The really boring and totally pointless snippets thread IV

[G-CPTN]

If I had the choice, I'd come back as a saddle.

Whereas PC wanted to be a tampon . . .

[ian16th]

Violent thunderstorm happening on KZN South Coast.

Shutting down and unplugging PC

Watch out for tornadoes and flying sharks...

Caco

Its gone, it was short & sharp.

The Gods were banging the clouds about quite noisily.

[Cacophonix]

I'd swap you the thunderstorm for the low clag, freezing drizzle and gloom here.

Caco

[Ibbie]

Cold and wet in Southampton.

Just awoke from a siesta or as I’m in UK , an afternoon nap.

Out to Cherry Tree Farm for dinner which is close to the new Ordenance Survey HQ.

[Slasher]

11pm here. A nipply 24C.

Apsara should be in BKK by now. She will stay at the swank pub in town and her limo pickup is 7am. If I ever figure out exactly WTF her job entails I really wouldn't mind having a crack at it meself!

All plumbing has been completed and my own plumbing guy gave a big thumbs up. Building inspector come later tomorrow to give the overall decider.

Ya know if the contractor had've admitted to bad workmanship to begin with, I most likely would've offered to share the costs of repair. But since the bugger fobbed me off from first go it's cost him dearly. Stupid git. No business sense.

Tonorrow it's me hour's run in the morning and generally being the housewife (sans tits and cute butt). I want to have a quick flit in the Cub before the 100 hourly rears its expensive head.

Our little bloke has suddenly discovered the fairer sex - at the age of nine! I dunno whether to tell him about the birds n bees yet or give the job to Apsara or Caco or Ex-A or someone.

[Ex-Ascot]

Good to hear all sorted Capt

Still on the edge of a thunderstorm. 8/8 cover, blowing a gale. Had to retreat to the veranda from the pool. Branches and all sorts of ***** coming down. The pool is going to take ages to clean tomorrow. Still no rain.

Just had some papers by e-mail requested from our accountants last week for our company annual return due next month. We always get in a month before as we did last year. Last year we paid but the papers we not ready. They said that they would sort it. We assumed that they had filed for us somehow. Now we have a late filing penalty. They say that we did not return the papers. what papers? Well they can pay it.

[Cacophonix]

Our little bloke has suddenly discovered the fairer sex - at the age of nine! I dunno whether to tell him about the birds n bees yet or give the job to Apsara or Caco or Ex-A or someone.

I discovered a little about such things at the age of nine from Scope Magazine, It was verboten in our house as it was in much of "decent" households in Southern Africa...

This little vignette from 'Don't Let's Go to the Dogs Tonight' by Alexandra Fuller sums it up...

Van holds the candle high. I lower the toilet lid, stand on it and lift up the block of hardwood that covers the cistern, and reach down for the chain. Mum has glued a girlie-magazine picture to this block of hardwood: a blond woman in few clothes, with breasts like naked cow udders, and she’s all arched in a strange pouty contortion, like she’s got backache. Which maybe she has, from the weight of the udders. The picture is from Scope magazine. * We aren’t allowed to look at Scope magazine. ‘Why?’ ‘Because we aren’t those sorts of people,’ says Mum. ‘But we have a picture from Scope magazine on the loo lid.’ ‘That’s a joke.’ ‘Oh.’ And then, ‘What sort of joke?’ ‘Stop twittering on.’ A pause. ‘What sort of people are we, then?’ ‘We have breeding,’ says Mum firmly. ‘Oh.’ Like the dairy cows and our special expensive bulls (who are named Humani, Jack, and Bulawayo). ‘Which is better than having money,’ she adds. I look at her sideways, considering for a moment. ‘I’d rather have money than breeding,’ I say. Mum

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scope_(magazine)

Scope was actually very tame...

Scope.jpg (44.14 KiB) Viewed 631 times

You could buy him his first Who album Slash...




Caco

[Capetonian]

Scope was actually very tame...

Ja, but not when you was Mannie van Jaarsveld from the Publications Control Board in Pretoria in 1975. It was blerry hard porn, man. Sies!

It was regularly banned but the odd gem got through :
The classic was when the text of a centrefold was captioned with something like :
"Vicky is 19, and comes from Ongar in Essex. She has been modelling since she was 16 and her speciality is open beaver shots."

The only women who didn't have blacks strips or stars on their nipples were black women on postcards!

[Cacophonix]

Scope was actually very tame...

Ja, but not when you was Mannie van Jaarsveld from the Publications Control Board in Pretoria in 1975. It was blerry hard porn, man. Sies!

It was regularly banned but the odd gem got through :
The classic was when the text of a centrefold was captioned with something like :
"Vicky is 19, and comes from Ongar in Essex. She has been modelling since she was 16 and her speciality is open beaver shots."

The only women who didn't have blacks strips or stars on their nipples were black women on postcards!

The first time I actually saw a woman without her bra on, no it wasn't Vicky, I thought she was deformed because she didn't have black stripes!

As for Meneer Vosloo en daardie ouens in the Publications Control Board there in Pretoria, go to 26 min 29 seconds here to hear how they operated...




Caco

[Capetonian]

Brilliant!

