Should I go back or not?

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dubbleyew eight
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Re: Should I go back or not?

#41 Post by dubbleyew eight » Sun Feb 21, 2016 1:47 pm

no moreaviation that isn't quite it.
you have a western value set. you are seeing this through western eyes.
thai girls think totally differently from westerners. they have a totally different conceptual framework.

I think that this could best be summed up in this way "if you were making love to your Thai wife and you died suddenly, she would roll your naked body in the carpet on the floor after having taken the wallet from your jeans on the chair and then leave the house in search of another man without shedding a tear".


again you see this through western eyes, from a wealthy perspective and a culture with social welfare protections.

thailand doesn't tax people. it also has no welfare protections. you are free to get off your bum and go out and strive for a future. you can cook and sell food on the side of the footpath if you want.
a thai is free to do this. if they don't try to derive an income there is no social welfare to fall back on.
so this results in a girl having a buddhist outlook on life knowing that if she wallows in self pity she gets nowhere.
they become quite self reliant. added to this the typical thai chap is a bit of a slacker and can't be relied on, they don't handle pressure well at all.
so the girl leaving the house in search of another man is just a girl reacting quickly to adversity. these people have seen huge amounts of adversity in their lives and they just stoically get on with life.

it has taken me many trips to thailand in the company of local residents to even half understand their mindset.
I quite like them. the thai are a resilient people just doing the best they can in the environment around them.

so my tip for slasher is stop thinking like a farang, stop expecting a hundred year relationship, live the way the thai do and enjoy life while you can.
(do keep that secret bank account though as a backstop).

btw thai girls shed tears but probably in private. saving and maintaining face or respect is a large part of the culture.

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Re: Should I go back or not?

#42 Post by Capetonian » Sun Feb 21, 2016 2:03 pm

The above pretty much sums up why cross-cultural relationships are generally doomed to failure if either partner is taking a long-term view.
If it has wheels, wings, or boobs, rent it, don't buy it.
The better it look,s the more ***** it will give you and the more it will cost you.
Not that I'm cynical.

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Re: Should I go back or not?

#43 Post by dubbleyew eight » Sun Feb 21, 2016 2:08 pm

the thais have no real experience with the western technical life.
so slasher goes off to a remote site for work and is delayed returning.
to a westerner this creates no anguish.
however a thai girl has all around her men who "go off to work remotely for long periods". one I know found that hubby was actually in the next village making merry with one of the girls there.
sometimes the thai girl succumbs to doubt and gets on with life.
they really don't have the exposure to the technical western life that we lead. a lot of things we take for granted they really don't quite understand.

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Re: Should I go back or not?

#44 Post by MoreAviation » Sun Feb 21, 2016 3:56 pm

D8, I appreciate that these women live in a different culture without the protection and social norms that I may take for granted but that is just the point isn't it. We are always going to be Farang (foreigners) and seen as useful meal tickets for a society and women that see us as foreigners, to be utilised, not necessarily despised but not really liked either.

I'd rather be on my own than be a Farang all my life, the word derived originally from the old derogatory Hindi term for European.

Maybe I am just not culturally acute enough but there it is.

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Re: Should I go back or not?

#45 Post by MoreAviation » Sun Feb 21, 2016 4:46 pm

Wow, More Aviation, you are a lot more of a romantic than I would have expected?!
Pragmatic romantic, at that?


Probes you know they say that nature abhors a vacuum in the same way that reality abhors the romantic...
Still, where would we be without a little romance eh? :ymblushing:

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Re: Should I go back or not?

#46 Post by dubbleyew eight » Mon Feb 22, 2016 6:39 am

I sat in a large party one night in wine connection in bangkok.
my brother (who has a thai wife) invited all his farang mates and their thai wives out for what turned out to be a delightful night.
I was sitting next to an absolutely beautiful phillipino girl who was married to one of the guys.
everyone at the table had been long term friends. in quiet conversation I asked her whether the girls were mercenaries about marrying the guys.
were they all in it just for the wealthy farang lifestyle?
she had a good look at each of the girls remembering what their history had been and told me that all the girls on the table were genuinely in love with the guys.
none of them were mercenaries and all hoped for long marriages.
so my experience is that if we treat the people with respect and occasionally a hint of lust we aren't despised and we get along quite fine.

one of the things that I love about thailand is that it is so totally utterly different from the stultifying over regulation that we experience in australia.
this of course means that it is a different environment. more different than you'd ever expect.

one day I caused world war 3 in my brothers household.
I walked past young niece watching television and as I walked past I put my hand on her head and tousled her hair, much as we do to kids in australia.
the eruption of indignation was incredible!
aunty and niece enter quite animated conversation for 10 minutes. brother looks at me and shrugs.
he has a good command of thai but understood nothing of the conversation.
it turns out that in thai society there is quite an elaborate tradition of touching others. where the touch occurs is significant.
touching on the top of the head is reserved only for the holy leader of the country.
in the eyes of young niece I had just proclaimed that I was god.
shall I say that brother and I learnt a massive amount about thai culture that day.
I have spent ages since discussing with niece and aunty that we australians have none of these traditions and are totally unaware that they exist.
the thais have a rich culture and they have as much trouble understanding us as we do them.
abominations like the sex strip of pattaya do nothing for cultural harmony.

