Innovations in American Politics

[Chuks]

The Supreme Court of the USA has just acted with unprecedented speed to restore order to a troubled and discredited electoral process, one plagued by irregularities and allegations that it has been "rigged."

In an overnight decision, all nine justices (one voted during a séance by use of a Ouija board) came down in favor of an offer by Vice-President Joe "Punchy" Biden to take on Donald "The Donald" Trump "behind the barn," an offer that was immediately accepted by the Donald, with the winner to be declared President.

Two issues remain to be settled:

The exact location of "the barn" is unclear.

Too, it now seems that the Donald actually meant not quite what he had said about tackling Punchy Biden personally. He now claims actually to have meant that one of his many followers, probably either Mike Tyson or else Hulk Hogan, should be acting on his behalf in this unprecedented contest, since he himself suffers from bone spurs, a medically disqualifying condition. Punchy retorted that if that is so then he would nominate Ronda Rousey as his "vagino-paladin."

Don King is reported to have already begun to sell tickets for this contest, with demand running very high on both sides.

[More Aviation]

Too, it now seems that the Donald actually meant not quite what he had said about tackling Punchy Biden personally.

My money is on Trump "the cowardly custard head" handing the bare knuckle brief to Melania, although his ex squeeze, Ivana (aka the Pulper), would do a better job in showing Je "Punchy" Biden his mangy arse...

I like the "justices' wisdom" in choosing a barn as the venue for this grudge match given its connotations of agrarian populism with just a hat tip to Grant Wood's American Gothic. One would hope that the barn is in Ohio and that chicklitts gum will be handed out free to the hay seeds (and the occasional visiting alien), but not to Mexican aliens, who would digest this bucolic fare.

Perhaps the British will adopt a similar political process, we invariably do after claiming we invented it and making disparaging comments about how Americans spell chicklitts and how much better our yokels are than theirs. I put money on Thesesa "the Cipher" May against Jeremy "Vacuum" Corbyn on any fight day!

MA

[obgraham]

Actually that method of deciding the elections would probably be better than the current one.

[IJ Reilly]

And it's not really an innovation. There's a long history of fisticuffs in US politics, and sometimes more as the Burr-Hamilton duel tragically showed.

My favorite was the fight on the floor of the Congress in 1858, when "Bowie Knife" Potter and Cadwallader Washburn pulled the hairpiece off the shiny head of William Barksdale. Maybe we could arrange for the same to be done to the mop on The Donald's head?