Should I go back or not?

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Slasher

Should I go back or not?

#1 Post by Slasher » Tue Feb 16, 2016 4:50 pm

I miss the ex.

I REALLY do. I get strong vibes she truly misses me too. She's 20 years my junior.

But I shouldn't go back to her... should I?

It all started...(um...this is going to be long)...it all started 2 years ago when she shagged a guy out the back of a local drinkery while I was away working overseas. I'd never've found out except for a tipoff from a mate who saw her do it. We'd been married for a respectable number of years and we have a kid. She's Thai and absolutely perfect - fantastic tits, face, bum, legs, snatch, the lot. The sex had always been utterly fantastic (first class pornographic would be an apt description) but our level of relationship was indeed real love - 'de-objectified' as the purists say - and yeh I wanted to grow old with her. I never shagged anyone else since we hitched but I do admit I'd pushed the envelope to its limits on very rare occasion.

Anyway I'd been away 3 weeks and I told her my roster was FUBAR and looked like I'd have to be here another 2, which made 5 weeks before I could get home. She said fair enough, we'll get through it and said we could always video Skypesex if things got too itchy at either end (the ex was constantly horny as was I).

I got back to our home airport where a good mate intercepted me at Arrival. He told me bluntly he'd seen her go to our usual boozery with her usual bunch of GF's, get horribly drunk and after stumps and her GFs had all staggered off, shagged a fcuking foreign tourist out the back (I won't say his nationality but if I see him in Pitt St one day I'll deck the bastard!). When I got home we had the usual small talk of where'd she'd been and what she'd been doing, and ANYTHING ELSE YOU THINK YOU SHOULD TELL ME? The answer was an unnervous matter-of-fact no. After contronting her and after a few hours of argument, she confessed she did screw a guy. I went nuts knowing its all over - the
trust is totally gone now, and I couldn't get back into her snatch knowing some sh!thead had poked it.

Then there was the crying and murmuring and yelling and the full gamut of emotion - she said it was a moment of weakness and would NEVER happen again EVER! EVER! EVER! This went on for hours till I said I'll move out to the local hotel for the time I was supposed to be home. See you tomorrow. I left the room phone off the hook and blocked her on my mobile. I didn't sleep very well. Next day I found her downstairs in the lobby where'd she'd been all night - I'd given a fistful of baht and strict instruction to the front desk chick (who we both knew well) that no one was permitted to be told my room no. I was on my way to the hotel brekky so I said ok you can tag along. BIG mistake. No sooner had my fork hit the plate she loudly bawled her head off and yelled at bewildered Thais and Yanks as to what the fcuk they were looking at! She looked like sh!t and was embarrassing herself so I decided we'd go home and have it out there.

I got the real impression she was genuinely sorry for what she'd done. I'd asked her WHY she didn't tell me of this stray fcuk to begin with. If she did I'd've still been sh!tty, but would've tried to work out with her what had gone wrong. Was it the lonliness of me being away? Was it an impulsive slutty moment? AND WHY THE HELL DIDN'T YOU GO HOME WITH THE REST OF THE GIRLS LIKE YOU USUALLY DO?!! She admitted the booze got to her head and pussy. After shagging the guy she drove home and showered herself for an hour. She drank coffee, sobered up, admitted to herself she'd really screwed up but wouldn't mention it to me as I'd be unnecessarily hurt and had vowed after her 5th coffee never to shag anyone else ever again.

WRONG!

Before we got hitched we verbally agreed that if either of us strayed unintentionally we'd tell the other and attempt to remedy the cause. If we could then we put it behind us and carry on. If we can't we'd split and divorce. Simple as that. My dick had never touched a snatch, tit, hand, or mouth that didn't belong to her - she went and screwed a total stranger while standing up out the back of a pub (OUR pub I might add) and took all his slosh inside her (fortunately she was on the Pill). But above all that the decider was that she didn't tell me and LIED about the evening in question. The trust was gone...forever.

