Rant of the Day v2.

[Hydromet]

A few weeks ago next-door neighbour kindly offered me some top-dressing that was surplus to his requirements, so I used some to fix some bare patches on the lawn, and some to fix an area next to the driveway, that SWMBO insists on driving over when she reverses out. (It's not a narrow driveway by any stretch of the imagination.) Spread the soil, sowed with grass seeds and watered it religiously every day.
When I asked her to avoid driving over it, it was as though I'd asked her to giv up her first born, but I eventually managed to show her how to do it, so she now makes a point of being sure that I see her deliberately avoiding it. Fine by me, at least the grass is coming along.
Today she had some friends over for Ma Jongh. First one arrives, does a three point turn and runs over the grass. Second one arrives and instead of parking on the road (it's a quiet suburban street) she drives straight over the area I've fixed, over a couple of the other patches and parks on the lawn. When she's leaving, she makes a complete hash of reversing out, and manages to back over another area that I'd repaired.
What is it with these women!

[ribrash]

My new pup has just kindly remodelled my £800 Gibson SG.

How much did you pay for the pup, and which have you decided to dispose of?

The pup cost a bit more than the SG but she's a keeper.I will tell people the SG had a hard life on the road when I was in a band.

[Pontius Navigator]

Our pup ripped the bark from a wisteria and a pear tree, bad, but they recovered.

She also ripped the bark from a large tree, good, it didn't recover. We inherited that tree with the house and didn't want it.

[ricardian]

Whatever happened to service banter & black humour?

[Pontius Navigator]

So I guess Paddy, Taff and Jock are out. Chalky and dusty too in case they come from the Caribbean or think you are referring to them.

Git too if he's a scouser. What about cocky with its sexist implication? Ladies and gentlemen too with social and sexist meanings.

I guess tits in cockpits are another no no.

And *** help Prune if he puts up a black.

[Woody]

The pup cost a bit more than the SG but she's a keeper.I will tell people the SG had a hard life on the road when I was in a band.

You could always tell them that the damage was caused by a particularly lively groupie

[ribrash]

The pup cost a bit more than the SG but she's a keeper.I will tell people the SG had a hard life on the road when I was in a band.

You could always tell them that the damage was caused by a particularly lively groupie

+1

[4mastacker]

Whatever happened to service banter & black humour?

Ferchrystsake, don't the w***ers in charge of the Armed Forces know that their function is to kill the Queen's enemies. When someone is coming at you with the intent to do you harm, what use is huggy-fluggy language in case it causes offence?

[bob2s]

Whatever happened to service banter & black humour?

Ferchrystsake, don't the w***ers in charge of the Armed Forces know that their function is to kill the Queen's enemies. When someone is coming at you with the intent to do you harm, what use is huggy-fluggy language in case it causes offence?

The way this bloody woke world is going all future wars will be fought with handbags at 50 paces!

[prospector]

"The way this bloody woke world is going all future wars will be fought with handbags at 50 paces!"

No, that is far to dangerous, health and safety would never allow it, they might, might consider 100 paces.

[Hydromet]

"The way this bloody woke world is going all future wars will be fought with handbags at 50 paces!"

No, that is far to dangerous, health and safety would never allow it, they might, might consider 100 paces.

Perhaps not, but there's a lot to be said for wars being fought by the politicians, locked in a room with copious amounts of food and alcohol, but no toilets.

[ricardian]

"The way this bloody woke world is going all future wars will be fought with handbags at 50 paces!"

No, that is far to dangerous, health and safety would never allow it, they might, might consider 100 paces.

And both sides MUST wear safety footwear, hi-viz vests, hard hats, ear protection, eye protection and gloves

[4mastacker]

You can't have wars!! Somebody might get hurt! Think of all that nauseating H&S paperwork that would have to be filled in.

[PHXPhlyer]

Better to file it electronically.
Don't want any paper cuts.

PP

[Pontius Navigator]

What's a pace? Can we define 50 paces? Is it 50 manly strides or 50 mincing steps?

[CharlieOneSix]

What's a pace? ..............50 mincing steps?

[G-CPTN]

Is one allowed, nowadays, to make fun of fairies?

[4mastacker]

Is one allowed, nowadays, to make fun of fairies?

As long as you include sooties, riggers, plumbers, stackers, shinies, rag packers, snoops, gro-bags and other assorted groups then it's equality innit?

[Pontius Navigator]

Squippers, quacks, fang snatchers, blood suckers

[TheGreenGoblin]

Squippers, quacks, fang snatchers, blood suckers

Bashi-bazouks?

I mean, they were an irregular group of bandits, just not "arse" bandits, although given the Turks, anything was possible!

(Can I say that? )