Rant of the Day v2.

[Capetonian]

The witless Spanish socialist mayoress of Paris

The word 'witless' is redundant where 'socialist' is mentioned.

[barkingmad]

I thought “Fuctifino” was a Spanish sherry til I discovered Smirnoff ? !

Snowflakes on Radio 4 last week professed on-air they couldn’t utter the word ‘Bollocks’ as prominently printed on the Hygienist’s troops t-shirts when they appeared in the Brussels hot-air chamber, so it was referred to as that ‘b’ word......

What a sad end to western syphilisation.

[OFSO]

Dear E.ON..............................

What is going on ?

On the 8th October 2019 I telephoned the E.ON automated system to give two new meter readings, electricity and gas, and pay the outstanding amount. Simple, no ?

After some delays (your system that once was so efficient is now slow and languid) I was taken all the way through the process up to the point of giving my last part of my card details. I was then put through to a human being, to whom I repeated that I needed to give a meter reading as the last bill had been an estimate. The house is a probate property and is not occupied for most of the time.

I gave your operative the following numbers: electric 21004 and gas 16870. Your automatic payments system had already told me that the bill was the sum of 53 pounds 29p. Your human operative confirmed the amount was correct.

I asked if this was both for gas and electric and she replied yes it was. As I had paid 270pounds 15p in August and the property had been empty since June (the gas was turned off) I considered that 53 pounds 29p was correct. and I paid by credit card. Your operative lady told me payment had been accepted. All done and dusted, right ?

*****************************************************************************************

On 12th October 2019, four days later, I received an email notification that I had an outstanding balance on the same account of 123 pounds 10p.

So I telephoned again today, 14th October 2019 and waited for 18minutes 47 sec to get an answer. When "Noah" answered I explained that I had paid 53pounds 29p on 12th October and was told at this time by your operative this was the correct debit amount in full.

After a long and very unclear conversation with "Noah" I was told by him that the system was 'down' on the earlier date and payment had not "gone through". So why was I told that it had ?

Although I possess many talents, clairvoyance is not one of them so I was unable to see that my payment hadn't gone through and I was not informed by Eon that this was the case, quite the opposite.

The customer care man called Noah was unable to explain to me how my bill on the 8th October was given as 53pounds 29p and on the 10th October had suddenly changed to 123 pounds 10p . Magic!!

He asked if I wished to complain. I said yes and he took details. A short time later he called me back to ask if wished to complain Yes I repeated. Well we will have to drop the case ! (WTF ?) I asked him to repeat this as I didn't understand, but he repeated that the case would have to be dropped if it was to "go forward". As this made even less sense to me I ended the conversation.

So I would like the following explanations.

1. How did a payment I was told had been taken from my account on 8th October not "go through" or did it ? (I am traveling so unable to check my account at this time)

2. How did a bill increase from 53pounds 29p to 123pounds10p in two days (during which time the property was vacant, i.e.there was nobody in the house) and how did it differ from the meter reading supplied by me to you ?

Yours in desperation, Mrs OFSO

[Pontius Navigator]

Send an email to Martin Lewis. michael.lewis@eon-uk.com he is the CEO.

A lot less stressful than trying to explain to a monkey.

[OFSO]

That's where Mrs OFSO sent her mail, but thank you anyway....

[OFSO]

Items found under the guest room bed: anyone here like to lay claim to (a) a size XXL jockstrap and (b) a sweaty black size L T-shirt, both found under the bed when our cleaner finally got around to moving the extremely heavy bed with 1cm ground clearance, located in the guest room ? Admissions made in confidence will be posted here in full with names and dates.

[Capetonian]

I wondered where I'd left them!
You can hand them over to me next time we have lunch at Fredericks!

Why is it that whenever somebody does something completely twattish on the road, it's invariably a Renault Clito or a Twanko?

[Ex-Ascot]

Items found under the guest room bed: anyone here like to lay claim to (a) a size XXL jockstrap and (b) a sweaty black size L T-shirt, both found under the bed when our cleaner finally got around to moving the extremely heavy bed with 1cm ground clearance, located in the guest room ? Admissions made in confidence will be posted here in full with names and dates.

A sport of mine was to look under hotel beds. You would not believe what I found. Well maybe you would. I think the best was four black stockings tied to each bed leg. Got loads of phone rechargers . There were some unpleasant things as well. All part of the game.

Pre-Lunch scotch in the pool. No group at the safari camp today but had a chat with the manageress. A head office inspection in a couple of weeks. They have nothing to worry about.

[Pontius Navigator]

Most noticeable I found on the floor was a trapeziod blue pill.

No idea what it was.

