Royal Bank of Wankers

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Hydromet
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Re: Royal Bank of Wankers

#281 Post by Hydromet » Tue Oct 01, 2019 7:52 am

Woody, believe it when you see the money.

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Re: Royal Bank of Wankers

#282 Post by Woody » Tue Oct 01, 2019 11:27 am

Hydromet wrote:
Tue Oct 01, 2019 7:52 am
Woody, believe it when you see the money.
Latest statement says that I’m now in credit over 1000R, which considering that this time last week I allegedly owed nearly 17000R is quite a good result :o)
When all else fails, read the instructions.

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Re: Royal Bank of Wankers

#283 Post by ian16th » Tue Oct 01, 2019 12:10 pm

Woody wrote:
Tue Oct 01, 2019 11:27 am
Hydromet wrote:
Tue Oct 01, 2019 7:52 am
Woody, believe it when you see the money.
Latest statement says that I’m now in credit over 1000R, which considering that this time last week I allegedly owed nearly 17000R is quite a good result :o)
If it is a SBSA 'Consolidator Cheque Account', the pensioners special, you need to keep a minimum balance of R10 000 to avoid bank charges :(
Cynicism improves with age

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Re: Royal Bank of Wankers

#284 Post by Woody » Tue Oct 01, 2019 12:25 pm

If it is a SBSA 'Consolidator Cheque Account', the pensioners special, you need to keep a minimum balance of R10 000 to avoid bank charges
No this is just the management account for our apartment in Somerset West , apparently when I paid the money to Standard Bank, they were passing the money on without my reference number, consequently it would not show in my account as a payment X(
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Re: Royal Bank of Wankers

#285 Post by Capetonian » Wed Oct 02, 2019 4:28 pm

Another effing stupid bank, a small French bank who issued me with a credit card years ago which I keep although I don't really need.

I wrote to the Frog credit card issuer asking them to debit my card purchases from my Irish account. They wrote back and said they can do it as Ireland is in the SEPA zone. Fine.

I sent them the bank details and now they have written back saying : "Your bank has to be in the SEPA zone for this to be possible".

I am afraid my reply wasn't very polite, but the sarcasm will go over their heads.

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Re: Royal Bank of Wankers

#286 Post by 1DC » Thu Oct 03, 2019 10:54 am

Sister had £37 in the M & S bank, when i found out(she had dementia), the bank hadn't been used for four years. As power of attorney i wrote to the bank enclosing my power of attorney and explained the circumstances and asked for the 37 quid to be transferred to her Halifax account. Marks and Spencer said they would only do it if i sent a copy of the power of attorney certified by a lawyer, as that would cost more than £37 i left it. She has now passed away so i will have another go with a death certificate..

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Re: Royal Bank of Wankers

#287 Post by reddo » Fri Oct 04, 2019 6:55 pm

Yesterday I went to the RBS branch in Milton Keynes. I am the gen sec of our union and also the signatory to the accounts. (That's another story). A new person greeted me, I really wanted Emma the manager to deal with me because I don't have to explain how I wanted it done. I grinned and said to Emma "ahh a new person to train", Emma smiled and said "she's gotta learn". Cue curious look from new person. Curious look soon turned into a frown when I explained what I wanted done.... An hour later the 2 transactions were done. Yes, an hour... Even Emma had to step in, apparently "International" had changed their number and didn't tell any one. **** useless wankers. (Why don't I do online banking, not available to Trustee accounts....)

I was told the money would be transferred last night. Nope... Not done. I get onto the phone and proceed to be dicked around for about 30 minutes while I get transferred etc. Eventually, I found the right department. "The transfer was cancelled because we didn't recognise your signature". WTF! I was IN the branch with ID, they checked my ID, Emma knows me, etc. isn't that enough? Apparently not. I resigned myself to having to go back to the bank and sorting it out again next week. To say I was **** angry was an understatement.

I was filled with fury. I unleashed it at the gym growling about the **** incompetence of the bank etc. I was still **** off when I went for my bike ride at lunch time.

Imagine my joy when I checked my Bank account at the coffee stop to find all the money there. I have no idea what happened, I can only hope a few internal phone calls happened and my authenticity was vouched for.

Result.

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Re: Royal Bank of Wankers

#288 Post by ExSp33db1rd » Fri Oct 04, 2019 11:44 pm

Typical, but what to do ? Yesterday Mrs. ExS entered into a new contract with Vodaphone on our behalf ( first time customers of V'phone ) relative to a new address we will shortly move to. She gave "her" credit card number, which she uses all the time, but this was unacceptable as the account is in my name and her card is an "accessory" ( or some such word ) on my account, so she had to wait until my return home then get V'phone to call me personally, when they never even asked me for my account number, just my drivng licence details !

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Re: Royal Bank of Wankers

#289 Post by Wodrick » Fri Oct 11, 2019 2:39 pm

Received this today, don't recall them ever doing this in the more than 50 years I've had an account in their various guises.

Dear Wod,

We don't appear to have received payment to cover your latest minimum payment of £5.00 for your credit card ending xxxx xxxx xxxx xxxx which was recently due.

