Friday Jokes
- Ex-Ascot
- Test Pilot
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Re: Friday Jokes
Diving off the Cornish coast years back, swimming back to the boat I saw a large fin behind me. I got into the boat weight belt and tank still attached. It was only a basking one but I wasn't into asking questions at the time.
'Yes, Madam, I am drunk, but in the morning I shall be sober and you will still be ugly.' Sir Winston Churchill.
- Opsboi
- Chief Pilot
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Re: Game for a laugh?
Should have posted that in the Capetonian WOE thread!
Re: Friday Jokes
Yes - that would have been a good idea!
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- Chief Pilot
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Re: Friday Jokes
A lady on a commuter train was reading a newspaper article about life and death statistics. Fascinated, she turned to the man next to her and said, "Did you know that every time I breathe somebody dies?"
"Really!" he said, "Have you tried using a mouthwash?"
"Really!" he said, "Have you tried using a mouthwash?"
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
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- Chief Pilot
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Re: Friday Jokes
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
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- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 6002
- Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
- Location: 59°09N 002°38W
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- Age: 80
Re: Friday Jokes
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
- Woody
- Chief Pilot
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- Age: 59
Re: Friday Jokes
When all else fails, read the instructions.
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- Chief Pilot
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- Age: 80
Re: Friday Jokes
Simple question, simple answer
(Apologies for aviation content)
(Apologies for aviation content)
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
Re: Friday Jokes
One of my mates has spare two tickets in a corporate box for the England v Scotland game. He paid £300 each, but he didn't realise when he bought them that it was going to be the same day as his Covid 19 postponed wedding. If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place.
It's at Braintree Registry Office, at 2.30pm. The bride's name is Moira, she's 5'4", about 8 stone, quite pretty, has her own income and is a really good cook….
It's at Braintree Registry Office, at 2.30pm. The bride's name is Moira, she's 5'4", about 8 stone, quite pretty, has her own income and is a really good cook….
Rev Mother Bene Gesserit.
Sent from my PDP11/05 running RSX-11D via an ASR33 (TTY)
Sent from my PDP11/05 running RSX-11D via an ASR33 (TTY)
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- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 6002
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- Location: 59°09N 002°38W
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- Age: 80
Re: Friday Jokes
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
Re: Friday Jokes
We stayed at a Motel 6 (cheap, low-end but dog friendly) and the toilet had a seat but no lid. This was mentioned in the Yelp review that it would be better to have lids to prevent dogs from drinking from the bowl, and next time we stayed at that place there were indeed lids.
Re: Friday Jokes
Well, he got what he asked for....... https://www.msn.com/en-gb/lifestyle/oth ... np1taskbar
Re: Friday Jokes
The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for an answered prayer.
Suzie stood and walked to the podium.
She said, "I have some praise. Two months ago, my husband, Frank, had a terrible bicycle accident and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."
You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Frank must have experienced.
"Frank was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain."
We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Frank's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place with metal staples."
Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Frank.
"Now," she announced in a quivering voice, "thank the Lord, Frank is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely."
All the men sighed with unified relief.
The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say.
A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He said, "I'm Frank"
The entire congregation held its breath.
"I just want to tell my wife that the word is sternum."
Suzie stood and walked to the podium.
She said, "I have some praise. Two months ago, my husband, Frank, had a terrible bicycle accident and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."
You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Frank must have experienced.
"Frank was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain."
We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Frank's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place with metal staples."
Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Frank.
"Now," she announced in a quivering voice, "thank the Lord, Frank is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely."
All the men sighed with unified relief.
The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say.
A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He said, "I'm Frank"
The entire congregation held its breath.
"I just want to tell my wife that the word is sternum."
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- Chief Pilot
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Re: Friday Jokes
Well,
#1, very funny, but I don't think I get it.
#2, funny, but I don't quite get it. I get the 666.
#3, not really funny as it's true and I get it.
#1, very funny, but I don't think I get it.
#2, funny, but I don't quite get it. I get the 666.
#3, not really funny as it's true and I get it.