Ops-Normal.org

My turn to expose, as it were, an embarrassing problem. I never know, and never have known, at what pressure my pee is going to emerge. Usually, about 95% of the time, it lands in the bowl where it should. But occasionally it's a mere dribble and more often, a Niagra-like thrusting stream. In both the last two cases, now and then - perhaps two or three times a year, I get a fall short or overshoot, which involves me cleaning up. I have consulted professional sources, such as the one shown below, which were fun but not much help. Possibly I misunderstand the term "pipper placement".

Seem to recall a thread a while back - maybe here, maybe on TOP about whether us men should sit down to wee. I'm constantly amazed just how much splatter there is even with a normal well aimed shot that appears perfect. Splatter revealed on closer examination later. Sitting down may solve the problem.

CremeEgg wrote: ↑

Thu Jul 18, 2019 4:53 pm

Sitting down may solve the problem.

Indeed, especially if the outlet orifice was under the surface of the water.

When seated, men frequently have a dip in the relatively long urethral tube, compared with women who have a short bit of pipework. This can result in incomplete emptying of the system when seated compared with
micturating when standing. The infamous rising-to-one's-feet dribble syndrome. Not to be confused with latchkey incontinence syndrome.

From a while ago....

It's rare for us guys to ever hit what we’re aiming for. Sometimes I go into the washroom, start to pee, and then just start spinning around; just so I'll make sure I hit something. You see, something the ladies should understand by now is that men's penises have a mind of their own. A guy can go into a bathroom stall because all the urinals are being used, take perfect aim at the toilet, and his penis will still manage to piss all over the roll of toilet paper, down his left pant leg, and onto his shoe. I'm telling ya those little buggers can't be trusted. After all these years, I have now resigned myself to this: I no longer pee like a man - standing up. I now sit down and pee. I have been convinced that this is a small price to pay. Otherwise if one more woman goes to the toilet one more time at night and either sat on a pee soaked toilet seat, or fell right into the toilet because I forgot to put the seat down, she is going to kill me in my sleep.

Now another thing us guys don't usually like to talk about, I might as well be candid with you because it's a real problem, and you ladies need to be understanding. It's the dreaded "Morning wood". Most mornings us guys wake up with two things. A tremendous desire to pee, and a penis so hard you could cut diamonds with it. Well, no matter how hard you try, you can't get that thing to bend, and if it don't bend you can't aim, well hell, if you can't aim you have no choice but to piss all over the wallpaper and that damn fuzzy toilet seat cover you women insist on putting on the toilet.
And by the way, when you use those damn fuzzy toilet seat covers, the friggin' toilet seat won't stay up by itself. So that means we have to use one hand to hold up the toilet seat and the other hand to try to control ourselves for that perfect aim.

Now sometimes, when you're newly married, (and I know you will back me up on this) you think you can get the toilet seat with that damn fuzzy thing to stay up. You jam it back and compress that fuzzy thing until the seat stays there. OK, so you start to pee, but then that compressed fuzzy starts to decompress and without warning that damn toilet seat comes flying down and tries to whack off your weenie.
So us guys will not lift a toilet seat with a fuzzy, it's just not safe. I tried to delicately explain this morning situation once, to a woman. I told her...”look, it won't bend”. She said, "Sit down like we told you to do all the rest of the time." OK. I tried sitting down on the toilet with “morning wood". Well it's is very hard to get it bent under the toilet seat, and before I could manage it, I had pissed all over the bath towels hanging on the wall across the room. Now, even if you are sitting down and you can get it forced down under the toilet seat, when you start to pee the pee shoots out from the crack between the bottom of the toilet seat and the top of the bowl. You piss all over the back of your knees and it runs down the back of our legs on to that damn matching fuzzy horseshoe rug you keep putting on the floor in front of the toilet. I have found the only effective maneuver to deal with this morning urinary dilemma is to assume the flying superman position lying over the toilet seat. This takes a great deal of practice, perfect balance, and split time precision but it's the only sure way to get all the pee in the bowl during the first morning pee.
So you ladies have to understand that we men are not totally to blame. We are sensitive to your concerns about hygiene and bathroom cleanliness, but there are times when things just get beyond our control. It's not our fault, it's just Mother Nature. Now, if it was Father Nature, there wouldn't have been a problem!!!

You can blame physics for part of it - a stream of liquid will naturally diverge into a stream of droplets. Also, on impact you get backscatter, and just like when you get rogue waves at sea, you can get the occasional droplet with way more energy than average that is capable of leaping out and hitting something else.

To cope with the unpredictable starting pressure, just take a firm grip so that everything is fully pressurised and all sphincters are fully relaxed and open, then loosen your grip.

