Should I go back or not?

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A Lutra Continua
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Re: Should I go back or not?

#61 Post by A Lutra Continua » Fri Feb 26, 2016 2:11 pm

Yup. Like buffalos wearing lipstick.

Just that the buffalos smell better...

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Re: Should I go back or not?

#62 Post by OFSO » Fri Feb 26, 2016 4:15 pm

Read it all, can only say, Slash ol' mate, go back to her. True Love is like belief in God: it does not need a rational explanation or substantiation by 'facts'.

Are we all old enough here to have read "On the Road" by Jack Kerouac ? Well, I have just bought and read "Off the Road" by Carolyn Cassady, married to Neal Cassady, who was the real-life "Dean Moriarty" in Kerouac's book. She put up with his infidelity with women and men, him 'marrying' other women (some of them extremely young) while married to her, fathering children by other women while she was pregnant, disappearances for weeks on end, two years in San Q., oh yes and drugs gulped down like they were Smarties, and - until the end - always accepted him back in her arms. The only explanation is that she loved him and love is blind. That's the way it is.

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Re: Should I go back or not?

#63 Post by Slasher » Sat Mar 12, 2016 9:07 am

I agree completely with everyone who has posted here - for and against.

Late last night Apsara called me from our once-happy home in Northern
Thailand - in tears she said she wants us back together and promised she
would never EVER screw behind my back again. If I didn't still love her so
damn much I would've hung up the bloody phone.

There was a lot of reminiscing and talking about the old times, esp when
I proposed to her - I'd come home to our apartment after work and she'd
made me a yummy dinner. While relaxing on the couch arm in arm I pulled
out an engagement ring, and told her she was the one I wanted to spend
the rest of my life and grow old with.

She got a bit teary and said she couldn't marry me. All the blah blah blah
but the main point she couldn't picture herself with an airline pilot - being
a wife involved in all that glamoury sh!t. She wanted just a quiet home up
North of her native Thailand, a couple of kids maybe..and that I wasn't in
what she envisioned.

I countered, trying to not cry like a little bloody girl, that we were perfect
for each other. Everyone referred to us as Rod and Apsara, never singlular,
like a couple of regular Ossie and Harriets. We shared in everything - the
happy times, sad times, the dinners, the bill paying, the quiet drives out
of Bangkok holding hands, all that stuff. And yeh without being too soppy
I'd wake up next to her on some mornings, and was in awe I was with HER
and what the luckiest bastard on the planet I was. I thought she'd felt the
same.

Her tears had dried when she said I was the greatest guy she'd ever met,
loved everything about me but no, marriage was out of the question, and
she thought I had better leave now.

I turned around on my way out, feeling like total crap, and asked her to at
least think about it and please don't just throw away something as special
as this. No she said....her mind was made up and please don't call on her
again for a very long time. I could collect my stuff tomorrow when she was
at work and could I leave the apartment key on the fridge.

So I left, and stood outside the hallway wondering what could I do next. But
through the door I could her her muffled sobbing, which grew into very loud
weeping. "Fcuk it!" I thought, and knocked on her door. I thought she would
ignore me but she opened it.

There nearest I can show what happened next is here. I'm not a great fan
of that TV series - but...I dunno...its just exactly what we did at the time
almost to a tee - the double doors of our pad...her hair was done up same...
and damn the bloody scriptwriters - even the music fits!

From then on we knew we were indeed meant for each other. We then got
hitched 2 months later, bought a piece of land and built the perfect home
up North and were as happy as bloody Larry. And christ she's a good mother
to my kid.

Anyway I told her with a lump in my throat I'd think about things and let
her know. Problem is I'm in a good job in the ME and it'd be difficult - in
fact a step backward, getting my old job back much closer to home. I'd
met new friends and females. So I'm still in Phase One like I was when
I started this thread.

I know I have to decide soon, but I can't let my passions nor memories
outmanouver pragmatic reasoning. I know I have to decide by the time
I go see my son in Bangkok for a few days next month.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=24m-V2f9-sY

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Re: Should I go back or not?

#64 Post by Capetonian » Sat Mar 12, 2016 9:36 am

Slash it sounds to me despite everything I said previously that you might have a real gem there (and she too) and you should go back, but there are only two people who really know.
Whatever you do I hope you both end up happy.
One thing you can say for the French, when civilization falls they have less far to fall than everyone else.

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Re: Should I go back or not?

#65 Post by OFSO » Sat Mar 12, 2016 12:06 pm

Go back. Life is too short for recriminations and grudges. Go back, enjoy life with her - and tell those of us who thought you should that we were right.

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Re: Should I go back or not?

#66 Post by Boac » Sat Mar 12, 2016 12:23 pm

....alternatively...............

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Re: Should I go back or not?

#67 Post by Flame Lily FX » Sat Mar 12, 2016 8:42 pm

The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation, and go to the grave with the song still in them?
Nasty Bitch bent over the kitchen sink!
I could see that, if not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled.

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Re: Should I go back or not?

