Just when you think you have seen/heard it all.......

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Mrs Ex-Ascot
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Just when you think you have seen/heard it all.......

#1 Post by Mrs Ex-Ascot » Wed Jan 29, 2020 2:04 pm

Just when you think you have seen/heard it all.....

Homo Sapiens manages to think of something new to boggle the mind!

So, to start with a story from when I was working as an anaesthetic nurse in London in the late 80's; I arrive at work at lunch time to be told that my afternoon list will be delayed due to an emergency case being added onto the end of the mornings list. The nurse that I was relieving in the anaesthetic room handed over rapidly with the parting words that the patient was on his way and suppressing hysterical laughter claimed that all she knew was that it was a ROFO case.

ROFO translates to Removal of Foreign Object; now we've all heard of people playing with cucumbers, bananas and even on one occasion with a carrot, but just at this moment the Anaethetist arrived and told me what the FO was. Then Mr Bloggss arrived and I somehow managed to behave myself; that is until he was anaethetised.

Apparently Mr Bloggs was doing some naked housework at home while his wife was at work. There he was with the vacuum cleaner with the attachment for getting into all those awkward places and WHOOSH! he tripped and fell onto the attachment and it WHOOSHED up his bum! =))

The saddest thing was that he apparently told his wife that he was having an emergency appendicectomy; not quite sure how he explained the lack of a scar as the surgeon managed to pull the hoover attachment out of his very clean bottom! =))
RAF 32 Sqn B Flt ; Twin Squirrels.

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Re: Just when you think you have seen/heard it all.......

#2 Post by Pontius Navigator » Wed Jan 29, 2020 2:08 pm

Life sucks when you least expect it.

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Re: Just when you think you have seen/heard it all.......

#3 Post by Sisemen » Wed Jan 29, 2020 2:49 pm

You say that like you think it’s abnormal!





=))

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Re: Just when you think you have seen/heard it all.......

#4 Post by TheGreenGoblin » Wed Jan 29, 2020 2:52 pm

Life sucks indeed! I have just been chased out of my study by my better half with a loud bloody hissing vacuum cleaner complete with elephantine attachment. What madness gets into a woman when she sees a small cobweb. In fact they, our spouses, mistresses and significant female others seem to hate cobwebs even more than the sight of their wretched mate for life apparently idle, and, worse, content and enjoying himself!

Sigh...
Though you remain
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Your destination remains
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Re: Just when you think you have seen/heard it all.......

#5 Post by Capetonian » Wed Jan 29, 2020 3:30 pm

Ah yes. I know the feeling.
My o/h will happily hang out of an open car window in the Kruger Park, within touching distance of a couple of lions munching on a fresh kill, but if a tiny field mouse, bat or moth should venture into the house, pandemonium breaks out.

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Re: Just when you think you have seen/heard it all.......

#6 Post by Boac » Wed Jan 29, 2020 3:48 pm

Mrs - now you are going to tell us you believed him? Mr Henry?

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Re: Just when you think you have seen/heard it all.......

#7 Post by Pontius Navigator » Wed Jan 29, 2020 4:39 pm

Saw a cobweb last week at my sister in laws. Proved why you should not remove them. A fly was struggling and eventually stopped. I would rather have a cobweb and dead fly than no cobwebs and a live fly.

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Re: Just when you think you have seen/heard it all.......

#8 Post by Boac » Wed Jan 29, 2020 4:44 pm

?????????????

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Re: Just when you think you have seen/heard it all.......

#9 Post by Alisoncc » Wed Jan 29, 2020 4:50 pm

Pontius Navigator wrote:
Wed Jan 29, 2020 4:39 pm
Saw a concern last week at my sister in laws. Proved why you should not remove them. A fly was struggling and eventually stopped. I would rather have a cobweb and dead fly than no cobwebs and a live fly.
When staying briefly at Changi (RAF) loved the way the chit-chats ran up and down the walls collecting flies and mozzies, and things. Far more entertaining that fly spray or rolled newspaper.
Rev Mother Bene Gesserit.

Sent from my PDP11/05 running RSX-11D via an ASR33 (TTY)

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Re: Just when you think you have seen/heard it all.......