[Ex-Ascot]

Why can't the gutter press ever get the names of the Royal Family correct. Apparently Prince William and Kate Middleton are in Pakistan. Excuse me but they are the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge. The Duchess has not been Kate Middleton for years. Wankers. Just like 'Princess Diana'. The Lady was not, she was 'HRH The Princess of Wales'. Next we will have 'Queen Liz'. They really piss me off. No respect, no protocol.

[OFSO]

Why can't women coil rope or hoses ? First thing I learned in the GPO was how to coil heavy-weight copper telephone wire without putting a twist in it. Never forgot. Cable, rope, hose: all should be coiled twist-free. Hand-over-hand fed, dead easy. Yet let a member of the fair sex loose: disaster. Kinks, knots, turks-asses and I know not what. Takes me hours to lay out straight and re-coil. Grrrrrr.

[Capetonian]

For the same reason possibly as they can't slice a loaf of bread without it looking like a relief map of the Himalayas.
Or drive safely at a speed commensurate with road conditions and anticipate what is happening around, and particularly in front, of them.
Or not provide a running commentary when you are watching anything on TV.
or ....... lots of things.

[Undried Plum]

Why can't the gutter press ever get the names of the Royal Family correct.

That's because they can neither pronounce nor spell names like Schleswig-Holstein-Sonderburg-Glücksburg or Saxe-Coburg-Gotha and they think Battenburg is a cake.

[Rwy in Sight]

Why can't the gutter press ever get the names of the Royal Family correct.

That's because they can neither pronounce nor spell names like Schleswig-Holstein-Sonderburg-Glücksburg or Saxe-Coburg-Gotha and they think Battenburg is a cake.

Most of the ladies I know (and a male family friends) are either journalist school graduate or working journalist. Most of them are good at what they do (and one of them rang me once to briefly explain to her what pitot tubes are what means the name of the French bureau of air accidents) so they know to ask questions if they need answers. What I fail to understand that in a country with excellent journalism (no irony at all here) and BBC as the flagship of good state television is why journalist are not trained to the details or who run the state and the basic elements of the royal protocol.

Serious question and please don't use the usual point about aviation journalist involving pilots fighting to save schools while the aircraft falls from the sky.

[G-CPTN]

HM Brenda.

[ExSp33db1rd]

English couple arrested for crossing into the USA from Canada. No problem if they had "accidentally" done it from Mexico ? No need to build a wall on "back roads" just South of Vancouver, wouldn't a simple sign "Welcome to the USA" or "P**s Off" have sufficed ?

Just read this in our local Press. ( so it must be true )

https://www.nzherald.co.nz/world/news/a ... d=12276892

[jimtherev]

English couple arrested for crossing into the USA from Canada.

Seen this on one of those "Brave Customs and Immigration Heroes defending our Borders" programmes*, when people arrive actually *at the border post* having taken a wrong turn. Treated like criminals, instead of "here's where you do a U-turn, bud, have a good day"
Puzzling...

*(Yes, sad, ain't I/)

[Capetonian]

I saw that piece about the British family who were supposedly treated so badly by US Border Guards.

I do not believe that events were as reported. If they were treated so badly, they did something to provoke it.

Today's rant :

I have 3 emails that came in overnight asking me to complete a 'survey' after dealing with or contacting different organisations. 'Please rate our service from 1-10 .....' etc.
Unless the service is exceptionally good or exceptionally bad, I don't see any point in responding to these. In cases of the latter, I don't think they ever respond so why bother?

"Dear Mr X
According to our records, on 14/10/2019, you used our shithouse at 123 High Street, Knobtown.
Please reach out to us and let us know how we did by rating the following on a scale of 1-6, with 1 being 'totally unsatisfactory and 6 being 'superb.

Ease of finding the shithouse :
Ease of closing and locking cubicle :
Comfort of seat :
Cleanliness of bowl :
Quality of toilet paper :
Ease of operating flush mechanism :
Did our shithouse make you feel welcome and valued as a customer :

FFS, where will this all end !!

[Ex-Ascot]

Just for the record Mrs Ex-Ascot can coil a rope perfectly. Mind you we both did the course. Gave our loose extension lead here to workmen once. They threw it back onto the workshop floor in an unbelievable state. They don't coil their own extension leads. It takes them ages to untangle them. It is so f...ing simple.

[Pontius Navigator]

Solved the problem with the vacuum cleaner lead. Although the manufacturer helpfully provided a hook too and bottom and a little clip to secure the plug Mrs PN would invariably coil it up and drop one the handle whereupon some loops would drop off.

We now have a cordless. Miss PN1 is a neat freak and knows how to coil. Miss PN 2 has a cordless, before that she had a retractor, it broke.