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In TRABB a couple of days ago I mentioned I sat next to a 70yo fellow pilot retiree while I was flying to HKG who threw in the airline game at 54. He’s 70.

After long chats the booze took effect and we inevitably moved from theoreticals to filthy dirty jokes to deep ‘n meaningfuls. We touched on Regret.

The only real one I have is the woman I was meant to be with who literally died in my arms from pancreatic cancer many years ago. I’ve posted about that somewhere else on the forum so no need to go into details.

He firmly believes that regret should be discarded and forgotten as there’s nothing one can do about it, as long as the lessons have been learned. I agreed with the last part - but countered that carrying regret builds character...and that character ultimately is, in essence, Destiny.

We agreed to disagree on that and made a lateral move to major financial mistakes we’ve made. Man did he make some bloody big ones!

I know this is all Existential stuff but what do other members think? Is Regret a precious asset or something to get rid of?

Regrets are there to be mused over during occasional periods of deep introspection when wondering what might have been, but not to be dwelled upon.

Cue for :



That was inevitable.

Oddly enough I am just mulling over the consequences of a couple of bad financial decisions I've made in the last few years and looking at ways of getting on with salvaging what I can. I see little point in carrying around the regret although I am, coincidentally, in the process of writing to the person who partly influenced one of the decisions.

...to be mused over during occasional periods of deep introspection...
yep, only if it happened when one wants to, and not when one does not want to.
I don't think anything can be totally forgotten. Maybe just some minor things pushed in the background as minor ones.

The exception being finances that come and go (mostly go, though ) - money is replaceable. Theoretically, at least.

Generally - no. If the regret process can lead to a rectification of the situation - maybe. It's the same with worry and (catholic?) guilt. If worry leads to some positive action - maybe. Guilt (of whatever denomination) is a useless emotion - park it, or take positive action to rectify the cause of the guilt. So says a lapsed Free Presbyterian.

The Ancient Mariner

"Is Regret a precious asset or something to get rid of?"

I would say neither, for some things that have occurred regret is just a fact of life , it is there in the background and one will always be reminded of the event, action or occurrence that is regretted.
In my case it is never becoming a pilot as a career thanks to a zealous Wing Commander medicine man at RAF Biggin Hill. My fall back position as an engineer has been pretty good to me but that feeling of regret that I could not fly for a career will always be lurking in the background and I will take it to the grave with me.
Maybe in the next life things will work out differently.......

I regret not having wealthy parents and a good education.

But you have to get over it, and play the hand you are dealt.

I regret that the dream I had last night (very vivid, very real) wasn't reality.

Fine bit of acting, that.

I've done things I regret, mostly offenses against my own code and I still wince when I think about them.I doubt if any of the people involved remember, in fact they probably don't even remember me. Their value is that they are there as a reminder not to make the same bloody stupid mistake again.


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boing wrote: ↑

Mon Oct 21, 2019 12:48 pm

I've done things I regret, mostly offenses against my own code and I still wince when I think about them.I doubt if any of the people involved remember, in fact they probably don't even remember me. Their value is that they are there as a reminder not to make the same bloody stupid mistake again.

Precisely. If we don't regret anything then we are either perfect, which is unlikely, or we haven't learned a thing!

Every time I see this thread old Blue Eyes comes to mind...



Some regrets should stay with us to our graves but others, where there is any chance of atoning for a wrong done, should be addressed in a suitable manner.

The only major regret I have is the woman I lost as explained in my opening post. The other one was picking a fight with a quiet placid kid (who had essentially done me no harm) during first year in high school.

I recall punching him in the eye and the squish sound as my fist contacted his eyeball. He was in hospital for 2 days and walked around the school with an eye patch for weeks after.

It was when he returned to school that I suddenly realised I’d been an absolute total cnut for beating the sh!t out of him and for what - frigging peer group pressure. From then on I never again broke the code - and defended kids who couldn’t defend themselves. It put me on the outer with the “in kids” but I thought...fcuk ‘em. Yes kids that age are cruel, but inwardly I felt I’d been a real prick.

I tracked him down early last year and called him. I apologised profusely and said I was so bloody sorry for what I did to him 45 years earlier. He accepted my apology and said it didn’t affect his eyesight in later years (which I feared).

He never married as he resolved to spend his life tending his mother who was diagnosed 38 years ago with Autism. I immed told him to take leave from work and sent him FC tickets for him and his mum with QF to BKK - which he accepted. Joey was older of course when we met at SVB, but still the quiet placid kid I knew from all those years ago. I won’t go into details but it was quite emotional for me.

He never married as he resolved to spend his life tending his mother who was diagnosed 38 years ago with Autism. I immed told him to take leave from work and sent him FC tickets for him and his mum with QF to BKK - which he accepted. Joey was older of course when we met at SVB, but still the quiet placid kid I knew from all those years ago. I won’t go into details but it was quite emotional for me.

You "done good" in trying to atone for your childish act of violence. The fact that you still so clearly feel genuine remorse speaks of a man who grew up with a good heart.

i regret not having killed the frog bitch 20 years ago on Amorgos who has subsequently built a huge complex in front of us. I regret not having married Mrs Ex-Ascot when I was 21 instead of my first wife. However there may have been a small problem there as she was only 11 at the time

My regrets are tempered by the fact that many of them are due to things I probably needed to screw up to learn properly. I guess the ones that hurt others are the hardest ones.

Plenty of regrets but pondering on them does not really help much.

One regret, as a very young man my girlfriend of the time persuaded me to drive her to see her spinster great aunt who lived alone in a rather imposing stone homestead on a large Southland NZ farm. The old lady had all her marbles and photos of her late fiance in his WWI uniform on the mantlepiece. I was so thick I didnt realise I was there to be interviewed to take on the life of a farmer!

Why didn't I go for this: https://www.hw.ac.uk/study/uk/undergrad ... illing.htm instead of Physics at The City University. I could build a nuclear bomb but what use is that? They would not even allow us to use one on bonfire night.

...the frog bitch 20 years ago on Amorgos who has subsequently built a huge complex in front of us.

Well you could’ve let off a low yield nuke right over her head sah and stopped the bitch in her tracks.

Slasher wrote: ↑

Thu Nov 28, 2019 12:52 pm

...the frog bitch 20 years ago on Amorgos who has subsequently built a huge complex in front of us.

Well you could’ve let off a low yield nuke right over her head sah and stopped the bitch in her tracks.

Capt. I know exactly where I would have stuffed it but she may have enjoyed it. Biggest bang she had ever had. She is so ugly. Midwife didn't smack her backside when she was born she hit her in the face with a shovel.