Royal Bank of Wankers

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ExSp33db1rd
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Re: Royal Bank of Wankers

#101 Post by ExSp33db1rd » Thu Oct 04, 2018 7:07 am

About 4 months ago Natwest wrote to me and advised that they had been unsuccessful in "alerting" me by cellphone / text, a service which they would like to inflict on me. Perhaps I had changed my number, in which case please go into the website and update my "profile", unless the number was an International one, which unfortunately couldn't be used for the service they were trying to instal ?

I wrote a semi-polite reply pointing out that the number they had quoted was in fact correct, no change, and yes, it was International, so quite correctly was of no use to them, so why had they bothered to send the letter to my New Zealand address anyway ? I refrained from suggesting that perhaps they thought that New Zealand was just off the Dogger Bank ?

2 months ago I received the identical letter again. That time I scrawled comments in red ink across it, highlighting their advice that they couldn't use International numbers, and the words New Zealand on my address, and posted it back.

Last week I got the same letter again, all three being signed by the same "Customer Service Manager" . This time I again edited their letter appropriately, this time with a red marker pen.

What shall I do next time ? I prefer not to use words starting with F, C, or N.

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Re: Royal Bank of Wankers

#102 Post by Capetonian » Thu Oct 04, 2018 7:24 am

I have had more than a gutful of NatWest and their idiotic disjointed systems and robotic or non responses to complaints.

I have now changed my main bank account to Nationwide who are helpful, responsive, and 'joined up', I am in the process of winding down the NatWest accounts and when they realise that they only have a few hundred pounds in them they will write to me and tell me they no longer want me as a customer, at which point I shall reply appropriately, not that they will care.

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Re: Royal Bank of Wankers

#103 Post by 4mastacker » Thu Oct 04, 2018 8:49 pm

ExSp33db1rd wrote:
Thu Oct 04, 2018 7:07 am
....................... This time I again edited their letter appropriately, this time with a red marker pen.

What shall I do next time ? I prefer not to use words starting with F, C, or N.

Would the word 'onanist' be beyond their comprehension?
It's always my fault - SWMBO

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Re: Royal Bank of Wankers

#104 Post by G-CPTN » Thu Oct 04, 2018 8:59 pm

'Sinister onanist' is an even greater insult . . .

with sinister indicating use of the left hand.

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Re: Royal Bank of Wankers

#105 Post by ExSp33db1rd » Thu Oct 04, 2018 9:09 pm

Would the word 'onanist' be beyond their comprehension?
!! It was beyond mine - until now !

Good suggestion.

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Re: Royal Bank of Wankers

#106 Post by Hydromet » Fri Oct 05, 2018 2:36 am

I have a budgie called Onan, he spills his seed everywhere.

Hat, coat, birdseed...

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Re: Royal Bank of Wankers

#107 Post by Boac » Fri Oct 05, 2018 7:32 am

Onan was worried about impregnating his dead brother's wife - is that the first recorded case of necrophilia?

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Re: Royal Bank of Wankers

#108 Post by OFSO » Fri Oct 05, 2018 7:39 am

Depends on whether it was brother or wife who was dead and into whom he slipped what, when, and how. (And why, possibly.)

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Re: Royal Bank of Wankers

#109 Post by Boac » Fri Oct 05, 2018 7:54 am

..and what about the second coming?

PS We have a new jokes thread!

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Re: Royal Bank of Wankers

#110 Post by Cacophonix » Fri Oct 05, 2018 9:30 am

I walked down to my friendly English village pharmacy this morning, you know the sort of place, where all the old folks stand and natter about their various ailments (a bit like here really) and you stand patiently behind a queue of old ladies in the queue at the counter and remain patient as they gossip with the friendly lady pharmacy assistant. You are patient, not least because the gossip you hear is often irresistible, I once even heard a side splitting rumour about myself, and because this is part of village life and if you don't get it then you should go and live somewhere else like London, where all is rush and anonymity. Anyway, filled with such bonhomie and small village Anglophilia I then saw this sign in the door of the local Barclays Bank and a pigeon appeared in the hole above the rafter of my roof of happiness.

