The bloody thing must have stood up.

[boing]

The early morning "Met Briefing" at RAF Flying Training Schools was not a humorous occasion. First, the timing was so early that people did not feel particularly chatty and, second, it was considered to be the formal start of the working day and hence a serious occasion. Everyone from flying wing was expected to attend.

Participants arrived and took up their historically assigned positions in reverse order of rank. First to arrive were the students who stood milling around the rear of the room before taking any seats that happened to be free after the "other ranks" had been seated. Second, the instructors who knew that the front rows of chairs were for the VIPs so they seated themselves accordingly, Third, the squadron and flight commandeers who sat on the periphery of the front rows and, finally, seconds before the briefing was planned to start, Wing Commander Flying/Chief Flying Instructor would appear with his entourage of the day. Of course, everyone who had been seated stood up at his arrival and the formal start of the briefing was when he turned to the multitude, said "Good Morning Gentleman" and sat down.

The rest of the briefing followed a script during which the Station Meteorological Officer, actually a civilian, gave his, quite detailed, presentation on the anticipated daily weather.

There was, however, one variable - the early morning local area weather check flight. I suppose it was a general rule but there was a tradition that no "solo" student could fly until the local area weather had been checked by an instructor in an actual flight. The weather near several of the east coast training schools could be quite tricky in the mornings so this was generally considered to be a good idea. Now, this meant that the assigned weather check pilot had to be up-and-around and ready to take off at the beginning of the morning weather briefing so the pilot had to be ready to go to work very early. Once you were airborne the weather check flight was quite fun because you had an aircraft to play with for an hour before everyone else got airborne. Getting up for the flight was a pain. The procedure for the weather check was quite simple, check the local area weather, radio the report to ATC who would then 'phone the weather briefing room and pass on the message for use in the briefing. Everyone expected the 'phone to ring with this report during the briefing.

We were however fortunate since we had a crazy, and probably insomniac, instructor who just loved to do weather checks and volunteered for them regularly. He was, shall we say, an independent thinker and had his own methods of carrying out the weather check duties. The first of his unconventional procedures was what was known as a "downwind visibility check. This consisted of getting airborne, making a 180 degree turn off the end of the airfield with full power applied, diving back at the airfield and flying along the runway he had departed from as low and as fast as he could make the aircraft go. All considered to be great fun. Of course, since the powers that be were in the weather briefing and the Air Traffic Controllers who actually saw the flypast liked to get rides with the instructors occasionally nobody who mattered would talk about this little bit of mischief, it was quietly accepted. What could not be totally ignored in the weather briefing was the sound of the aircraft getting airborne followed shortly thereafter by the "whoosh" of the aircraft as it made its high-speed pass down the runway. As the whoosh occurred people carefully avoided hearing it or, for a particulary good one, glanced at each other knowingly with a slight smile.

So, on this particular day, briefing as normal, sound of weather check aircraft getting airborne as normal, "whoosh" as the aircraft carried out the "downwind visibility check" as normal. Then the 'phone rings - this is not normal, it is too soon for the weather check to be complete. Someone answers the 'phone and reports to Wing Commander Flying "XXXX has hit a bird and is returning to the field for an emergency landing"

Silence in the room except for one of the students at the rear of the room who said in a stage managed whisper, audible to everyone in the room ........
"The bloody thing must have stood up"

[Alisoncc]

Brilliant.

Alison

[stuart]

"The bloody thing must have stood up"

Excellent boing

[Rwy in Sight]

A very cool briefing indeed. Thank you.

[Mrs Ex-Ascot]

Boing keep the stories rolling in please!

[Ex-Ascot]

Another excellent story boing.

Yes indeed the QFIs got up to all sorts of naughtiness on the dawn wx cx. I seem to remember that one sadly flew himself into a reservoir. Can't find the details. JP out of Linton early 80s?

[Boac]

Back in the days of the Folland Gnat with the Red Arrows, there was an 'interesting' incident during one 'runway inspection' arrival (France, I think) where there was installed an 'auto-barrier', the raising of which could be triggered by the passage of metal through the optical sensors above a certain speed - answers on a postcard?

[ExSp33db1rd]

Hit a bird on landing at Madras - now called something else that escapes me - and the co-pilot reported it to ATC immediately. On chocks was presented with a Bird Strike report before the doors were even fully opened, details like, species of bird, colour, size, weight, wingspan and a lot of other totally ridiculous questions. I just said it was a bloody big brown one, and now I suppose I have to pay for it ? No, was the answer, we don't charge for dead birds in India. No sense of humour. Next time I visited I cautioned the co-pilot to keep his mouth shut if we hit a bird on landing. Life's too short.