Allowances and the fiddling thereof

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Allowances and the fiddling thereof

#1 Post by admin2 » Sat Dec 03, 2022 5:29 pm

Moved from the Jokes thread as it was going a tad awry.

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Re: Friday Jokes

#2 Post by Pontius Navigator » Sat Dec 03, 2022 5:30 pm

Funny you mention Hawaii for that is where our VC10 went tits up.
On TU, we were a bit bent in Offutt for about 3 weeks. We were offered a trip to Los Angeles - churlish to refuse.

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Re: Friday Jokes

#3 Post by Fox3WheresMyBanana » Sat Dec 03, 2022 5:42 pm

We had a Herc nav cross-over to fast jet and join our squadron.
He could not believe the rates and allowances we were not claiming. Within a month, we had more money than we knew what to do with on detachments and landaways.
He would be in attendance when one was phoning round for DACT landaways.

"No, don't go there, phone this lot"
"Why?"
"Because there no accommodation on base, you'll be in the city 14 miles away, and you can claim for a daily taxi ride back to base to check the canopy seal hasn't deflated"
"But, it never deflates, and it's not going to rain anyway."
"I know that, you know that, but you are required to check it"
"I can't be bothered"
"Taxi rides are on a small but select list of items for which you do not have to produce receipts"

..and the light dawned!

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Re: Friday Jokes

#4 Post by Pontius Navigator » Sat Dec 03, 2022 6:19 pm

Fox, well deviating, but in Iceland in certain conditions you were not allowed to walk. Taxis were $4. I gave the crew chief s200 at a time and asked for receipts. I think the going rate for receipts was$5.
We used to ration for each trip, crew 9 but we often took pax. The trip was generally 3 hours but we rationed for 10 as we were always available to divert to Ops.
I kept a tight grip on the money in the Commissary to ensure the SNCOs didn't underspend.
I think I issued about $750 for the 4 nights. Another crew spent very little. Accounts never blinked.

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Re: Friday Jokes

#5 Post by Ex-Ascot » Sun Dec 04, 2022 8:28 am

I could write a book on flight imprest wangles.
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Re: Friday Jokes

#6 Post by EA01 » Sun Dec 04, 2022 9:08 am

"Taxi rides are on a small but select list of items for which you do not have to produce receipts"

..and the light dawned!


Which is....almost kinda theft really.

Similarly, many moons ago working in hotel reception for a short period. The hotel ran a shuttle bus into the center of town. $2 per pax, when the night crew arrived they would 'post' the shuttle bus revenue to the account 'Shuttle Bus',....but it was simply split between the 2 night staff & pocketed. Everyone knew this, it was just what happened. The late crew never minded as it was seen as 'cash' benefit to the over night crew. I was always amazed that in all those years no one in accounts ever questioned why evening revenue on the shuttle bus dropped to virtually zero...

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Re: Friday Jokes

#7 Post by Pontius Navigator » Sun Dec 04, 2022 5:35 pm

EA01 wrote:
Sun Dec 04, 2022 9:08 am
"Taxi rides are on a small but select list of items for which you do not have to produce receipts"

..and the light dawned!


Which is....almost kinda theft really.

Similarly, many moons ago working in hotel reception for a short period. The hotel ran a shuttle bus into the center of town. $2 per pax, when the night crew arrived they would 'post' the shuttle bus revenue to the account 'Shuttle Bus',....but it was simply split between the 2 night staff & pocketed. Everyone knew this, it was just what happened. The late crew never minded as it was seen as 'cash' benefit to the over night crew. I was always amazed that in all those years no one in accounts ever questioned why evening revenue on the shuttle bus dropped to virtually zero...
Not theft but adjustment.

If you want 'theft ' the rates paid during the Bosnian Bonanza were grand larceny sanctioned by the FO allowances team. Crews were accommodated in the usual 5* economy hotel and a diet of croissant and pasta. As that was not catering to their expected standard they were given allowances so they could get a full English in the morning and roast beef and 2 veg in the evening. A couple of months allowances could cover a BMW.

I was only there for a week (different job) and my per diem was around 350,000 lira per day.

