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Dear Agony Aunt,
a friend of mine has a problem she's too embarrassed to discuss even with most good friends. She seems to have been extra naive all through her life and never able to tell when men make passes at her. She says she's never thought she'd fit into the common perception of 'beautiful' or 'sexy', therefore never (well, mostly - sometimes it is obvious) assumed men were after anything feminine. And still somehow it turns out they have been, which has been quite embarrassing as well. Even at her present age of 50+ (quote: who nobody wants anyway, unquote: Slasher - my remark).
So, her question is: is she just stupid, or what? One wouldn't walk around assuming everyone's after her, would she, and still, when she isn't (assuming), someone is. Making passes.
What should she do?

Your friend might like to consider joining a social club, a motorcycle enthusiasts club for example, also she might be advised to discover the social benefits of drinking strong cider, she would then find that things progressed naturally and ambiguous subtleties would be a thing of the past.

Probes

Is she a fun person, laughs a lot at things and
is she a touchy feely person.

If she is both and she thinks someone may be interested in her,
she can use the first to do a small touchy feely to gauge reaction.
And as om15 correctly said, things would progress naturally and
ambiguous subtleties would be a thing of the past.

I advised a friend who was exactly the same about 7 years ago
and that is exactly what happened.

BTW, Just as many 50+ males looking as 50+ females and
everyone's likes are different.

Hope that helps.

The issue nowadays is blokes making a pass, quite happy to pass on if rejected, but suddenly being accused of sexual harassment or worse.

So passes don't get made so much nowadays!

Mea culpa, mea maxima culpa... Far too late in life, poor old OFSO realised he had not understood passes (not to mention invitations to participating in a multi-coloured timber-shivering flying f*ck) were being made by ladies to him. When I think.....!

However, I then adopted the philosophy that I would simply ask " does your smile imply you would like to have it off with me" or in pukka, "may I, dear madame, in a prehensile matter familiarise my fingers with the concave peculiarities of your buttocks ?"

The response has been "no you certainly may not, you dirty old man, and next time, speak English".

I have also asked with a tentative smile "was I supposed to make a pass at you on our walk in the woods together ?" to which the response was usually "no, and you may micturate off". I also enquired of one utterly delightful lady staying at my house, whether my clambering into her bed at the witching hour would be met with glee and approbation, and was told no. She did, however leave open her bedroom door...... which doubtless means I STILL haven't got the hang of things.

Too late now, i fear. No hope for poor old OFSO.

So dear Probes, send your friend down to me. We can make passes at each other and both, simultaneously, misunderstand what each other is implying, and both go home unsatisfied, embracing Status Quo.

(And I bet Parfitt and Rossi never had this problem).

Sisemen wrote:The issue nowadays is blokes making a pass, quite happy to pass on if rejected, but suddenly being accused of sexual harassment or worse.
So passes don't get made so much nowadays!

Yes, well, the way some men make passes (at least in Oz), it would be classed as Sexual harassment.
Sorry, that's the way some are.

probes

Has your friend thought of joining a dating web site ?

She will be inundated with offers of "chatting" or "meet me's".

That's what I get told by 40 - 60 year old ladies who are on them and if the number of chat requests
or meet me's they send an ugly bloke like me is any indication, she will have heaps !

If she has big tits send her to me.

Stu

stuart wrote:If she has big tits send her to me.

Probes

Tell your friend, "that's a pass"

Dear Uncles,
I'm afraid you've misunderstood the problem (except OFSO and I wish she were in Spain). The problem is NOT that she wants to date someone - quite the contrary, she's in a partnership and a sociable person not feeling lonely at all. The embarrassing thing is that she's been made passes at [is that an acceptable construction socially and grammatically?] and she doesn't notice and that's been interpreted as encouragement.
Which is embarrassing.


(P.S see, Stuart? What's your part of the deal, btw? )

Tell her to stop cupping the guy’s crotch when she’s spoken to and then the misinterpretation can be reduced.

Tell her to stop cupping the guy’s crotch

Alas, when placing a lady's hand on MY crotch these days she usually says "no thanks, I don't smoke."

If a guy does this to your friend Probes - she can assume he's somewhat making a pass.

Dear Probes.
your ,"friend", shall we say, isn't stupid.
it is just that the "friend" doesn't have an overtly obvious sexual drive.
now of course the question is does your friend want the romance?
if not well there is no need to change and no need to ever bother being aware of advances.
if your, shall we say, "friend", does want the romance in her life then learning to say yes may be the key.
of course should your friend read the thread started by slasher the obvious downside of saying yes may become apparent.
it does pay to be very secretive and discrete in these matters.
so if your friend is happy with her life then steam on oblivious.
if your friend is unhappy in life then quietly do something about it or stop complaining.
love and kisses
your dear friend across the waves, Aunt Agony.

http://www.pprune.org/jet-blast/508043- ... penis.html

I was looking for Mr Reg Fletcher....I never did sca it in...Reg Fletcher the eye patch wearing wearing guy who used to frequent the old Penthouse Nightclub in Surfers Paradise....he had an inflatable penis operated by hand pump in testicles... Dunno if the eye patch and genitalia injury were from the same incident....anyway I know of him, never knew him....fairly sure he's dead now...

Dear Aunts and Uncles,
thank you for the responses - we went through them and concluded it's safer to assume passes are made and be a little cautious. It's not that she hates romance, but how many guys can one date, after all? .
sincerely,
both of us

probes wrote: but how many guys can one date, after all? .

Well......I’ve been to parties where the ratio can be quite big

(for “guys” read “people”)

I’ve been to parties where the ratio can be quite big

Just curious, but are these 'parties' held in houses/apartments, or are they the ones held in that big carpark on the M1 behind the filling station at Watford Gap ?