Royal Bank of Wankers

[Cacophonix]

Win double the Government and a bunch of bankers

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-44366731

The government and the bankers want us, the tax payers, to bend over again AND pay for the vaseline!

Caco

[Ex-Ascot]

Got my new debit card today given to me in the pub by the postmistress. Just hope she gets 'er indoors one before we leave Greece. Obviously she will not walk to our house only the main three villages. Years ago the postman used to come from the other end of the island by horse. Going back he would strip off stark naked and dive into the sea.

[OFSO]

AND pay for the vaseline!

We dreamed of having vaseline when I were a kid......

[Alisoncc]

We dreamed of having vaseline when I were a kid......

A rich girl uses vaseline, a poor girl uses lard, but Dinah uses axle grease because her .... so large.

[Woody]

Looks like Clydesdale and Yorkshire are going to rebranded by the bearded one

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-44517752

[Ex-Ascot]

Mrs Ex-Ascot got her new debit card here within a week of me contacting our bank manager. He is really nervous about me. Can't think why.

[Cacophonix]

Mrs Ex-Ascot got her new debit card here within a week of me contacting our bank manager. He is really nervous about me. Can't think why.

Ware lest that when your card is next renewed and arrives all plastic and shiny it doesn't have the name Mr Leader Squadron embossed in gold letters on it!

Caco

[Ex-Ascot]

You joke Caco but we have big probs with the old double barreled name. It is correct on the card but many on line sites will not accept a hyphen in your name so it does not match the card and payment is refused. We have to phone a RBS visa card fraud department and they clear the payment. Helpful folk actually.

[Slasher]

we have big probs with the old double barreled name.

Sqn Ldr sah - for CC purposes I thought double barrels were simply joined together e.g. If one is Cedric K Fotheringham-Jones then all one does is bung "Fotheringhamjones" on one's card. Doesn't that work?

The only problem I see is if the bank uses EXACTLY the name on one's passport or birth cert, but I've seen cards with this example.

[Cacophonix]

You joke Caco but we have big probs with the old double barreled name. It is correct on the card but many on line sites will not accept a hyphen in your name so it does not match the card and payment is refused. We have to phone a RBS visa card fraud department and they clear the payment. Helpful folk actually.

That is an absolute pain in the behind Ex-Ascot and is sympomatic of bad programming practice because it is not unreasonable to expect hyphens in surnames.

My better half was christened Christina but her passport and banking details all show the derivation of that Christian name and the problems have been legion in banks and at borders in the past. What's in a name they ask? Well quite a bit as your example and Ms Cacophonix's demonstrate.


Caco

[ian16th]

You joke Caco but we have big probs with the old double barreled name. It is correct on the card but many on line sites will not accept a hyphen in your name so it does not match the card and payment is refused. We have to phone a RBS visa card fraud department and they clear the payment. Helpful folk actually.

Ex A,
I've just been chatting to my 'relationship manager', with Barclays in London, he has a hyphenated surname and being in the business should be aware of how to handle all of the related problems.

Would you like to forward any specific questions, I could ask on your behalf?

[Ex-Ascot]

Thanks Ian but the bank is not a problem it is on line sites and payment authorisation. In fact when we fly our airline tickets have the name all together missing out the hyphen which doesn't match our passports but never had a problem. Strictly speaking our name is quadruple-barreled but we shove it together for simplicity.

Capt I suppose we could ask the bank to miss out the hyphen on our cards but pound to a pinch of ***** we have to go into our local branch in the UK to organise it then it wouldn't match our proper name.

[Pontius Navigator]

Or it could just be a 1 in 9999 chance?

I am pretty sure it won't be 1:9999. I think we can ignore all 1111, 2222 etc. We can probably eliminate all 3 number sets: 111x x1111 etc. Then double pairs may also be programmed out viz 1010, 1212 etc

[Sisemen]

Ah, so that's who you are

In the flesh sah! Present and correct.

[Pontius Navigator]

Our hamlet name runs to 28 letters, the bank's address template goes to 22.

At work our management computer name picture file insisted on capitalising the first letter of each part of one's name. I contacted Admin and pointed out that some names were lower case - ffoulks would be cheeses off if they insisted on capitalising his nane. fforde too.

[Capetonian]

Although it's PayPal, which is not strictly a bank, I thought this worthy of posting in the bank of wankers thread :

Dear Mrs Lindsay Durdle,

This is a default notice served under section 87 (1) of the Consumer Credit Act 1974. Your account has an outstanding balance of £3,240.72. You are in breach of condition 15.4(c) of your agreement with PayPal Credit as we have received notice that you are deceased. This breach is not capable of remedy.

PayPal was informed of Mrs Durdle’s death three weeks ago, receiving copies of her death certificate, her will and Mr Durdle’s ID, he said. But PayPal’s systems seemingly sent out a letter despite having all the requested information. The company said either a bug, a bad letter template or human error was to blame for the fault and told Mr Durdle that it is looking at his case as a ‘priority’.

[Boac]

"You are in breach of condition 15.4(c) of your agreement with PayPal Credit as we have received notice that you are deceased. This breach is not capable of remedy."

At least they got that right.

[Capetonian]

Had a minor query with my bank yesterday. Called 'online banking' support, told them it's a general query and not specific to my account, but still have to go through the barrage of idiotic questions. Explained query, kept on hold for 20 minutes, given another number to call ..... repeat process ....... then another number ........ repeat process, phone eventually answered by someone with the broadest Narn Iron accent I've ever heard (and I am quite used to NI accents) but I could barely understand him, he put me through to someone else, by this time my phone battery was about to die so I said 'if we get cut off please call me back on anther number xxxxxxxxx' and the phone cut off and he didn't call me back. I spent roughly 90 minutes to achieve nothing.

Escalated to management.

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

My postal address village is different to my civic address village. Probs because I'm just over where the border is now, but my civic village no longer has a PO.
Some computer systems won't accept the street abbreviation of Route to Rte, like that of my credit card company, whilst others won't accept anything but Rte.
Some American equipment (like gas pumps) insists on zipcode entry "for security". Canadians have Postal codes with one extra character, including three letters.
On the last one, at least the gas station I stopped at just over the border had a bit of paper taped onto the pump that said "Canadians, enter the 3 digits of your Postal Code plus 00" which, miraculously, worked!

All this provides hours of fun, and keeps a lot of customer service agents in a job.

Now, when I wrote software, I performed assorted checks on all entries, so that people could type in almost any old garbage with wrong capitalisation, extra gaps, mis-spellings, WHY, and it would work out what they meant or offer them a choice of what it looked like they meant. And I had to handle names and addresses from every continent. It's not hard, and it's completely unacceptable that any largescale organisation doesn't do likewise.

My Credit Union only has about 15 seconds of blah, then you get to speak to a real person actually in the bank. If there's more than a 30 second wait they let you leave your number and contactable times. I only had to use this once, and they were back to me 1 minute after the time window opened. And all the phone answerers are fully employed bank/teller qualified who are taking a turn on the phones. So you ask for what you want and they do it there and then. This has worked every time, no matter how complex the request (e.g. transferring over $100k across town). And they call you back at your convenience to confirm complex things have been done. And they offer the best savings account interest rate in Canada, so it clearly isn't too expensive to do it this way.

[Slasher]

I'll have to duck over and down to my bank in Singapore because trying to hash out all the requested updates from 'em won't work on their silly online forms. The W-8 form alone is ***** as they don't understand the concept of non-resident alien (subsequently it's not on their bloody options!). It's either go down there or my account risks being frozen. Stoopid shitheads.