We separated, shortly thereafter divorced, and I left my job and am working further away from Thailand. I had been banging a Yank teacher in the country of my present employ (a fcuk-buddy arrangement) till she fell in love with some guy in Canada. Since then there's one very nice slightly older lady in Europe who I hope to actively engage with soon. But every month for a couple of days I go to my flat in Bangkok where the ex brings down my son to be with me while she stays at a GF's house. The problem is there's definite (and at times near overwhelming) electricity between my ex and I, and if I let go we'd be screwing each other's brains out and we'd both want to go home up in Northern Thailand. And a further problem is I'd know she'd jump on my bones and cry her guts out if I did let go.

I know for a hard fact she isn't bonking anyone else.

So...there it is. My logical brain says stay away - she's had another Dickins Cider behind my back, lied... - while my heart says go back, forgive her and live the rest of our lives in the utter happiness we could enjoy again.

Any comment?

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Re: Should I go back or not?

#2 Post by OFSO » Tue Feb 16, 2016 5:13 pm

Yes, you should, She truly loves you. Life with her will be bliss. You should trust her utterly. Everything will be fine.

But always wear a condom when having any type of sex with her. Better still, two condoms. Even better, one like this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7YFC0O393DQ

Capetonian

Re: Should I go back or not?

#3 Post by Capetonian » Tue Feb 16, 2016 6:22 pm

Sorry mate and I know this will sound harsh, unfair, and a generalisation, but I've had a few friends who have had relationships from 'quickies' to marriage with Thai women, particularly younger ones.
I will say this :
Rule No 1 : Never, ever trust a Thai woman
Rule No 2 : If you think you can trust a Thai woman, refer to rule number 1
.
They screw around, they drink, they do drugs, they gamble, they lie, they run up debt, they have minds like calculating machines. They are all round bad news.
I admit I'm biased, having worked with Thai people, I find them unlikeable, false, and utterly untrustworthy and devious.
The only think I like about Thailand is the food, and luckily you can get Thai food just about anywhere.

I hope you can get over your ex, find someone worthier, and make a new life for yourself.

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Re: Should I go back or not?

#4 Post by compo » Wed Feb 17, 2016 1:44 am

Slasher wrote:...

Since then there's one very nice slightly older lady in Europe who I hope to actively engage with soon.

...


Stay away from Nora Batty, Slash. She's spoken for. :x

And I suggest you ignore the Caped one's advice - he's just embittered by that incident with the ladyboy in Bangkok. =((

But seriously, if you don't give your ex one, just one, chance you'll spend the rest of your life wondering "what if ..." -- and don't forget to factor in the possible outcomes for the kid. (e.g. some bozo step father, or a series of "uncles" ...)

That said, only you(s) can make that tough decision.

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Re: Should I go back or not?

#5 Post by Mrs Ex-Ascot » Wed Feb 17, 2016 5:53 am

My advice is DO NOT DO IT!

Many years ago a boyfriend cheated on me. His loyal mates told me. He lied to me so obviously that I instantly terminated the relationship. Then stupidly believed the "I promise it'll never happen again ".Of course it did happen again; within a few weeks. Total trust permanently destroyed and end of relationship FOREVER. Despite all his pathetic pleading I refused to be a dull woman a second time. And I don't regret my decision for even a microsecond.

Also don't be weakened by the "sake of the child "argument. If you do go back to your ex and subsequently split up again it would create even more trauma and disruption for all involved. And to me it sounds as though lust is the driving force behind your dilemma and so even more reason NOT TO DO IT. L-)
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Re: Should I go back or not?

#6 Post by probes » Wed Feb 17, 2016 8:47 am

Dear Slash,
you can't unbreak a cup - but, it's possible to glue back the pieces, if the cup is of great (sentimental) value. IF it's not totally shattered and there's enough left to glue the pieces to. And you'll have to remember about the scars. It's not as flawless as before and more fragile than before - both of you have to keep it in mind. There might be the danger of thinking it could and would be glued up again, if it was fixed once...