I've always been well-behaved and put the seat back down when I've finished though. This is partly because once I knocked something in the bathroom and it fell into the open toilet. Also, anyone with dogs large enough to reach will know that they consider it drinking water if they can get at it.

Relaxed and open sphinxter like this, you mean ?

OFSO, you have the wrong weapons picture.
Firstly, your release is pressure powered, not simply a gravity release like a bomb. Secondly, there is a large variability in the initial, and the final, sections of the release event. Strafe with an undermounted cannon, with old ammunition of variable charge effectiveness, is a closer analogy. BOAC will doubtless leap in with his expertise at some point, but until then, here's my best advice.
To continue the strafe analogy, your best techniques involve firstly being as close to the target as possible (GICASI), and ensuring you are pointing as close as possible to the centre of the target, at an angle as close to right angles as possible. The right angles bit can be helped by placing one's hand on the wall behind the loo and leaning forward, and this also helps with a woody problem.
The bowl is fortunately elongated in the direction of highest variability, however the correct aiming point is not in the centre of the water surface as it may at first appear, but only about a third of the way across it (your target may vary )
You will need to be ready to adjust the aiming point rapidly at the beginning and the end of the release.
I concur with Llondel's points about the stream.
The fuzzy cover problem may be reduced by adjusting the seat retaining bolts - the hinge plate often has an eccentric bolt position designed to allow some fore-aft movement of the seat. Do check when moving it forward (relative to a sitter, i.e. away from the cistern) that the mounting points under the front of the seat are still securely on the bowl rim. You may now find that the seat will remain upright without needing to be held.

No fuzzy covers in my house. Seat stays firmly erect. No fuzzy covers in wife's house either, but feminist poltergeist seat does tend to fall on penis.

OFSO wrote: ↑

Thu Jul 18, 2019 7:08 pm

No fuzzy covers in my house. Seat stays firmly erect. No fuzzy covers in wife's house either, but feminist poltergeist seat does tend to fall on penis.

I have a bidet with a remote control inn the house....lets just say it can be fun when we have unsuspecting guests over

OFSO wrote: ↑

Thu Jul 18, 2019 5:11 pm

latchkey incontinence syndrome.

So, there is a scientific name for it . . .

What I could never work out is that when lined up perfectly the stream takes on a mind of its own a exits at anything up to 90 degrees out of line.

I always straddle the bowl and manually point percy 85* down to the dunny water a la Ju-87. This will take care of any unforeseen pressure surprises.

Once pressure is established I take a step back and continue to stream until the onset of pressure decrease, whereat I move a tad closer to ensure the final tiddly drops end up in the ablution and not in my undies or down my leg.

This works fine so long as percy's lips aren't in a twist which can result in the initial streaming action up to being 90* horizontal (or worse 2 separate streams) from intended direction. This I think is what Sise above was referring to.

G-CPTN wrote: ↑

Thu Jul 18, 2019 9:27 pm

OFSO wrote: ↑

Thu Jul 18, 2019 5:11 pm

latchkey incontinence syndrome.

So, there is a scientific name for it . . .

It's called Slasheritis Suddenbustinforapeeus.

https://www.incontinence.co.uk/are-you- ... continence

BTW shouldn't this technically be in the medical forum?

........seat does tend to fall on penis.

Boasting again ?

Well, there's not exactly a medical cure for it, is there ?

OFSO wrote: ↑

Thu Jul 18, 2019 5:11 pm

When seated, men frequently have a dip in the relatively long urethral tube, compared with women who have a short bit of pipework. This can result in incomplete emptying of the system when seated compared with
micturating when standing. The infamous rising-to-one's-feet dribble syndrome. Not to be confused with latchkey incontinence syndrome.

Spot on.

Be a man
Stand a spray

Remember,
However much you shake your peg
The last few drops run down you leg

The last time I did any maths that involved Time of Bomb Fall was on my Gee-H course, in 1954.

Only 65 years ago.

I was still a Boy Entrant, having passed out while still under age to be an 'airman'. The O.C. ARSF at Lindholme thought that it would be a good use of the time when I couldn't sign for anything.

Because of this course, I was probably the last Boy to be at Yatesbury!

ExSp33db1rd wrote: ↑

Fri Jul 19, 2019 5:25 am

........seat does tend to fall on penis.

Boasting again ?

It's not boasting ExSp33d. It's quite a normal problem. Why...you got a little wee one or somethhin' mate?

While we use the bomb run analogy, we should consider the HIA or Hazard Impact Area. This assumes the spill and splatter departs the initial impact point at undiminished speed and any random direction. Bounce can be higher than the surrounding containment vessel.

Indeed at one ceramic wall and trough urinal the PMC of the Mess was so fed up with peeing on his spit and polished toe caps that he had a glass do it guard installed.