#68 Post by Pinky the pilot » Sun Mar 13, 2016 10:54 am

The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation, and go to the grave with the song still in them?


Oh, and isn't that the bloody truth!!!!! :(( :(( :(( :(( :(( :((
You only live twice. Once when you're born. Once when you've looked death in the face.

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Re: Should I go back or not?

#69 Post by rgbrock1 » Mon Mar 14, 2016 2:30 pm

Slasher.

So what that you're in the sandpit. Just as you got there, ostensibly to get away and start a new life, you can vice-versa it.

Just accept her back into your life and be done with it. Make the move and you'll be happy you did.
Pro Deo et Constitutione — Libertas aut Mors

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Re: Should I go back or not?

#70 Post by Mrs Ex-Ascot » Mon Mar 14, 2016 4:39 pm

Dear Slasher

"If in any doubt do nowt " is a good adage. If you are not sure it is better for your child to keep things as they are.

However, there is no reason why in the long term you and your ex cannot come to some agreement or reconciliation. But you must consider your child above all else. :YMHUG:
RAF 32 Sqn B Flt ; Twin Squirrels.

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Re: Should I go back or not?

#71 Post by OFSO » Mon Mar 14, 2016 7:31 pm

The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation, and go to the grave with the song still in them

Aye, I'd go along with that. My desperation has mostly been replaced by exasperation, but my song hasn't been extinguished and (to mix an analogy) still burns bright within me after 72 years....

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Re: Should I go back or not?

#72 Post by rgbrock1 » Tue Mar 15, 2016 12:23 pm

OFSO wrote:The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation, and go to the grave with the song still in them

Aye, I'd go along with that. My desperation has mostly been replaced by exasperation, but my song hasn't been extinguished and (to mix an analogy) still burns bright within me after 72 years....


Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Not saying you're of old age, OFSO, as 72 is certainly not. But you get the gist. (I hope)
Pro Deo et Constitutione — Libertas aut Mors

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Re: Should I go back or not?

#73 Post by OFSO » Tue Mar 15, 2016 1:50 pm

No, 72 is not old, but if you've any brain cells left ('you', rhetorical, I know that you have !) you remember an awful lot, and the endless folly of the human race starts getting a bit..well... tedious. In my own lifetime there has been a great deal of repetitive stupidity: then one opens a few history books and starts reading and one discovers the follies of one's own lifetime have happened so often that the only useful response is to throw the day's "Times" newspaper on the fire, and pull the bell cord; and when Nanny appears, ask for an extra tot of malt in one's hot milk and ask her to send up the new maid - the one with the pert buttocks - to go and turn one's bed down earlier than usual and wait for the Master to appear in case he should require anything.

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Re: Should I go back or not?

#74 Post by OFSO » Wed Mar 16, 2016 8:38 pm

I read that Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr, when aged in his nineties, and talking with a Judge of similar age, said, as a pretty young girl passed them by:

"Oh, to be seventy again !"

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Re: Should I go back or not?

#75 Post by dubbleyew eight » Sat Apr 09, 2016 11:57 am

the suspense has been killing me ( and sisemen it seems) what was the outcome?

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Re: Should I go back or not?

#76 Post by Flame Lily FX » Sat Apr 09, 2016 5:24 pm

Dude? Have some self-respect!
Nasty Bitch bent over the kitchen sink!
I could see that, if not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled.

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Re: Should I go back or not?

#77 Post by Capetonian » Sun Apr 10, 2016 9:28 am

Interesting piece in the DT a few days ago examining some of the points made earlier in this thread :

Expat wives' biggest fear in south-east Asia? Hubby running off with a bargirl

Thai women working in a bar wait for business at the red light district of Bangkok. Tales of expat husbands running off with bargirls are rife in south-east Asia
As an American friend here in Singapore remarked to me the other day: “There's a certain kind of man who, after years of being ugly, suddenly is not when he comes to Asia. He’s flocked by young women and realises they had him all wrong back at home, it must have been the harsh overhead lights of his office. In this bar in Bangkok, hey, he’s Prince Charming.”
"Horror stories of so-and-so’s hubbie running off with the Filipina maid, or a Vietnamese cutie / Thai bargirl he met on a business trip are rife at expat coffee mornings"

The expat man as a chick magnet? It may be a cliché, but it’s one that worries many expat wives out here. Horror stories of so-and-so’s hubby running off with the Filipina maid, or a Vietnamese cutie / Thai bargirl he met on a business trip are rife at expat coffee mornings.

My friend’s remark was prompted by a story she was relating of a male acquaintance of hers, a high-earning senior executive at an international company. He dumped his wife to marry a woman who had called out to him from a kiosk in Bangkok. Fran said the temptress had diamond studs in her gold-capped front teeth.

I started hearing such stories soon after my arrival as an expat in the flesh pots of the east. Soon, disaster befell one of my neighbours, a British woman married to a hotshot businessman – they had four children.