The quickest way to make a payment is through our mobile app or online banking if you have a current account with us.

For other ways to pay, visit natwest.com and search 'pay your credit card' which details all the ways to make a payment and their timescales.

As a helpful reminder, your monthly statement displays a payment due date for when a minimum payment is required. We always recommend that your payment reaches us by that date, although we will give you an extra day in case of oversight to ensure your payment arrives with us before a £12 late fee applies.

Always remember it's important that we have up to date contact details for you and any additional cardholders to keep you safe when making purchases online. You can update your contact details by messaging within the mobile app or calling us on the number located on the back of your card.

Thank you for banking with us.

Kind Regards

The Credit Card Team
https://www.wunderground.com/dashboard/pws/ITORRO10?cm_ven=localwx_pwsdash

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Re: Royal Bank of Wankers

#290 Post by Capetonian » Fri Oct 11, 2019 3:23 pm

My NatWest CC was for many years paid in full by direct debit. About 20 years ago I was in Bogota and purchased an item of jewellery for my then g/f (who is now my wife) and the card was declined twice. The people in the shop were very kind, typically Colombian, and offered me the use of their phone to call the UK number. Eventually I was told 'you haven't paid the minimum amount on your card'. In those days there was no such thing as immediate transfers by app/internet.
Long story short, the bank had effed up, so I had to pay with another card which was in my hotel so I had to go back across town to fetch it. I did complain to the bank and got quite a decent amount in compensation to cover costs and inconvenience, as I told them I had to go back to my office to borrow cash from a colleague (just to make them feel guiltier!)

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Re: Royal Bank of Wankers

#291 Post by ExSp33db1rd » Sat Oct 12, 2019 12:41 am

Ain't technology wonderful ? Just wasted half-an- hour with Natwest. Over two weeks ago I ordered a new UK cheque book - useful for sending grandchildren Birthday/ Christmas gifts and occasional other UK services not easily conducted Online - and I accept that postage to N.Zealand might take some time, tho' the postal service is actually quite good, but was anxious that perhaps nothing was happening. Couldn't ring any number I found, but an Online text "Chat" service promised 24/7 so had a go.

Considered slitting my throat a couple of minutes ago ! The eventual Live Agent confirmed that my order had been processed.
Question - what's an artificial intelligence bot. Boring Old Twat more like ?

Copy ...
This chat will be recorded for monitoring purposes.

Cora - Hey there. I'm Cora, your digital assistant. How can I help?

Me - Confirm that my Online request for a new cheque book made over two weeks ago is in process ?

Cora - You can order a cheque book or paying-in book online as long as you have previously ordered one for that account using telephone banking to record your preferences. Have you ever had a cheque book or paying-in book on that account?

Me - Yes, started over 50 years ago !

Cora - Ok, log in to Online Banking and select 'Payments and transfers'. Under 'Credit/cheque books', choose either 'Order cheque book' or 'Order paying-in book'. Pick the account you wish to order one for, click 'Next', then 'Confirm' to place your order. Was that helpful?

Me - No, Did all that over two weeks ago, ARE YOU LISTENING ? I repeat PLEASE CONFIRM that the request I made Online is in process, I still await delivery.

Cora - Ah ok, I’m not sure. Could you reword your question? I'm going to need to know a bit more about that. Ask me something like, "how do I make a payment?"

Me - How can I make it simpler ? I Repeat ... I made a request for a new cheque book over two weeks ago, can you confirm that my order was received and is in progress. I HAVE NOT YET RECEIVED THE NEW CHEQUE BOOK THAT I HAVE ORDERED, WHERE IS IT ?

Cora - I didn’t get that. Could you reword that in a shorter way?

Me - WHAT IS HAPPENING ABOUT MY CHEQUE BOOK ORDER ?

Cora - You can order a cheque book or paying-in book online as long as you have previously ordered one for that account using telephone banking to record your preferences.
Have you ever had a cheque book or paying-in book on that account?

Me - YES, SEE MY PREVIOUS ANSWER

Cora - Ok, log in to Online Banking and select 'Payments and transfers'. Under 'Credit/cheque books', choose either 'Order cheque book' or 'Order paying-in book'. Pick the account you wish to order one for, click 'Next', then 'Confirm' to place your order. Did I answer your question?

Me - NO, GOODBYE, THIS IS STUPID.

Cora - Ok, let’s see if one of my colleagues are available. This can take up to a minute.
Please wait while I transfer the chat to an agent who will be able to help you further.

Me - GOOD IDEA.

Ruthra ( presumably a " live " texter ) - Hello, How may I help you today ? I’m sorry CORA wasn’t able to help you at first point of contact. CORA is an artificial intelligence bot.

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Re: Royal Bank of Wankers

#292 Post by Undried Plum » Sat Oct 12, 2019 1:18 am

I'd have asked Ruthra if she's heard of the Turing Test.

Actually, I'd have asked the bot first, but that's just because I'm a mischievious bastard.

Edited to add:
In Nya Zillun, I'd have asked the fecker how many vowels does it know.

