Just when you think you have seen/heard it all.......

[Mrs Ex-Ascot]

I bet this provided some entertainment in A and E; https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/arti ... pital.html

Not sure why she has sticky tape over her nose.

Thankyou DM for proving yet again how stupid some people can be.

[Slasher]

I wonder what else Mollie can entirely shove in her mouth!

[Boac]

Reminds me of 'Ah! Monica' from the Oval Orifice.

[Pontius Navigator]

Remember when your Mum told you to wear clean underwear in case of an accident? Well, conflating A&E with accidents with a Hoover, may I offer some advice from experience.

Before undertaking hazardous activities, make sure you have adequate warm clothing for 5-6 hours in A&E.

My worst was damp clothing after a ladder collapsed while I was cleaning the conservatory roof. The others were less dramatic just an angle grinder on my knee cap and a table saw on my hand. Oh and a pine needle in my eye.

[TheGreenGoblin]

Plus ca change...

[Mrs Ex-Ascot]

My first posting in the PMRAFNS was to one of the Medical Wards at RAF(H)Ely which boasted THE Coronary Care Unit. Which consisted of two beds in a side ward and some extra monitors and a defibrillator.

Junior Nursing Officers took it in turn to be Senior Night Sister for one week which meant that we were in charge of the hospital overnight and also in charge of the minor Accident and Emergency Department which catered for the local community.

Usually not much excitement happened, particularly at night, so on New Years Eve we were hoping to put our feet up and treat a few drunk/hungover Fennies.

WRONG just after midnight an ambulance arrives with an Italian gentleman and his wife, the gentleman clutching his chest. After a quick examination and ECG indicating that he was having a heart attack, he was transferred to our super duper CCU. Just as we were about to make ourselves a cuppa, 8 Italian rellies arrived looking like they had just walked off the set for The God Father.

The eldest son insisted on talking to me as regards his fathers condition and treatment and then basically told me in veiled terms that if his father died I would wake up in the morning to find a dead horses head on by bed.

Fortunately his father lived.

[Slasher]

You never asked him his business?
Never ask him his business TS.
Buene buene senorina.

[Mrs Ex-Ascot]

Another memorable A and E shift at RAF(H)Ely started with a call from Ambulance control informing us that four ambulances were on their way with the thirteen members of the Fennie family. They ranged in age from the Matriarch who was about 65 to the youngest who was about 20. They were all alcofrollics and were supposedly off the pop and happily taking their Hemineverin tablets. Unfortunately they had all decided to have a party which involved not only getting drunk, but also overdosing on the tablets.

So they all rolled in and so the pandemonium commenced. While staff members were sorting family members out and preparing them to either take the throw up medicine or have their stomach pumped out, I got the job of sorting out the Matriarch who was rather well endowed to the point that her boobs were trying to fall out of her rather skimpy outfit. Just at the point when I thought she was going to meekly undress, she shoves a mitt into her cleavage and pulls out a bottle of whiskey and before I could stop her she then took a huge swig! She tried to punch me when I extracted the bottle from her sticky mitt, but I managed to duck in time. She then tried to grab said bottle from me declaring that she might as well finish the bottle as it wouldn't have time to make her any more drunk!

[Sisemen]

One wonders what the local yokels do for A&E now that all the Service hospitals have closed?

Shocking decision!

[Pontius Navigator]

Infest the NHS ones. If you want to see life try A&E.

Apparently, in Boston, every Sunday this 'patient' was brought by the police from a pub in the west of Boston to A&E. After the police departed he would discharge himself and repair to a nearby pub to meet his friends; cheaper than a taxi and more convenient than a bus. Cheaper too.

[ian16th]

Ah! Boston, anyone remember Wednesday & Saturday nights at The Gliderdrome?

[Ex-Ascot]

Going back to post 32 just managed to catch our head of family bathroom Geko. He's about a hand span long.

[Mrs Ex-Ascot]

Ex-Ascots post above reminds me of an incident which took place when I was working as an anaesthetic nurse in London in the late eighties.

This particular hospital has the operating theatre and ICU complex tacked onto the back of the main hospital building; no this was not intentional for isolation purposes. The architect forgot to put them in the original plans. Oops!

The two departments were either side of a corridor and if you wanted to borrow something from across the way you had to put shoe covers on before stepping over the red line on the floor. Another option was to have inside and outside clogs. or just go bare foot. Even the trolleys were strictly designated inside and outside. Our theatre manager was very strict about THE RED LINE. I'm sure she had told all the germs on the floor outside not to cross over into our department.

We had one special theatre for orthopeadic surgery which had a special airflow system and before they realised that it actually didn't work the way it should have, there were supposed to be protective shields around the operating table and the surgeons were supposed to wear space suits plugged into an oxygen supply above. So when I worked there the protective shields and space suits had been ditched and all that remained was a RED LINE around the operating table which only the surgeons and scrub nurse could go inside. One day during surgery our theatre manager popped in to speak to someone and before we knew it she was having an apoplectic fit! She had spotted something inside THE RED LINE which shouldn't have been there! A SLUG!

[TheGreenGoblin]

Going back to post 32 just managed to catch our head of family bathroom Geko. He's about a hand span long.

Lizard

A lizard ran out on a rock and looked up, listening no doubt to the sound of the spheres. And what a dandy fellow! the right toss of a chin for you and swirl of a tail!

If men were as much men as lizards are lizards they'd be worth looking at.

DH Lawrence was right...

[Mrs Ex-Ascot]

Operating Theatres are serious places where everyone is professional at all times and behave seriously. There is no joviality or else!

On one Saturday morning in a Private hospital we had a case booked in under the care of a delightful Professor who insisted on calling all ladies whatever their rank 'Sister'. The case was on a 18 year old man who had had one of his Balls removed due to cancer. As you can understand, he was a bit upset about being 'uneven' so his father paid for an implant to be put in to make him look normal again.

So the anaethetist and I wheel him into the operating room just as the surgeon arrives with a big cardboard box under his arm; inside we were told that it was a new super duper implant all the way from America. Fast forward to putting the new super duper implant in. I got the job of holding up the instruction manual up so that he could work out how to put the saline solution into the implant to turn it into a 'Ball'. Then the BIG MOMENT arrives, the surgeon has the implant ready in large tweezers and starts to insert the implant. At this point the implant flies into the air(at this point I need to make it clear that this was the ONLY ONE WE HAD) the scrub nurse does a flying leap and catches the implant. Our surgeons polite comment was 'well done sister! we should have you in the England cricket team.

The rest of the operation went smoothly, professionally and seriously.......honest.

[boing]

Why have management dorks never realized that humour is the best way of relieving tension. Applies to pilots as well as medical personnel.

.

[Hydromet]

Mrs ExA, surely if the ball had dropped it would have been a hernia?

[Boac]

If the ball doesn't, it is called cryptorchidism or monorchidism

[Hydromet]

Cue, to the sound of the Colonel Bogie March, "Hitler had only one big ball...."

[G-CPTN]

Whereas Goebbels . . .