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Re: Allowances and the fiddling thereof

#8 Post by Smeagol » Sun Dec 04, 2022 9:07 pm

Worked with a Material Controller on a couple of projects who was known for being very creative with his expenses. He could give you a blank receipt from hotels and restaurants from the London to Aberdeen, had a briefcase full of them. Lifted books of them from restaurant and hotel receptions. He bought a few shares in many pub and hotel chains and would demand his shareholder discount, but only after getting one at the full price.
His manager was heard to mention that he knew Ron was 'on the fiddle' but could never prove it.

This was back in the dark ages when many receipts were hand written.
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Re: Allowances and the fiddling thereof

#9 Post by Fox3WheresMyBanana » Sun Dec 04, 2022 9:12 pm

As I've stated elsewhere on taxes, my creative accounting has only ever been to win back what they, or their callous "system", screwed out of me in the first place.

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Re: Allowances and the fiddling thereof

#10 Post by ExSp33db1rd » Sun Dec 04, 2022 9:45 pm

Back in the days .......... Bermuda used both Bermuda pounds and US dollars around the island, but our nightstop hotel would only pay us our daily allowance in Bermuda dollars, which were worth less, claiming that the Bermuda pound was their official currency, so tough, even tho' we explained that our next stop was New York and US dollars were more use to us, until one day ........... landing at Bermuda there was a notice advising arrivals that the Bermuda pound was 10 % more valuable then the US dollar - some temporary problem in the USA that I forget now, and on arrival at the hotel we were paid our crew allowance ....... in US dollars !
I demanded payment in Bermuda dollars, as per their long established custom, and when we were paid I advised the crew that they could now go along to the nearest bank and gain an extra 10% on their allowance ! Won one.

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Re: Allowances and the fiddling thereof

#11 Post by John Hill » Sun Dec 04, 2022 10:39 pm

I met a fellow who was a relieving station master in the railways organization. He was having his meals in the pub where I was staying and living in a caravan which was loaded on a flat deck wagon in the railyard.

His fiddle was that he owned the caravan and when transferring from one location to another a few words and a carton of beer, or equivalent, would have 'his' flat deck inserted in the necessary train(s).

The employer did not know he owned the caravan and I am sure they did not know he 'owned' the flat deck. They thought he stayed in the grotty country hotels. Yes, he had a collection of blank hotel receipts to prove it.
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Re: Allowances and the fiddling thereof

#12 Post by llondel » Mon Dec 05, 2022 6:20 pm

I never had much opportunity for such things. the best I could do was manufacture a reason to have to visit another company site, which was a decent chunk of money for mileage allowance. I had a high-mileage car anyway (doing 20k+ miles/year), so wear and tear wasn't really an issue, and the fuel economy was pretty good so I invariably came out nicely ahead. The other trick was that we could get a cash advance for such trips, so the trick was to ask for that, offset it against the mileage allowance and write them a cheque for anything left over, which usually didn't get cashed for a couple of weeks, so it was better than using an ATM as a method of getting cash. The trick was always to get more in cash advance than they were going to pay out in mileage and meal expenses to avoid having to wait for the system to grind through and pay up.

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Re: Allowances and the fiddling thereof

#13 Post by Pontius Navigator » Mon Dec 05, 2022 6:47 pm

As Fox said, they always owed you. Remember the notorious Rates, 4 and 5. You got the rare 4 for more than 10 hours away. Leave base at 10, lunch at 12.30 and tea or dinner at 18.00, back at 19.30 and they only paid the light snack rate as you were 30 minutes less than 10 hours.

As a CS I was e titled to 1st Class travel, meal cost and half a bottle of wine with dinner. Mrs PN, officially travelling on rates, and dining in the RAF Club chose a bottle of Beaune £36 a bottle. Our accountant didn't blink. However she jibbed at 1st class rail travel "but the Colonel only travels 2nd".

"So?" I asked. I got 1st class.

It was the Colonel's fault. Previously we would be sensible. Then he said he wanted to pre-authorise our claims. Only think for it was to bid high.

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Re: Allowances and the fiddling thereof

#14 Post by Fox3WheresMyBanana » Mon Dec 05, 2022 8:34 pm

My first encounter with the system was when I had to go on a long train journey.
I wasn't very hungry, so I thought I'd save HM the Q some money and got a sandwich from the buffet car.
Yes, I was that naive.
Receipt refused. I was told if I'd eaten in the restaurant car at 7 times the cost, it would have been fully refunded, but for doing the MoD a favour I got nothing but debt.