In those days, a friend of mine used to get porn magazines sent to him from overseas, addressed to 'Reverend Jacobus Goffelnaaier' at a CPT GPO Box number. After he'd got away with it for a couple of years, he was called to the customs office (Culemborg) to pay duty on a dutiable import. He crapped himself and asked me to go along as his 'agent'. Turned out it was a case of Baileys which in those days you couldn't buy in ZA as it was too strong to be an aperitif and not strong enough to be liqueur, which a friend had sent him from South West, where you could buy it.

[Cacophonix]

Brilliant!

In those days, a friend of mine used to get porn magazines sent to him from overseas, addressed to 'Reverend Jacobus Goffelnaaier' at a CPT GPO Box number. After he'd got away with it for a couple of years, he was called to the customs office (Culemborg) to pay duty on a dutiable import. He crapped himself and asked me to go along as his 'agent'. Turned out it was a case of Baileys which in those days you couldn't buy in ZA as it was too strong to be an aperitif and not strong enough to be liqueur, which a friend had sent him from South West, where you could buy it.

One of the guys in my class at school was an English chap from London called Parnaby, we called him Pornaby and when he finally moved back to England he used to post Readers' Wives magazines to us 5 pages at a time in letters from the UK! The other Londoner in our class was a top class athlete and tennis player called Flack. He developed an alcohol problem early on though and joined the SAP's in East London (South Africa), the same police unit that had murdered Steve Biko and others.

Flack ended up killing himself and his girlfriend in a high speed car accident one drunken night. The country had gone mad and most of us with it. Real shame, he had a lot of talent and was basically a good man in the wrong country at the wrong time.

Caco

[CharlieOneSix]

With the Holidays close upon us, I would like to share a personal experience with my friends about drinking and driving. As you know, some of us have been known to have brushes with the authorities from time to time, often on the way home after a "social session" with family or friends.

Well, two days ago, this happened to me. I was out for an evening with friends and had more than several whiskies followed by a couple of bottles of rather nice red wine and vodka shots. Although relaxed, I still had the common sense to know I was slightly over the limit. That's when I did something I've never done before - I took a taxi home!

Sure enough on the way there was a police roadblock, but since it was a taxi they waved it past and I arrived home safely without incident. This was a real surprise to me, because I had never driven a taxi before. I don't know where I got it, and now that it's in my garage I don't know what to do with it.. So, anyway, if you want to borrow it give me a call.
Yes, I know it should really be in Friday Jokes but it wouldn't have the same impact...

[Alisoncc]

++1, C16

Alison

[Cacophonix]

Yes, I know it should really be in Friday Jokes but it wouldn't have the same impact...

Inside every good joke is a trenchant lesson!

Caco

[Ex-Ascot]

Morning folks. The estate is a battle ground, debris all over the place. All that mess and not a drop of rain seems so unfair. Been up since 05.00 putting on the generator clearing the pool and pumping it. Took advantage of genny being on to top up water tanks now Mrs Ex-Ascot is making a chocolate cake in the bread maker which would push the solar system to its limits. Overcast 23 degs 35 forecast. All the mess being cleared up then I guess it is Mammoth watering,

Went on the exercise machine this morning, the tent was full of midges or summat. Had to rush straight to the shower. Must spray in there in the evenings

[Slasher]

Afternoon. 1.30pm here. Stock standard 32C presently. Niceish as the humidity is up a bit today.

I hope the Great 2018 Mess of Ascot Manor will be cleared sah and the manicured jungle will return. Good that you now have a nice blue swimmin' pool and not a mud wrestling pit.

Building inspector gave the house a clean bill of helf. He got a bit huffed about the zinc plating done on our roof some months ago and the contractor forgot to put in the paperwork. This has since been cleared up. The final estimate for the backyard gazebo is in: the Baht equivalent of 992 US bucks and 37c which was accepted.

Little bloke is really hooked on the opposite sex and I must admit I've never been in the situation of having to explain about Nature's little sex secret to a 9yo kid. I phoned Ap in BKK and she said wait until she comes back home. In the meantime I've told him that his winky will sometimes do that when he sees a pretty girl and that it's nothing to be ashamed about. As I dropped him off at school this morning his delishersexerous teacher walked by. "Does your winky go stiff when you see Miss Xxxx dad?" I said "No but she is a pretty lady isn't she. But don't you show her your winky ok?" "No dad that would be rudies!" Phew!

I think my offspring has inherited the infamous Slasher gene and is asserting itself but he hasn't said nothing about boobs yet. I think he may be a bum and leg man. Anyway Apsara will know what to do. I hope!

[Ibbie]

Morning.
Pouring down in Hampshire.
Son’s birthday today. Going to meet one of his old school chums in Fareham for lunch then back to Southampton to buy his presents. A Chinese will end the day off.

[OFSO]

First day of autumn that the heating turned itself on. The Mem', nothing daunted, gave the overide timer a friendly tweak. TV going on about the local train crash. Seems mountainside in the cutting was 'stabilised' last year, only it wasn't.

[ian16th]

Had a BIG thunderstorm and downpour all night.
At 10:00 it is clearing, hope we can get out and do our planned weekly shopping.

[Wodrick]

Morning all,
Stormy seems to feature all over our little world this morning, one sits under a big storm too, wonder how long the beasts can wait for emptying.

A busy day chauffeuring yesterday with visits to the Dentist and the Optician for SM yesterday.

I don't think my services are required today.

Off to see Antonio tonight for his special type of Tapas, the Nepalese/Indian being closed as they are in Kathmandu for the month. Suffering withdrawal symptoms.

Is all for now.