Overrun at Liverpool

[Ex-Ascot]

Sorry PHX I think all has been revealed now. Mrs Ex-Ascot used to do a mean PAR at NHT. Only way to get in IFR no room to fit an ILS system. Pilots used to specifically ask for her to talk them down. More than once at DH (200') pilots have said just keep talking. OK, the WWII Officer's Mess adjacent to the threshold of the runway needed rebuilding a couple of times but she got most of them down OK.

[reddo]

VistaJet Global. High speed taxi way, probably a challenge to see the yellow taxi line at 6am on a wet surface. Not sure about the lighting on that taxi way. Some genius had designed that taxi way that narrows abruptly and I suspect the crews thought they were OK but hadn't factored the narrowing of said taxi way.

[Ex-Ascot]

Once had a Capt at night go down a dead end. Can't remember the outcome.

[Boac]

Did he die?

[TheGreenGoblin]

Has anybody here ever done a Precision Radar Approach?

[Slasher]

As director or directee?

[TheGreenGoblin]

As director or directee?

Directee...

[Slasher]

Mrs Ex-Ascot used to do a mean PAR at NHT.

A mean one?!!

Did she ever do kind ones?

[Slasher]

As director or directee?

Directee...

Yep. HKG (Kai Tak) PAR RNW31.
Controller wanted the practice.
Weather not nice.
Director was good!
I wasn’t.

[TheGreenGoblin]

As director or directee?

Directee...

Yep. HKG (Kai Tak) PAR RNW31.
Controller wanted the practice.
Weather not nice.
Director was good!
I wasn’t.

It must have worked. You are still here

[PHXPhlyer]

Yes.
Just a practice one working on instrument rating.

PP

[Ex-Ascot]

Having been based at NHT - loads.

[Slasher]

I think the HKG Deflector had a few WTF!! moments Gob (I reckon TS would’ve thrown her blimmin headset off in disgust) during the approach and I’m sure our flight strip was later filed in the ‘Dogs Dinner’ bin. I forget the miniminum but I was where I was ‘sposed to be except not pointing in the right direction by a few degrees.

Had it been me instead of Charlton Heston landing at Anchorage we would’ve gone in tits n all.

[barkingmad]

Has anybody here ever done a Precision Radar Approach?

Frequently. In a variety of RAF ‘frames, firstly both as a trainee then operationallly then teaching Bloggs in the JP basic trainer.

Great way to get back down in aircraft not ILS equipped and the voices of some of the female ATC controllers were occasionally a wonderful distraction! I will not elaborate on that aspect.

As a tech aside, the powerful primary radars, known as the “nodder & wagger” after the vertical and horizontal sector scans of their antennae, always seemed to have happy unaffected birds flying around close to the airfield installation thus putting paid to the civilian pilot theory that aircraft weather radar was a bird deterrent. Phew! That’s nailed that one at last!

[reddo]

Yep, done them at Northolt.

[Mrs Ex-Ascot]

Mrs Ex-Ascot used to do a mean PAR at NHT.

A mean one?!!

Did she ever do kind ones?

Slasher I was always cool, calm,professional and put on the sexiest voice possible which was why most pilots requested me to do the Talk Down even when I was up in the Tower and everyone had to play musical chairs as a result.

Seriously, not wanting to sound as if blowing off my own trumpet, on several occasions when the only option for landing at NHT was by performing a PAR approach, the pilots did specifically ask for me to be the PAR controller and were willing to hold off while we played musical chairs if I wasn't on PAR at the time. Runway 07 was always great fun with the off set approach when there was a strong wind; a lot of controllers with balls didn't have the balls to cope with it like I did.

