Limerick Thread

[OFSO]

When Liz Hurley got stuck in Antigua
She e-mailed our Woody "what a pig you are"
"for BA are just wankers
They should all be on jankers

[John Hill]

I drove me ute around Down Under
Saw Uluru it was a wonder
Stopped for a meal
..at Camooweal
Then up the road I stopped to chunder.

[Opsboi]

There was a young lady from Bude
Who went for a swim in a pond
A man in a punt
Stuck his pole in the water
And said "You can't swim here, it's private"

[Opsboi]

There was a young man from St Bee's
Who was horribly stung by a wasp
When they asked "Does it hurt?"
He replied "Yes, it does -
But thank heavens it wasn't a hornet"

[Opsboi]

All extracts from my upcoming publication - "First-draft limericks through the ages"

[OFSO]

I was waiting for a final line to my first post...

[Opsboi]

I was waiting for a final line to my first post...

Hmmm

Poor thread title, then

"When Liz Hurley got stuck in Antigua
She e-mailed our Woody "what a pig you are"
"for BA are just wankers
They should all be on jankers
And drive me home in a Jaguar"

Which, obvs, isn't even vaguely funny

[Hydromet]

As limericks should be at least a little off-colour...

When Liz Hurley got stuck in Antigua
She e-mailed our Woody "what a pig you are"
"for BA are just wankers"
"They should all be on jankers,"
"But I can't forget what a good shag you are."
=======================================

[G-CPTN]

One a day that young lady from Bude
Went out on the stage in the nude.
A bloke at the front shouted out "I can smell . . ."
"Just like that - right out loud - bloody rude!"

[Hydromet]

When she was up on stage,
She was starting to show her age.
One fellow said "Mate"
"You can look up her date"
"And also, her décolletage."
=======================

[Boac]

A dashing young queer from Khartoum
Took a lesbian up to his roum
They spent the whole night in a hell of a fight
Over who should do what and to whoum

[CharlieOneSix]

There was a young girl from Cape Cod
Who thought all things came from God
But it wasn't the Almighty who lifted her nightie
It was Roger, the lodger, the sod.

[Boac]

Greta said Andrew had a very small willy
And all the girls thought it rather silly
To save any trouble
He put it in double
But instead of coming he went.

[TheGreenAnger]

Greta said Andrew had a very small willy
And all the girls thought it rather silly
To save any trouble
He put it in double
But instead of coming he went.

Lymicry of the finest sort!

[OFSO]

While bending to light our wood fire
I flatulated, to my wife's ire
The gaseous expulsion
Made a spontaneous combustion
And the flames have never been higher!

[llondel]

A lad and a lass from Aberystwyth
United the lips that they kystwyth.
But as they grow older,
They also grew bolder,
And played with the things that they pystwyth.

[OFSO]

A plumber from Leigh on the Sea
Was plumbing his girl by the sea
Said she "someone's coming !"
Said he (still plumbing)
"If anyone's coming, it's me..."

(Mods, if this ribald versicle offends the gentle susceptibilities of the more shockable members of Ops Normal giving them a Fit of the Vapours, please delete).

[Opsboi]

There was a young lady from Bude
Who went for a swim in a pond
A man in a punt stuck his pole in the water
And said "You can't swim here, it's private"

[Hydromet]

There was a young fellow from Ryde
Who fell town a dunny and died.
His silly young brother
Fell down another
And so they were interred side by side.

[Pinky the pilot]

There was a young Monk from Liberia
Whose morals were clearly inferior.
One day he did to a Nun what he shouldn't have done
And now she's a Mother superior.