in dealings with thai women we need to be mindful of the Vietnam era. Thailand was an R and R destination for stressed american troops.
they lavished lots of money on the girls so in an environment of grinding rural poverty it is easy to see what happened.
the stigma continues to today.
if a girl is seen cuddling a farang in public she is seen as a prostitute by the society. it has happened so often before.
most thai girls aren't prostitutes and in fact are quite moral within the framework of their society.
so no touching in public or the reputation suffers and no touching in the deeply symbolic cultural areas or all hell breaks loose.

young niece thinks uncle (me) is a bit of a doofus. uncle only speaks english and half a dozen words of thai and often gets those wrong.
6 year old niece is conversationally competent in english, thai and khmer. khmer being the secret language used between her and aunty so that brother can't understand.

it is a very different society. thailand is for the thais. farangs can't own anything in thailand. all the farangs I encounter live in a world where their wives own everything.
as a typical farang you must exit and reenter the country every so often. if you have caused any problems you are simply denied reentry.
one guy I heard of had to get his friends to sell up house and contents because he was refused entry into the country. this is why I tell slasher to have a secret bank account.
if he is ever refused reentry he will need it.

so slasher you're in thailand. you have a son. forgive the girl and get on with enjoying life in that very different society.

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Re: Should I go back or not?

#47 Post by Fliegenmong » Mon Feb 22, 2016 11:16 am

I tend to side with Cape here...and at the risk of being labelled a racist, and prone to generalisations....I don't trust Thai people....and I work with more than a few Aussie males who have been fleeced by them...Thais), and am staggered by the amount who think a realtionship is a good idea...

Just my 2c though.....indeed do everything in your power to maintain your relationship with your Son! That is paramount!! I think though the expectation is that if you cheated on her, she'd be outta there!.....with much encouragement from her GF's.....So why not embrace some sexual equality and do the same!!

OFSO offers some sound advice... :(
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go... Oscar Wilde

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Re: Should I go back or not?

#48 Post by Slasher » Mon Feb 22, 2016 12:32 pm

To go back or not - I've read all your replies and I have to say I agree with the ayes and the
naes - but I'm still chewing the cud about what to do and its something I can't afford to rush
in and decide thereby possibly causing a balls up in my future.

The ex had been exposed to the farang culture well before I was on the scene. She's educated
and speaks perfect English - among other things her primary job was with Thai Inter as a chief
liaison with Western pax at BKK. That's where I met her.

Guys I've done more homework since posting - she has indeed only fcuked up just that once
and seriously regrets it. A mutual confidante yesterday told me she doesn't have another bloke
nor does she want one - except me - and thats a bit of a surprise since I expected she'd have
someone in her pants by now, given her extremely high sex drive. And according to the same
source she's not the same woman anymore. Morose and moody.

The main problem is I still love the sh!t out of her...and hate that she's in pain even after all
this time since we splat. However I expected that this might happen before we split - so I am
indeed trying to remain as pragmatic as possible. But the fcuking memories linger like those
I've told some of you about over at TOP - that Surfin' Bird thing, taking pot shots at her garden
gnomes with my AK47 and her yelling at me for doing it, the night my dick got superglued while
trying to stick one of her favorite dinner plates together, teaching her how to use my rifle and
she ends up shooting my car's gas tank from 800m away.... All this sh!t I really treasure.

Cape's right about not trusting Thai women. But Apsara is that one Thai in a billion with a big
difference in attitude and outlook on life than her compatriots of the same sex. No fleecing,
no *****, straight up.

Anyway I'll continue dropping by when I can to read further replies. Thanks for the ones so far.

MoreAviation

Re: Should I go back or not?

#49 Post by MoreAviation » Mon Feb 22, 2016 12:46 pm

The main problem is I still love the sh!t out of her...and hate that she's in pain even after all
this time since we splat. However I expected that this might happen before we split - so I am
indeed trying to remain as pragmatic as possible. But the fcuking memories linger like those
I've told some of you about over at TOP - that Surfin' Bird thing, taking pot shots at her garden
gnomes with my AK47 and her yelling at me for doing it, the night my dick got superglued while
trying to stick one of her favorite dinner plates together, teaching her how to use my rifle and
she ends up shooting my car's gas tank from 800m away.... All this sh!t I really treasure.


The opening paragraph to Slasher's best selling novel "Bangkok" Boogie Nights... "a riotous romp through the kicker elastic of love and life"... :-bd

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Re: Should I go back or not?

#50 Post by rgbrock1 » Mon Feb 22, 2016 3:42 pm

Slasher wrote:To go back or not - I've read all your replies and I have to say I agree with the ayes and the
naes - but I'm still chewing the cud about what to do and its something I can't afford to rush
in and decide thereby possibly causing a balls up in my future.