[Slasher]

Slasher I was always cool, calm,professional

“Request PAR 07 directed by Miss Squirrels please.”
“Roughnut One...er...say again?”
“Request a P.A.R. with Controller Twin Squirrels...sir...if you please.”
“Roger. I do believe Mrs Ex-Ascot is on duty. Standby.”
“Ok ta. Yeh that’s the one.”
“Roughnut One...yes she can direct you for a PAR on 07, but she’s asking for the name of the pilot in command.”
“Roughnut One um...just say it’s a friend of hers.”
“Ok standby....”
“Ta.”
“Roughnut?...”
“Go red blue leader.”
“Controller Squirrels is asking if the captain is Slasher?”
“Er...no...well...yes sir...I guess that’s affirm.”
“You guess or you know?”
“I know.”
“Ok...she has turned down your request and wishes to inform you her headset is still damaged after she threw them off when she blew a fuse last time, and was highly embarrassed in front of her peers with you meandering around the air like a lost puppy while directing you a while back. I’m sorry sir.”
“What a bugger. Anything I can do?”
“Well you can make it rain in Bots or...er...are you able to cook caterpillar?”
“Um...no I can’t do neither, but just remind TS my wife is Asian and if it lives and breathes it can be cooked.”
“Roger. She accepts that. Call Director now 120.5 Good day.”
“Yo there Director this is Roughnut One maintaining fife tousand on radar heading one zero zero.”
“Roughnut One this is Director. Identified. There is no ‘Yo’ in radio parlance. Maintain current heading for Precision Radar Approach runway zero seven. QNH now 1004.”
“Roger current heading and 1004 Roughnut One.”
“And Roughnut say current indicated airspeed?”
“Roughnut One is 340kt as always.”
“Er...Roughnut One reduce to 200 knots indicated and conform with AIP limitations please.”
“Roger reducing to 200 Roughnut One. Sorry.”
“Are you going to be a good boy today?”
“Say again from Roughnut?”
“Are you going to strictly follow my instructions this time and not wander around the sky like a drunken pelican?”
“Yes...affirm TS.”
“Ma’am will suffice here Roughnut One. Turn left heading 090 and descend to 3,000.”
“Roughnut One. Left 090 descend 3000. Black suspenders and garter belt today?”
“See? This what I mean Slasher. You are more interested in my attire than listening to my radar instructions! This is why I refuse to put on a sexy voice in your case.”
“Sorry er...Twin...um...ma’am. I’ll um...obey RT discipline.”
“That’s better. Otherwise Ex-Ascot will have you watering all our mammoths and cleaning up bat poo for a year!”
“[ahem] Roger.”
“You were stating an actual fact when you said that Apsara can cook baby caterpillars?”
“Well to be honest TS..er ma’am I’m not sure but I can certainly ask.”
“Ok. We prefer our caterpillars steamed. Not fried.”
“Um roger.”
“Roughnut One in the event your wife cannot cook caterpillar, do you offer a free Super Cub endorsement to my beloved?”
“That’s a big affirm from theeee Roughnut!”
“Ok turn further left heading 080. Descend to 2000.”
“080 and 2000. Roughnut One.”
“You get me cranky or annoyed by lack of pilot attention and I’ll make you a tomato risotto - then promptly slop it all over your flippin’ head!”
“Er...yep...affirm TS...um...ma’am.”

The approach was flown dead accurate to the knot, the foot, and the degree. Subsequently no risottos were harmed nor slopped over anyone after the landing.

[Mrs Ex-Ascot]

Slasher

But you omitted the bit when TS promised you black stockings and suspenders along with my sexiest voice next time as you had done so well.

[Ex-Ascot]

My usual calls to NHT tower when going into LGW was 'Northolt tower, Monarch 2154, wot's for my dinna?' Twas a bugga actually, TS knew my flight number, knew when I had landed from radar so I couldn't claim we were late and go out for a drink with the girlies.

[Boac]

I have had a few RAF lady controllers in my time...........they always used to let you down so gently and never break you off. One or two known to give bum steers, though, and if you ever got in their dark spot they could lose contact................and some of them sadly used to talk right up to the end.