Barclays.JPG
Barclays.JPG (43.71 KiB) Viewed 581 times
Which is opposite this unsightly derelict blight upon the rural High Street, the remains of the Midlands, then HSBC bank.

HSBC.JPG
HSBC.JPG (64.23 KiB) Viewed 581 times

The heart is being wrung out of these little places in the name of the avarice of the spivs who run these banks. I well remember the manager in the local bank in Cardiff, for all the world like Mr Mainwaring, who knew me personally and could account and comment on my account, for a loan to take flying lessons. He gave me the loan on my recognizance and a handshake and I would rather have died than not honour his trust in me. Well that is all gone and so have some quintessential parts of the decency in our society.

When falls the Bank of England, England falls. I don't know about Threadneedle Street but the banks are certainly falling and Britain is poorer in so many ways for this trend.




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Re: Royal Bank of Wankers

#111 Post by ExSp33db1rd » Mon Oct 08, 2018 4:02 am

What shall I do next time ? I prefer not to use words starting with F, C, or N.
see post #101

Just received the FOURTH identical letter.

Called them Bloody idiots and threatened to send the next one to the Banking Ombudsman, and addressed this to the CEO, Bishopsgate.

Watch this space.

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Re: Royal Bank of Wankers

#112 Post by OFSO » Mon Oct 08, 2018 7:28 am

I engaged the Banking Ombudsman in autumn last year regarding different departments of the Nat West located in widely separated places, nay even different countries, England, Channel Isles, Scotland - requesting copies of the same information from me. Three notarised copies of passports, utility bills, etc. Expensive business as I was in Spain. The Ombudsman wrote back saying my case had been accepted, case number allocated etc. Since then, nothing. I hold out no hope of ever hearing from them.

As with everything the solution was to make Spain a tourist rather than residential destination.

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Re: Royal Bank of Wankers

#113 Post by ExSp33db1rd » Mon Oct 08, 2018 10:17 pm

Perhaps we should just bash our heads against Trumps wall ?

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Re: Royal Bank of Wankers

#114 Post by FD2 » Thu Nov 15, 2018 9:56 pm

My wife has just received a letter from the 'Chatham Maritime' facility of the RBS saying that they recently tried to get in touch with her using their 'alert' service by text message. Their system does not allow any foreign mobile numbers to be used but the letter was addressed to her here in New Zealand! It was signed by the 'Customer Services Team' rather than an individual. We had written last year to explain why they couldn't use this messaging system but I doubt that an 'operative' actually read or understood the letter and its tricky contents.
We joined the bank as customers in 1977 and due to three successive branch closures our accounts are now supposedly being handled by one in Aberdeen. I wrote to ask who we should contact or write to with any queries, about a month ago, as we were not informed about the closures and we have just received emails from a 'Customer Relations Services' somewhere on the planet, as the first stage of dealing with my 'complaint'. It seems that there is no one in the branch who answers to the description 'manager' or who can compose what we call a 'letter' in reply to mine.
Amongst the membership of this august website is there anyone who can recommend a bank in the UK which actually gives personal service to customers who live abroad? Or which actually gives a sh*t about its customers these days?

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Re: Royal Bank of Wankers

#115 Post by FD2 » Thu Nov 15, 2018 10:12 pm

Royal Bank shoots itself in the foot yet again by refusing counter service to a 97 year old woman in Edinburgh:

https://www.scotsman.com/regions/edinbu ... -1-4829356

You couldn't make this stuff up, could you? ~X(

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Re: Royal Bank of Wankers

#116 Post by Capetonian » Thu Nov 15, 2018 10:19 pm

Is there anyone who can recommend a bank in the UK which actually gives personal service to customers who live abroad?
Nationwide Building Society, but you will probably have to visit a branch to complete the opening formalities, which I realise may not be an option if you live in the Land of the Long White Cloud.