After he bolted, I saw photos of him in his youth, and he wasn’t bad looking then. But by now he was fat and balding; the brutal truth was he was unattractive, except possibly still to his wife, and not a catch, except financially. He travelled regularly to Thailand. While I was still stumbling over as-yet-unpacked boxes, he came home and announced he was leaving her for a girl who worked in some Bangkok watering hole he’d visited.

I expect you’re thinking: so what? Could happen anywhere. You can’t command love. Four kids? Of course he left! A middle-aged wife and mother can expect to be dumped wherever she lives, and if expat wives are paranoid, that’s their problem.
"The brutal truth was he was unattractive, except possibly still to his wife... he announced he was leaving her for a girl who worked in some Bangkok watering hole he’d visited"

And you’re right. But at least wives in the West can generally assume that if some strumpet nicks their man, then she leaves herself open to social censure. Whereas in poorer parts of Asia the strumpet’s mum is likely to be grateful she’s guaranteed the family an income, at least for the duration, and her friends will hope to emulate her in winning themselves a walking wallet.

Now I expect you’re thinking I’m way too cynical, that I’m vilely painting Asian women as scammers. No, I’m not that horrible. I agree with Warren Olson that gold-digging has its reasons. Warren worked for many years as a private investigator in Thailand. He investigated large-scale, organised love scams of all sorts, often exploiting the internet to extort money from men in the West using Thai dating sites, or targeting sex tourists, whom I’m sure we can all agree deserve exactly what they get.
"It’s about the strong Thai attitude of a girl looking to do the best she can for her family, by marrying up or into wealth"

He told of his experiences in two books, Confessions of a Bangkok Private Eye, and Thai Private Eye. Warren told me Thai girls targeting expat men is not so much about scamming, as about cultural differences. “It’s about the strong Thai attitude of a girl looking to do the best she can for her family, by marrying up or into wealth; i.e. a farang, or foreigner. These girls know they have done wrong by Buddhist teachings - allowing most have worked in the night trade - but they feel they can redeem themselves a little by at least providing for their families through marrying or having a relationship with a British guy.”
thai sex show bar
In poorer parts of Asia, many young women are keen to improve their fortunes by marrying a foreigner Credit: Getty

It should be said that expat wives are not the only ones who worry. Expat men themselves occasionally complain that they’ve in effect been scammed by love entrepreneurs – usually after the relationship has fallen apart.

But a man who wishes to be known only as “Stick”, founder of the Stickman Bangkok website, (stickmanbangkok. com) makes a fair point. His website provides information to expats about life in Thailand, including advice for men contemplating or already involved in relationships with Thai women.

He says: “If a Thai woman asks an expat for money and he gives it to her, is that a scam? That is what happens in so many of these cases. A guy agrees to give money to his girlfriend each week or month or however often. Then when the relationship fails he says he was scammed. Is it a scam if someone asks you for something and you willingly give it?

"Even in those relationships where he supports her well and she sleeps around or looks for a guy who will support her to a greater extent, I am not sure I would use the word scam. I would call it a fair exchange.”
One thing you can say for the French, when civilization falls they have less far to fall than everyone else.

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Re: Should I go back or not?

#78 Post by Slasher » Sun Apr 10, 2016 10:19 am

Expats being done over in Thailand is true, and its rife.
One has to remember the Asian culture is security first,
then sex. These morbidly obese butt ugly bald guys cock
themselves up (scuse the pun) by thinking they are all
somehow attractive to Asian chicks (most notably the
Flipperines and Thais).

Uh-uh. Nope. Its the six 'C's in the following order of
importance -

1. Cash
2. Credit Card
3. Condo
4. Car
5. Citizenship
6. Cock

This is a survival technique borne out of being invaded
and fcuked over by various invading hordes during the
past centuries. China being the primary eminator of this
type of cultural aspect with emphasis on Security. Thus a
fat ugly slob, if he satisfies the first 5 requirements, will
get the 6th consideration from a Thai or Flipper chick for
ensurety of continuance of the first 5.

Anyway I have to decide about Apsara by the finish of the
next 5 days. I'm still undecided at the moment. :-w
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=24m-V2f9-sY

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Re: Should I go back or not?

#79 Post by dubbleyew eight » Sun Apr 10, 2016 11:08 am

believe it or not on the 6 holidays I have had in thailand I have never had sex.

I have a soft spot for these thai girls though because one saved my life.
I misread a traffic signal and stepped off the curb to cross the road.
she ignored politeness and grabbed a handfull of my shirt and hauled me back on the curb asking what the hell I was doing.
one of the orange busses swept past me not 3 inches away a moment later.
if it wasnt for her thai independence I simply wouldnt be here now.

they're not all bad. they are just trying to do the best they can.

(I dont think I will ever understand thai names but apsara is a lovely name)

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Re: Should I go back or not?

#80 Post by Slasher » Sun Apr 10, 2016 10:25 pm

Yeh nice name and a total knockout W8.

This is Apsara taken in 2010 out the side of our (then) new place
just before she got pregnant. Her natural boobs got bigger after
she had our kid...and they're still big.

Image
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=24m-V2f9-sY

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