But there are no guarantees in life, and if it's more about trust than cheating, then one just has to trust someone? It's impossible to be 100% sure of anybody - "Life is what happens to you when you're busy making other plans"

[bbvideo=560,315]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lt3IOdDE5iA[/bbvideo]

Btw, I'm not sure at all your friend did the right thing. He should have spoken to her.

P.S to be more matter-of-fact, a late friend of mine always told me to actually write down the pluses and minuses before major decisions. You two might start with a list of what you're missing and compare the lists (if it doesn't encourage her thinking the outcome might be positive). And decide what are the things that weigh down one scale or the other.

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Re: Should I go back or not?

#7 Post by rgbrock1 » Wed Feb 17, 2016 3:40 pm

probes wrote:Dear Slash,
you can't unbreak a cup - but, it's possible to glue back the pieces, if the cup is of great (sentimental) value. IF it's not totally shattered and there's enough left to glue the pieces to. And you'll have to remember about the scars. It's not as flawless as before and more fragile than before - both of you have to keep it in mind. There might be the danger of thinking it could and would be glued up again, if it was fixed once...

But there are no guarantees in life, and if it's more about trust than cheating, then one just has to trust someone? It's impossible to be 100% sure of anybody - "Life is what happens to you when you're busy making other plans"

[bbvideo=560,315]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lt3IOdDE5iA[/bbvideo]

Btw, I'm not sure at all your friend did the right thing. He should have spoken to her.

P.S to be more matter-of-fact, a late friend of mine always told me to actually write down the pluses and minuses before major decisions. You two might start with a list of what you're missing and compare the lists (if it doesn't encourage her thinking the outcome might be positive). And decide what are the things that weigh down one scale or the other.


Beautifully written probes. :YMAPPLAUSE:
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Re: Should I go back or not?

#8 Post by rgbrock1 » Wed Feb 17, 2016 3:44 pm

Slash,

Normally I wouldn't touch a topic such as this one with a ten foot pole, or even the length of an aircraft carrier. but in this case.....

.... I would disagree with Cape and say to you, go for it. It's obvious you both still love each other. And although the trust may not ever be 100% again you may spend the rest of your life living the "what if" if you don't. Make it plain and simple to her that if she ever entertains a thought like that again it would truly be over forever. But you do owe it to yourself to give her one more chance. It's not like she loved the guy or anything. What she did was indeed despicable but sometimes, for the things that matter to us, we have to reach down deep inside of us and find forgiveness. Do it, Slash. I'll bet that you'll be happy for it.
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Re: Should I go back or not?

#9 Post by Flame Lily FX » Wed Feb 17, 2016 5:58 pm

I'm from the old school where you don't accept bad behaviour.
Nasty Bitch bent over the kitchen sink!
I could see that, if not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled.

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Re: Should I go back or not?

#10 Post by rgbrock1 » Wed Feb 17, 2016 6:07 pm

Flame Lily FX wrote:I'm from the old school where you don't accept bad behaviour.


So am I Flame Lily. But I'm also of the old school which promotes the concept of forgiveness.
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Re: Should I go back or not?

#11 Post by Flame Lily FX » Wed Feb 17, 2016 6:14 pm

Bless you. Say 5 Hail Mary's and all's forgiven. Carry on.
Nasty Bitch bent over the kitchen sink!
I could see that, if not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled.

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Re: Should I go back or not?

#12 Post by Capetonian » Wed Feb 17, 2016 6:17 pm

My words may have seemed unnecessarily harsh but I've seen how some Thai girls behave towards foreign men, simply treating them as walking wallets, and having several 'love you long time' lovers on the go simultaneously, all of them sending money. I'm sure Mrs. Slasher was not doing that, but it's a trend amongst Thai women. I have five or six friends who have been foolish enough to allow their lives, self-esteem, and finances to be wrecked by Thai girls. You may say they were stupid, and I would agree, but the little man usually overrules the brain in such circumstances.

I have spent several few weeks working in BKK on three separate occasions, mixing with the ex-pat community and finding very little to like, apart from the food. I was not fleeced by a Thai woman (or lady boy!) but I was there for long enough to garner a very poor impression of how they behave, and then even worse when they get to the UK and have that piece of paper in their clutches. I actually got quite sick of them around me, those flat noses and whining voices and accents which I found irritating. Apart from anything else, I'm probably too tight-fisted and cynical to fall for it, and luckily, I don't find them in the least bit attractive. Pretty, yes, attractive, no.