#10 Post by Boac » Wed Jan 29, 2020 5:47 pm

Ah well, vacuum cleaners up the jacksie was more entertaining, but I'll insert something here:
After a very long famil flight in a Britannia, Gan-Singapore, this young officer had been plied with bottles of Tiger and looked up at the ceiling (from a sitting position, before you ask) to see a strange creature crawling across it - no-one had warned me.....

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Re: Just when you think you have seen/heard it all.......

#11 Post by TheGreenGoblin » Wed Jan 29, 2020 5:58 pm

I knew a chap with one of those blue buzzing electric insectacutors. Lunch with him in vicinity of the dreadful fly electric chair would be punctuated by the occasional loud sparking sound, a small puff of smoke and a strange aroma. Good for bookmarking the often stilted conversation which would come to a shuddering halt at the moments of execution, but not the best of environments in which to enjoy prandial delights and the aroma did not encourage continuation to the dessert phase.

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Your destination remains
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Re: Just when you think you have seen/heard it all.......

#12 Post by Pontius Navigator » Wed Jan 29, 2020 6:01 pm

Can I recommend the Exterminator electric bat? Not that easy to catch flies but there is a satisfying crack as it explodes wasps.

In keeping with the thread however I am told it should not be applied to bare skin 😁

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Re: Just when you think you have seen/heard it all.......

#13 Post by TheGreenGoblin » Wed Jan 29, 2020 6:08 pm

I once had a chameleon called Graham whose fly catching antics were very satisfying to behold and the way he held court looking in two directions at once while holding his counsel before his long tongue slurped out to terminate the meagre spirit of some luckless fly, inspired a great deal of confidence. He was a good friend and a reminder of nights in a clime where the air was balmy, the food and wine good and the women fair.
Though you remain
Convinced
"To be alive
You must have somewhere
To go
Your destination remains
Elusive."

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Re: Just when you think you have seen/heard it all.......

#14 Post by Capetonian » Wed Jan 29, 2020 6:11 pm

I had a chameleon who lived in my flat in Tamboerskloof, I was very fond of him, he devoured flies and mosquitos, and lurked on a pot plant most of the time. My maid was terrified of him, Africans believe that they are the messenger of the devil. She told me I would die if I picked him up.

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Re: Just when you think you have seen/heard it all.......

#15 Post by TheGreenGoblin » Wed Jan 29, 2020 6:14 pm

Though you remain
Convinced
"To be alive
You must have somewhere
To go
Your destination remains
Elusive."

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Re: Just when you think you have seen/heard it all.......

#16 Post by Hydromet » Wed Jan 29, 2020 9:11 pm

For about a year I share my bedroom with a large huntsman spider, who lived on the curtain above the window. Any mosquito that happened to come in the window usually landed on the curtain, and immediately became a meal. Sadly, one night he just disappeared.

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Re: Just when you think you have seen/heard it all.......

#17 Post by Boac » Wed Jan 29, 2020 9:12 pm

Overfed?

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Re: Just when you think you have seen/heard it all.......

#18 Post by Hydromet » Wed Jan 29, 2020 9:13 pm

My hope is that he went lookin' for love.

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Re: Just when you think you have seen/heard it all.......

#19 Post by 1DC » Wed Jan 29, 2020 9:46 pm

Mrs 1DC who is terrified of spiders, 0300 the other morning we have a scream and i find her sat on the toilet legs in the air because a half dead spider is crawling on the floor. Fifty years ago it would have been sod the spider just stay like that love but now it is remove the spider quickly and get back into bed.
A few years ago we rented a cabin in OZ ,it was late and we were tired so we went straight to bed ,Mrs 1DC remarked on the big spider fridge magnet. Just after dawn the sh1t hits the fan because said fridge magnet had moved from the fridge to the ceiling just above Madam's head. (for fridge magnet read Huntsman!!)

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Re: Just when you think you have seen/heard it all.......

#20 Post by G-CPTN » Wed Jan 29, 2020 9:51 pm

In our family, spiders were female and individuals were called Helen (after a children's book that featured a spider called Helen).

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