Friday Jokes

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ricardian
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Re: Friday Jokes

#4401 Post by ricardian » Thu Jan 16, 2020 12:21 pm

Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
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ricardian
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Re: Friday Jokes

#4402 Post by ricardian » Thu Jan 16, 2020 1:59 pm

This "climate change" stuff never happened when we were sacrificing young virgins to the Sun God
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Re: Friday Jokes

#4403 Post by ribrash » Thu Jan 16, 2020 2:11 pm

Someone must be sacrificing them on the quiet somewhere.
D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F

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ian16th
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Re: Friday Jokes

#4404 Post by ian16th » Thu Jan 16, 2020 3:08 pm

Ra is upset.
Wine improves with age
I improve with wine :YMPARTY:

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ricardian
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Re: Friday Jokes

#4405 Post by ricardian » Thu Jan 16, 2020 3:39 pm

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ricardian
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Re: Friday Jokes

#4406 Post by ricardian » Thu Jan 16, 2020 4:33 pm

Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER

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ricardian
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Re: Friday Jokes

#4407 Post by ricardian » Thu Jan 16, 2020 9:24 pm

Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
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https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER

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Re: Friday Jokes

#4408 Post by llondel » Fri Jan 17, 2020 4:57 am

vaccination.jpg
vaccination.jpg (22.77 KiB) Viewed 455 times

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ricardian
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Re: Friday Jokes

#4409 Post by ricardian » Fri Jan 17, 2020 3:12 pm

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ricardian
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Re: Friday Jokes

#4410 Post by ricardian » Fri Jan 17, 2020 9:41 pm

A man, while playing on the front nine of a complicated golf course, became confused as to where he was on the course. Looking around, he saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her, explained his confusion and asked her if she knew what hole he was playing.
She replied, "I'm on the 7th hole, and you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole." he thanked her and went back to his golf.
On the back nine the same thing happened; and he approached her again with the same request. She said, "I'm on the 14th hole, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th hole." once again he thanked her and returned to his play.
He finished his round and went to the clubhouse where he saw the same lady sitting at the end of the bar. He asked the bartender if he knew the lady. The bartender said that she was a sales lady and played the course often. He approached her and said, "Let me buy you a drink in appreciation for your help. I understand that you are in the sales profession. I'm in sales, also. What do you sell?"
She replied, "If I tell you, you'll laugh."
"No, I won't."
"Well, if you must know," she answered, "I work for Tampax."
With that, he laughed so hard he almost lost his breath. She said, "See, I knew you would laugh."
"That's not what I'm laughing at," he replied. “I’m a salesman for Preparation H, so I'm still a hole behind you!”
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Re: Friday Jokes

#4411 Post by PHXPhlyer » Fri Jan 17, 2020 9:48 pm

=))

PP

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Re: Friday Jokes

#4412 Post by Slasher » Sat Jan 18, 2020 6:53 am

I’ve always liked Chris Rock. He’s one funny kickass black dude who himself hates niggas! =))

Note - swearing.






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Re: Friday Jokes

#4413 Post by Capetonian » Sat Jan 18, 2020 8:26 am

An old farmer had a dam on his farm with picnic table and chairs under a tree.
One evening he decided to go down to it.
As he got near he heard female voices shouting and giggling with glee. A bunch of young women were skinny-dipping.
He made them aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.
One shouted 'We're not coming out 'til you leave!'
The old man frowned. 'I didn't come to watch you ladies swim or make you get out naked. I'm here to feed the crocodile.'
Moral of the story: Some old men can still think fast....
"Religion is the advertising campaign for something that doesn't exist."
The late Clive James

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Re: Friday Jokes

#4414 Post by Slasher » Sat Jan 18, 2020 8:47 am

One naughty little doggy for sale.

D3C3BF01-2B75-4636-A1F9-8C92A2D9FA7C.jpeg

I trained him meself!

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ricardian
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Re: Friday Jokes

#4415 Post by ricardian » Sat Jan 18, 2020 11:18 am

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ricardian
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Re: Friday Jokes

#4416 Post by ricardian » Sat Jan 18, 2020 2:56 pm

Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com
https://www.wunderground.com/forecast/EGER

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ricardian
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Re: Friday Jokes

#4417 Post by ricardian » Sat Jan 18, 2020 4:36 pm

The male teacher in a girls' school asked the science class, "Who can tell me what organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated? Mary, can you tell me?"
Mary blushed furiously as she stood up. She said, "Sir, how dare you ask such a question? I will complain to my parents, who will complain to the principal."
The male teacher was taken aback at first by Mary's reaction. Then, as understanding dawned on him, he called for another pupil, this time a volunteer. Lily put up her hand. "Yes, Lily?"
"Sir, the correct answer is the iris of the eye."
"Very good. Thanks, Lily," said the male teacher. He then turned to the first girl, who had threatened to complain to her parents and principal. He said, "Well, Mary, I have three things to tell you. First, you have NOT done your homework. Second, you have a DIRTY mind. And third, I fear, one day, you are going to be sadly disappointed."
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
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ricardian
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Re: Friday Jokes

#4418 Post by ricardian » Sat Jan 18, 2020 6:16 pm

Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
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visitstronsay.com
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ricardian
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Re: Friday Jokes

#4419 Post by ricardian » Sat Jan 18, 2020 9:02 pm

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Re: Friday Jokes

#4420 Post by Slasher » Sun Jan 19, 2020 2:27 am

ricardian wrote:
Sat Jan 18, 2020 6:16 pm
As I have always suspected
So cats would be useful Ric in an A320 as a backup to the aural “SPEED! SPEED! SPEED!” (low energy warning)?

This is apart from them being Nature’s attitude instrument as any fule nose.

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