Most of the European men I met there had had bad experiences, dick ruling head as you might say.

I really can understand why Slash wants to get back with her, more so if there's a child involved. I'm just surmising it might not be right, but as others have suggested, not giving it a try might be something he/they will regret for ever.

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Re: Should I go back or not?

#13 Post by Flame Lily FX » Wed Feb 17, 2016 6:26 pm

Plenty of old, ugly Pommie men in Pattaya to verify that. Errr, not that I am ever suggesting that they've had their way at the back of the pub with his Mrs......

Old Fool Syndrome is the medical diagnosis.
Nasty Bitch bent over the kitchen sink!
I could see that, if not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled.

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Re: Should I go back or not?

#14 Post by rgbrock1 » Wed Feb 17, 2016 6:27 pm

Flame Lily FX wrote:Bless you. Say 5 Hail Mary's and all's forgiven. Carry on.


I didn't say that though. None of us are without doing wrong, that's a given.
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Re: Should I go back or not?

#15 Post by Flame Lily FX » Wed Feb 17, 2016 6:30 pm

Everything's a given obviously. Some giving more.....ahem......than expected...! Dear God!

3 words spring to my mind.

Hot Toxic Mess

You want my advice? I'm a no-nonsense, straight-talking-woman not given for sugar-coated ***** and Old Fool Syndrome. :O3
Nasty Bitch bent over the kitchen sink!
I could see that, if not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled.

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Re: Should I go back or not?

#16 Post by rgbrock1 » Wed Feb 17, 2016 6:53 pm

Flame Lily FX wrote:I'm a no-nonsense, straight-talking-woman not given to sugar-coated ***** and Old Fool Syndrome. :O3


I never would have thought you are like that, Flame Lily. Nah, not at all. :D :D
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Re: Should I go back or not?

#17 Post by Flame Lily FX » Wed Feb 17, 2016 7:02 pm

I always say it as it is. I am an acquired taste for sure. :O3 Take it or leave it, Slasher. :O3 I've given my advice so let me sum it up for you. :O3

Image
Nasty Bitch bent over the kitchen sink!
I could see that, if not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled.

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Re: Should I go back or not?

#18 Post by Capetonian » Wed Feb 17, 2016 7:20 pm

Plenty of old, ugly Pommie men in Pattaya to verify that

Not just Poms. Swiss, Germans, USAmericans, South Africans (sies!), Aussies .........

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Re: Should I go back or not?

#19 Post by Woody » Wed Feb 17, 2016 7:27 pm

Afraid I'm with Capetonian on this one, several colleagues lost all their money and at least one suspicious death in the" 009 club" at work, definitely not worth the risk Slasher.
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Re: Should I go back or not?

#20 Post by Slasher » Wed Feb 17, 2016 8:48 pm

Thanks for all the replies. I'll mull over 'em and make up my mind but I'm flat out like a lizard drinking at the moment.

I might give a little brief history here....

The one I loved (i.e. the one I was meant to be with, period) was a Kiwi 7 years my elder. She shat on my heart, we parted for some years, we suddenly got back and things were absolutely happy as Larry, and suddenly she died not long after of a quick voracious nasty cancer. I was by her bedside at the time. So as Forrest G once said...I might not be a smart man but I do know what love is.

I'm fully aware you don't love another woman quite the same way again, so I don't love the Ex the same as I did with the first. Mrs E-A...yes there is a lust component, but only about 50% was that, and the other 50% lovemaking.

Trouble is if I go back I don't want a relationship like Bob Deniro and Sharon Stone in Casino where she has to wear a beeper and me ringing around to confirm where she's been. That'd be silly.

Sorry that this post is just a quick nod of appreciation but I'm flat out with work so again I'll chew the cud and let you all know. Thanks again all your advice thus far and will get back to you all soon.

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