Friday Jokes

[ricardian]

[probes]

Oh, Gosh! - well, the keyboard and coffee....
(and WHY does the protrait have to be that scaret, I wonder?)

[ricardian]

Albert Einstein was a genius but his brother, Frank, created a monster

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

Almost half of all noise complaints in Australia last year were filed by the same person, who complained 20,716 times
He lives under the flightpath for Perth Airport.

[llondel]

Almost half of all noise complaints in Australia last year were filed by the same person, who complained 20,716 times
He lives under the flightpath for Perth Airport.

That's an average of over 56 complaints a day. He must have a decibel meter attached to a computer to auto-generate a complaint if it trips whatever threshold he set.

[Karearea]

Meme:

" I was born to be wild but
only until 9pm or so. "

[unifoxos]

Re 11004 - similarly at LHR, but without a meter - "It is thought campaigners are using automated software to generate complaints against the airport. The scheme was caught out when two anti-Heathrow enthusiasts forgot to take into account the hour going back in October, and began complaining about flights that had not yet taken off or arrived."

[ricardian]

I've been watching my weight. It's still there.

[ricardian]

One toy gun for sale - very cheap!

[ricardian]

A policeman was patrolling a rural area. At nearly midnight, he sees a couple in a car, on Lovers' Lane, with the interior light brightly glowing. He carefully approaches the car to get a closer look. Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine. He immediately notices a young woman in the rear seat, filing her fingernails.
Puzzled by this unusual situation, the constable walks to the car and gently raps on the driver's window.
The young man lowers his window. "Uh, yes, Officer?"
The constable asks: "What are you doing?"
The young man says: "Well, Officer, I'm reading a magazine."
Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat the constable says: "And what is she doing?"
The young man shrugs: "Sir, I believe she's filing her fingernails."
Now, the constable is totally confused. A young couple, alone, in a car, at night on Lover's Lane and nothing obscene is happening!
The constable asks: "What's your age, young man?"
The young man says: "I'm 21, sir."
The constable asks: "And her, what's her age?"
The young man looks at his watch and replies: "She'll be 18 in 11 minutes!"

[ricardian]

My friend's nickname is "The Computer". It has nothing to do with his intelligence, he goes to sleep if left unattended for 10 minutes.

[ricardian]

Those of a certain age will recognise the source for this item

[Fox3WheresMyBanana]

Open your flies fishing...by JR Hartley

[CharlieOneSix]

'John Swinney' fake acceptance speech as First Minister of Scotland. Hilarious!

[ricardian]

My friend's 3 year old daughter was terrified of thunder until my friend told her that it was just the sky farting. Now whenever her daughter hears thunder she just giggles

[llondel]

Bus driver interview:

"Sorry I'm late."

"You're hired."

[G-CPTN]

I believe that being 'early' is the sackable offence.

[ricardian]

[unifoxos]

No, she won't - the colour isn't a good match.

[OFSO]

My brother+in-law was rushed to hospital last year with nasty head wounds after one of those fell on him while he and his team of builders were lifting it over a wall. Lots of blood (head wound).