The ex had been exposed to the farang culture well before I was on the scene. She's educated
and speaks perfect English - among other things her primary job was with Thai Inter as a chief
liaison with Western pax at BKK. That's where I met her.

Guys I've done more homework since posting - she has indeed only fcuked up just that once
and seriously regrets it. A mutual confidante yesterday told me she doesn't have another bloke
nor does she want one - except me - and thats a bit of a surprise since I expected she'd have
someone in her pants by now, given her extremely high sex drive. And according to the same
source she's not the same woman anymore. Morose and moody.

The main problem is I still love the sh!t out of her...and hate that she's in pain even after all
this time since we splat. However I expected that this might happen before we split - so I am
indeed trying to remain as pragmatic as possible. But the fcuking memories linger like those
I've told some of you about over at TOP - that Surfin' Bird thing, taking pot shots at her garden
gnomes with my AK47 and her yelling at me for doing it, the night my dick got superglued while
trying to stick one of her favorite dinner plates together, teaching her how to use my rifle and
she ends up shooting my car's gas tank from 800m away.... All this sh!t I really treasure.

Cape's right about not trusting Thai women. But Apsara is that one Thai in a billion with a big
difference in attitude and outlook on life than her compatriots of the same sex. No fleecing,
no *****, straight up.

Anyway I'll continue dropping by when I can to read further replies. Thanks for the ones so far.


Enough. Just get the **** back with her. Forgive her and live your life with her and your son.
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MoreAviation

Re: Should I go back or not?

#51 Post by MoreAviation » Mon Feb 22, 2016 3:50 pm

[bbvideo=560,315]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9X_ViIPA-Gc[/bbvideo]

He'll never lie to his woman.
He'll never forget the way she feels.
He'll never forgive himself if he and his woman don't go all the way in their relationship.
He'll never have better sex than he did when he was with his woman.
He'll never stop dreaming about his woman.
He'll never think that their relationship was just a fling, and move on to someone else.
He'll never break the relationship and start screwing other women.

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Re: Should I go back or not?

#52 Post by Octopussy2 » Mon Feb 22, 2016 4:12 pm

I agree with RG's advice. I would add that "forgive her" should imply "never mention it again" -ie. don't bring it up every time you have an argument.

Added to that, your place is with your son. You're missing out on his childhood (and he is missing out on you). You only get one chance to do it right.

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Re: Should I go back or not?

#53 Post by dubbleyew eight » Mon Feb 22, 2016 5:04 pm

my brother has been married to a lovely thai for about 10 years.
they are not all gold diggers. some are pretty nice people.

one of my mates has married a thai and she is a gem of a woman.

just bye the bye you mentioned having a new one lined up. are you that much of a saint that you can't forgive the girl?
after all she hasn't killed or hurt anyone.
silly boy slasher. get back there.

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Re: Should I go back or not?

#54 Post by reddo » Mon Feb 22, 2016 5:35 pm

Here's a question. Would she forgive you if you shagged someone else?

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Re: Should I go back or not?

#55 Post by dubbleyew eight » Tue Feb 23, 2016 12:15 pm

slasher is probably more in a quandary than he ever was before.
before it was just raw emotion.
now it is a mass of conflicting advice all of which is valid depending on how relevant the persons viewpoint is.
I love it. you're f@cked as to which way to go so you ask agony aunt.
then you get 4,000 differing expert opinions.
so you read them all and think them over and now you are expertly f@cked. and you still don't know which way to turn. :-) :-)

I love agony aunt. I really do.

just remember slasher. the best sex is makeup sex....

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Re: Should I go back or not?

#56 Post by rgbrock1 » Tue Feb 23, 2016 12:37 pm

dubbleyew eight wrote:just remember slasher. the best sex is makeup sex....


Makeup sex? Is that when both parties wear makeup while having sex? :D :D
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Re: Should I go back or not?

#57 Post by dubbleyew eight » Tue Feb 23, 2016 12:43 pm

rgbrock1 you've obviously never been married or you were too drunk to notice. =((

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Re: Should I go back or not?

#58 Post by A Lutra Continua » Wed Feb 24, 2016 11:03 am

rgbrock1 wrote:
dubbleyew eight wrote:just remember slasher. the best sex is makeup sex....


Makeup sex? Is that when both parties wear makeup while having sex? :D :D



That's a ranger thing.

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Re: Should I go back or not?

#59 Post by Pinky the pilot » Wed Feb 24, 2016 11:38 am

Having sex? What's that? Think I knew once but it's been some time...... :ymblushing: :( ;)

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Re: Should I go back or not?

#60 Post by 500N » Fri Feb 26, 2016 5:28 am

A Lutra Continua wrote:
rgbrock1 wrote:
dubbleyew eight wrote:just remember slasher. the best sex is makeup sex....


Makeup sex? Is that when both parties wear makeup while having sex? :D :D


That's a ranger thing.


:D Very good Lutra.

I supposed we could add between two males, you know what these Ranger's are like ;)

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