Friday Jokes
-
- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 6033
- Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
- Location: 59°09N 002°38W
- Gender:
- Age: 80
Re: Friday Jokes
The Welsh invented the condom using the sheep's lower intestine. The English refined the idea by taking it out of the sheep first.
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
-
- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 6033
- Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
- Location: 59°09N 002°38W
- Gender:
- Age: 80
Re: Friday Jokes
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
-
- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 6033
- Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
- Location: 59°09N 002°38W
- Gender:
- Age: 80
Re: Friday Jokes
Pope Benedict shows-up at the Pearly Gates but there's nobody waiting for him.
"Where is everybody?", he asks St. Peter.
Peter responds: "They're all watching Barbara Walters interview Pele."
"Where is everybody?", he asks St. Peter.
Peter responds: "They're all watching Barbara Walters interview Pele."
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
Re: Friday Jokes
As "Circle of Threes" (I just made that up) go, can anyone think of a more famous threesome who checked out close together?
Maybe some on the Titanic?
PP
Maybe some on the Titanic?
PP
Re: Friday Jokes
I want one!
Re: Friday Jokes
A man was admitted to hospital today with 25 plastic horses stuffed in his rectum.
Doctors described his condition as "stable".
Doctors described his condition as "stable".
Re: Friday Jokes
What made Quasimodo think he needed to see a back specialist?
Nothing. It was just a hunch.
Nothing. It was just a hunch.
-
- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 6033
- Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
- Location: 59°09N 002°38W
- Gender:
- Age: 80
Re: Friday Jokes
Q: My child refuses to eat fish, what can I replace it with?
A: A cat. Cats love fish!
A: A cat. Cats love fish!
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
-
- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 6033
- Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
- Location: 59°09N 002°38W
- Gender:
- Age: 80
Re: Friday Jokes
Man 1: I think you have a deep-seated fear of marriage. Do you know the symptoms?
Man 2: I can't say I do.
Man 1: That's one of them.
Man 2: I can't say I do.
Man 1: That's one of them.
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
- Woody
- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 10318
- Joined: Tue Aug 25, 2015 6:33 pm
- Location: Sir Kenny Dalglish Stand
- Age: 59
Re: Friday Jokes
I hold the record for best impression of a sheep with a deep voice.
To be fair, it’s a very low bar.
To be fair, it’s a very low bar.
When all else fails, read the instructions.
- Fox3WheresMyBanana
- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 13417
- Joined: Thu Sep 03, 2015 9:51 pm
- Location: Great White North
- Gender:
- Age: 61
Re: Friday Jokes
I hold the record for running the world's only pub exclusively for dwarves.......
-
- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 6033
- Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
- Location: 59°09N 002°38W
- Gender:
- Age: 80
Re: Friday Jokes
First person: What's the difference between curtains and toilet paper?
Second person: I don't know.
First person: Ah, so it WAS you!
Second person: I don't know.
First person: Ah, so it WAS you!
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
-
- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 6033
- Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
- Location: 59°09N 002°38W
- Gender:
- Age: 80
Re: Friday Jokes
Her: "Tell me something you've never told anyone else."
Him: whispering "I think that the owl people are already among us."
Her: "Who?"
Him: "Holy sh1t!"
Him: whispering "I think that the owl people are already among us."
Her: "Who?"
Him: "Holy sh1t!"
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
-
- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 6033
- Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
- Location: 59°09N 002°38W
- Gender:
- Age: 80
Re: Friday Jokes
William Penn, founder of Pennsylvania, was one of philadelphia's most prominent citizens. He had two maiden aunts who owned a bakery that was known far and wide for its fruit pies, which were reputed to be the best anywhere.
After many years of success the two aunts had a serious falling out the details of which are unknown. They stopped speaking to one another altogether; one even moved across the street and opened her own bakery thus putting the two in competition. It wasn't very long before a price war ensued with each aunt lowering her prices to undercut the other. Eventually it got so ridiculous that they were selling their products below cost!
By this time the only topic of conversation in town was the pie rates of Penn's aunts.
After many years of success the two aunts had a serious falling out the details of which are unknown. They stopped speaking to one another altogether; one even moved across the street and opened her own bakery thus putting the two in competition. It wasn't very long before a price war ensued with each aunt lowering her prices to undercut the other. Eventually it got so ridiculous that they were selling their products below cost!
By this time the only topic of conversation in town was the pie rates of Penn's aunts.
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
-
- Capt
- Posts: 1016
- Joined: Fri Sep 04, 2015 1:27 pm
- Location: Morayshire Scotland
- Gender:
- Age: 82
Re: Friday Jokes
That last one is a star circumstantial story/joke Ric. I once met a bloke who had a wonderful fund of stories like that but they were all topical to that time and wouldn't translate to today. Sadly.
The Ancient Mariner
The Ancient Mariner
- OFSO
- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 18824
- Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 6:39 pm
- Location: Teddington UK and Roses Catalunia
- Gender:
- Age: 80
Re: Friday Jokes
#9416 Groan!
-
- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 6033
- Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
- Location: 59°09N 002°38W
- Gender:
- Age: 80
Re: Friday Jokes
Induction - the act of inserting ducks.
Deduction - the act of removing ducks.
Reduction - replacing a worn-out duck with a fresh duck.
Ductless - lack of ducks.
Ductor - vet specialising in ducks.,
Deduction - the act of removing ducks.
Reduction - replacing a worn-out duck with a fresh duck.
Ductless - lack of ducks.
Ductor - vet specialising in ducks.,
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER
- Woody
- Chief Pilot
- Posts: 10318
- Joined: Tue Aug 25, 2015 6:33 pm
- Location: Sir Kenny Dalglish Stand
- Age: 59
Re: Friday Jokes
When all else fails, read the instructions.