After 20 months stranded out of the UK due to Covid travel restrictions, finally found a way to untangle the red tape and grab a flight back to LHR. The requirements were much less onerous than last month. If already fully vaccinated, you are entitled to a pseudo-quarantine at home, provided you sign up in advance for a Day 2 and Day 5 test. Nope, can't use the NHS mechanism, these have to be prepaid from a limited list of vendors.
Why? Well you need a receipt number to fill in on your
Passenger
Locator
Form - well at least that's online at the .gov site and a reasonable task once you adjust to the 'one fact per page' style. You now receive a confirmation with a giant QR code that is ready to be scanned on entry. This glittering prize wasn't won easy. The build up was getting vaccinated in a 3rd world country (and finding a way to prove that) + getting a negative PCR test at a recognised lab with the sample taken less than 48hrs before boarding (tricky since the typical PCR turnaround is 3 days).
You set off on your journey courtesy of SIA who do a fabulous job of adjusting their service to minimise the chance of cross infection.
After the first leg, you get shunted into an airside holding pen at Changi and thence on to the long haul 14 hr leg to LHR. The slick organisation continues throughout that flight within even a controlled disembarkation to aid social distancing on the way out.
Now all change. T3 is a seething mass of "multinationals" surging hopefully to baggage claim. Sadly, there are some nominal issues about entering the country that requires interaction with Border Farce. To be fair, the crowd control boys have set up an impressive rat maze that covers seemingly half an acre. Curiously they seem ill-informed about Brexit - you get partitioned into "UK+EU" or "Other". The space is already overwhelmed - distancing is impossible as the beaters encourage more and more to enter the maze. Mask wearing is sporadic at best with the commonest styles as Chin Warmer and Nose Exposed.
There
is the method in the partitioning - the EU/UK mob is inching towards to the magic automated gates. Several are actually turned on - success rate is around 50%. The unlucky (including me) get extracted and stuck into another maze for manual intervention.
This is served slowly by
two active booths. After a while another uniformed BF representative in a resplendent turban appears, raising one's hopes that with far sighted scheduling, realisation has dawned that all early mornings are a busy time. Alas, it is not to be - he is just swapping seats; the service count remains at two. You cheer yourself with the thought that the "Others" without the benefit of any autoscan are serviced also by two active booths. Their maze covers a larger acreage and is distinctly humming with some mystery blend of oriental scents.
You edge forward, now 90 mins of immersion in the cross-infection miasma. Never mind, they all must have their PLF since that's the rules right? So there will be a secondary check of this right? That flushed granny with the hacking cough attended by a burka-clad daughter or the two snotty-nosed kids playing tag are perfectly safe right?
Well, actually no. Due to staffing health and safety concerns there is
NO PLF checking. None. Nada. Zilch. Oh, there
is a polite notice, in english only, that states random checks on PLF status "
may be performed
periodically". Well with the accuracy of a single, now 2 hour observation it appears that the periodicity approaches that of Haley's comet.
What is going on? Is this just incompetence or a deliberate policy to maximise risk? All the struggle of those months of restrictions is blown away by Border Farce not doing a half way decent job. I'm glad of their confidence - none of their staff can be arsed to wear a mask.
Mea culpa - I am clearly out of touch. Covid is conquered.