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Re: Allowances and the fiddling thereof

#15 Post by Boac » Mon Dec 05, 2022 8:46 pm

All this talk of 'allowances' and 'restaurant car dining' takes me back to my days in my green growbag, queueing with the troops with my aluminium meal tin at the camp kitchen before dossing down on my camp bed in the tent on a Harrier deployment. Different Air Force.

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Re: Allowances and the fiddling thereof

#16 Post by Fox3WheresMyBanana » Mon Dec 05, 2022 9:21 pm

Camp kitchen? Camp bed??
Luxury!

When I was on the Norwegian Icecap..........

..why yes, I was based in Yorkshire at the time..How did thee guess, lad?

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Re: Allowances and the fiddling thereof

#17 Post by 1DC » Mon Dec 05, 2022 11:07 pm

Organised myself a round trip to the USA in First class myself instead of using the official company ticket provider and saved my budget 40%, when I put my expenses in I got a note from accounts telling me I was a naughty boy and I had to use the official provider. I didn't take any notice and I did it again a month later, this time I got a call from my boss telling me I had to use the official ticket provider.I told him I was saving 40% a ticket on my budget and everyone should be booking tickets my way and not the companies way. My boss was a bit of a weakling and I inferred that as long as I was saving money I would keep doing it and take the bollocking! Next thing I get a call from my Vice President saying he admires my spirit but if I don't do as I am told I will be fired.He said ticketing was organised through corporate headquarters and they got the discounts and they were going to keep it and I wouldn't be getting any of it..Nobody was told what the level of discount was.

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Re: Allowances and the fiddling thereof

#18 Post by CharlieOneSix » Mon Dec 05, 2022 11:14 pm

Back when British Airways Helicopters was in existence, and whilst flying an identical type, it was not unusual around lunchtime to overtake one of their S61s whilst still offshore and inbound to ABZ. It didn't take long to find out why it was becoming a regular occurrence - BALPA had recently negotiated an allowance for BAH crews if they were airborne after the start of a certain qualifying time over the lunch period.
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Re: Allowances and the fiddling thereof

#19 Post by John Hill » Tue Dec 06, 2022 3:29 am

It was not a fiddle but really there was no need to fiddle anything.

I was posted to a Pacific island. Sunshine, blue Pacific and sandy beaches, coconut trees and some of the world's most pleasant people. It was a solo post and I was single but I had to live somewhere so I got the fully furnished house (6 beds in the house plus detached quarters for a house maid). Special allowances for 'isolation' and 'location', also a very low tax rate. Unlimited miles in a near-new Landrover.

Of course it was not all gin and tonics and snorkeling in fact every week, every blimmin week, a plane would come on Friday and I would have to go to work (half a day)!

Fifty plus years later I find it hard to believe I should have ever been so unfairly treated!
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Re: Allowances and the fiddling thereof

#20 Post by ExSp33db1rd » Tue Dec 06, 2022 5:29 am

I was posted to a Pacific island. Sunshine, blue Pacific and sandy beaches,
First three months of my service on the B-707 were on a Hawaii posting. The RAF had a small contingent based at the USAF base adjacent to Honolulu Airport, to service the Hastings on a re-fuelling stop en route to Christmas Island once a week, they only worked two days a week, e.g. one outbound stop and one homebound stop of the aircraft. The children at the adjacent USAF school were let out of school early on the relevant afternoons - to go see a tailwheel aircraft !

One of our colleagues had spent time in the RAF with their base commander, and they had organised themselves a boat and water skiing eqpt. that they used almost daily on a beach lagoon at the side of the HNL airport. They had water skis, we had stewardesses. We did a deal. The RAF BAse Commander was entitled to use the USAF Officers Club situated at the base of Diamond Head. He was allowed to take guests and claim 50 cents dinner allowance !

Sometime later the beach we used was reclaimed for the construction of a new runway, and when I subsequently landed on the new runway some million years later, I would tell the co-pilot that I learned to water ski on this runway. He would give me a very peculiar look.

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