I did have a problem though when I tried to download their 'app' while I was outside the UK and it didn't appear at all on the app list. Their technical folk weren't able to help and I eventually tried with a VPN to the UK and it worked.

The main UK banks are a shower of canine excrement.

I also have an offshore NatWest account (JER) but it is becoming increasingly difficult to open accounts with them and they are as above.

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Re: Royal Bank of Wankers

#117 Post by FD2 » Thu Nov 15, 2018 10:47 pm

Thanks Cape - annoyingly we had accounts with Nationwide but closed them soon after moving here, along with Santander, as we only needed one lot to deal with from down here! Will investigate, as anything is better than this bunch of idiots, who appear not to be able to find their own arses with both hands these days. It used to be very different - a real pleasure to bank with the friendly staff just down the road in our Aberdeenshire village. As far back as 1997 a friend who had moved to Norfolk and had had accounts in Inverurie with the RBS since 1976 decided to try and transfer his account to the RBS in Norwich thinking that it made sense to bank with the local branch. They told him he would have to fill in loads of forms and get lots of character references etc etc like a new customer, so he just closed his accounts and went to another bank. "Compooter says no", boy.

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Re: Royal Bank of Wankers

#118 Post by Undried Plum » Thu Nov 15, 2018 10:48 pm

The Royal Bank of Scotland, formerly known as RBS, formerly known as The Royal Bank of Scotland, are a shower of shyte.

They've been a shower of shyte since George Fukking Mathewson got involved. Fred Fukkwit took the fall for him, but it was Mathewson who buggered the Bank and sodomised its customers. Bastard.

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Re: Royal Bank of Wankers

#119 Post by ExSp33db1rd » Fri Nov 16, 2018 7:15 am

Akcherly ....See Post #101 ... I have recently received a letter from Natwest in Bolton ( nowhere near my now closed original Dorset branch ) explaining that the first letter was indeed a computer generated "form" letter - but that didn't explain the three follow-ups after I had explained that - surprise ! surprise ! New Zealand is an International telephone call from the UK.

I have also maintained a simple Barclay account, devoid of any balance above that absolutely necessary to keep it open - just in case. Today I received a statement, two A.4 pages showing that I had been paid £1.07 interest last month, and explaining that they now have to send me a paper statement every month ! I rang, and actually spoke to someone who seemed to know about this, tho' first of all he couldn't explain why the envelope had been posted without a stamp, but then I guess it would have cost more than the £1.07 that they were advising me about, so I suppose they decided to take a chance ? He went on to explain that this was a new instruction from the EU, so I suggested that he would be praying for Brexit ? Eventually, and surprisingly, after confirming the name of my Grandmother's first dog, and other "security" games, it has been agreed that I will only be sent a statement once a year, at the end of the tax year, to satisfy the NZ IRD. Time will tell, breath is not held.

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Re: Royal Bank of Wankers

#120 Post by ian16th » Fri Nov 16, 2018 11:26 am

Barclay's seem insistent on putting statements in the mail, and are reluctant to send a PDF document by e-mail.

When I attempt explain to them that being employed by the South African Post Office is seen as a licence to steal, they are astounded.

WRT to FD2's request for a bank that understands overseas customers, the Off-Shore branches are obviously the best candidates. But opening such an account is difficult these days.

Is it possible still to 'transfer' an account? Or are you forced to close and then open said accounts?
In days of yore, I transferred my account from Barclay's Kings Lynn to Barclay's Dominion Colonial & Overseas in Limassol.

I even transferred from Barclay's in Leeds to Barclay's National Bank in Johannesburg.

Edited to add:

Does your NZ bank have an Offshore establishment in Channel Isles or IoM? Worth checking.
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