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Re: Royal Bank of Wankers

#293 Post by FD2 » Sat Oct 12, 2019 2:10 am

Amazing breakthrough!

I went to log in to my RBS account today and got the debit card and card reader ready as the secondary security measure, but as soon as it requested my 6 figure verification code a text message with the code arrived on my New Zealand mobile! This stupidity over requesting a UK mobile number for that purpose has been going on for over 6 years now and finally the RBS has managed to program its system to send texts to foreign mobiles. By coincidence I had been looking up the name of the CEO (a Kiwi by coincidence) to send a copy of my next abusive letter to the anonymous 'team' in Chatham which is from where the letters seem to originate.

My last letter a few months ago resulted in my NZ mobile number appearing in my personal details but with a UK dialling code, but amazingly the system actually allowed me to correct it online so that was another step in the right direction. I still don't know if I have a branch manager though, as after successive branch closures we are on our fourth one since 1977 but they won't answer any letters and send any correspondence on to other places in the U.K. It seems the old fashioned matters of courtesy and service are long gone in the quest to rebuild a once fine institution ruined by that son of a bitch Fred the Shred.

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Re: Royal Bank of Wankers

#294 Post by ExSp33db1rd » Sat Oct 12, 2019 2:42 am

Yes, my Natwest Branch for 50 years has closed, and though I still have the same Branch sort number, albeit for a now defunct branch, and account numbers, my account has been moved to another, unknown, one, so I can't even ring the branch to abuse them! Chatham, Bolton, Manchester, Wymondham, ( Where T.F. is that ?) and Bangor addresses have all appeared on various communications recently. ( by which I mean over the last three years )

I have still to prove the new ( to them ) mobile "security" system so far.

My previous "card" expired whilst I was in the UK on holiday, and "they" refused to send the renewal to a nearby branch for me to collect in person, even tho' I had a copy of my birth certificate, passport, old UK driving licence ( no portrait ) and remembered the name of my grandmothers facourite cat, they would only post the new one to my NZ address, with the usual advice to activate it by presenting myself to the nearest branch ! Eventually they issued me with a temporary one, and then of course I had to try and activate my "proper" one from New Zealand when I got back.

If it wasn't for my UK pension being paid to them, and a few, admittedly very few, advantages from retaining a UK bank account, I'd tell them to get stuffed, as I have Barclays, Halifax, and Lloyds over the years, with no regrets. USA banks are no better, Mrs. Exs, even tho' being one of them, also tears her hair out almost daily. Meanwhile the real International crooks carry on regardless, probably even being assisted in various ways ?

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Re: Royal Bank of Wankers

#295 Post by FD2 » Sat Oct 12, 2019 2:49 am

Speedy: Yes - I wonder how much stolen loot is winging its way through various 'washing machines' in the time it takes to write these words. Your experience with the UK branch reminds me of that comedy sketch "Computer says 'no'".





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Re: Royal Bank of Wankers

#296 Post by k3k3 » Sat Oct 12, 2019 10:23 am

It's everywhere, I couldn't log on to my German account this morning without using the card reader, it keeps prompting me to give them my mobile number for the one time codes but their system only allows German numbers.

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Re: Royal Bank of Wankers

#297 Post by Boac » Mon Oct 14, 2019 10:47 am

I have had cause (second one) to email the Barclays CEO directly about my local branch apparently 'losing' some important paperwork, As before, I have been contacted promptly by one of his executive team in order to 'sort this out', but I thought you would all be amused to know that the sugar-coated lady told me she had, this am, 'reached out' to the manager of the branch. She seemed unable to answer my question "was her office in the branch, then?".

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Re: Royal Bank of Wankers

#298 Post by ExSp33db1rd » Tue Oct 15, 2019 9:22 pm

Mrs ExS has just received a new Credit Card from her USA bank - it has been on the way over a month, back and forth between the bank and the US Post Office, because --- the bank kept omitting the words 'New Zealand' from the otherwise correct address, despite her having many times written, telephoned, and personally written her address down for the bank teller last time she visited. Doesn't anyone in the USA ever LISTEN ?

Americans are no longer taught spelling, evidenced by the number of Lime Scooters being ridden on the sidewalk despite being clearly marked " Not to be ridden on sidewalks " and appreantly they are now no longer being taught Geography ? I've long been of the opinion that they think that there is nothing out there beyond the shores of New York and Los Angeles ? Maybe as they have such a self sufficient Country they don't need to know anything about the rest of the World - but if so tell Trump to stop meddling.

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Re: Royal Bank of Wankers

#299 Post by Hydromet » Wed Oct 16, 2019 1:32 am

Perhaps this book is of interest to those of you having troubles with your own wunch.

A Wunch of Bankers

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Re: Royal Bank of Wankers

#300 Post by Boac » Wed Oct 16, 2019 7:21 am

Ms 'Sugar-coating' managed to send a text and SMS about the account to my wife's mobile, despite not having her number listed, and the fact that she has nothing to do with the account. According to the sugar-plum fairy it was a 'simple' mis-type of the number, so it was purely a chance that we found out - could have gone to anyone......Yes, excellent security, Barclays.

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