of surrender.

Some nicknames that have been given to some characters from Glasgow, Scotland by their workmates and friends:

*Two Soups*
- his real name is Campbell Baxter.

*Norrie Two Bonnets*
- the Glasgow taxi-driver who wears a wig under his cloth cap.

*The Colostomy*
- the girlfriend of a married man (i.e. the wee bag on the side).

*The Boomerang Kid*
- whenever anyone at work asks a question, he always replies: 'I'll get back to you on that. '

*The Parachute*
- lets everyone down at the last minute.

*Vaseline*
- his real name is Willie Burns.

*Rembrandt*
- loves saying to colleagues: 'Let me put you in the picture...'

*Bo Derek*
- a chap called Derek with terrible body odour.

*The Genie*
- magically appears whenever anyone opens a bottle.

*Dulux*
- his pals reckon he's only got one coat.

*Soapy*
- washes his hands of any problems that crop up..

*The Yeti*
- always on the sick. Many unconfirmed sightings of this guy, but nobody can prove he actually exists.

*The Gas Man*
- he's serviced loads of old boilers.

*The Hostage*
- when anyone asks for help he always replies: 'Sorry, my hands are tied.'

*The Olympic Flame*
- He never goes out.

"Harpic"
Clean round the bend.

"Minuteman"
In the habit of asking "Got a minute, mate."

"Hydraulic"
Will lift anything that's not nailed down.

"Wang"
Surname Kerr

Roman numerals have consequences

Nicknames ?

The Mirror - "I'll look into it "

The Teeth - A dentist called John Nash, ( used to frequent the local pub ! )

Google Liverpool dockers nicknames.