Friday Jokes

General Chit Chat
Message
Author
User avatar
ricardian
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 2777
Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
Location: 59°09N 002°38W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Gender:
Age: 76

Re: Friday Jokes

#5221 Post by ricardian » Sun May 24, 2020 12:59 am

Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com

User avatar
ricardian
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 2777
Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
Location: 59°09N 002°38W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Gender:
Age: 76

Re: Friday Jokes

#5222 Post by ricardian » Sun May 24, 2020 10:05 am

Two women were out for a Saturday stroll. One had a Doberman and the other, a Chihuahua. As they walked down the street, the one with the Doberman said to her friend, "Let's go over to that bar for a drink."
The lady with the Chihuahua said, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us."
The one with the Doberman said, "Just watch, and do as I do."
They walked over to the bar and the one with the Doberman put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk in.
The bouncer at the door said, "Sorry, lady, no pets allowed."
The woman with the Doberman said, "You don't understand. This is my guide dog."
The bouncer said, "A Doberman?"
The woman said, "Yes, they're using them now. They're very good."
The bouncer said, "OK, come on in."
The lady with the Chihuahua thought that convincing him that a Chihuahua was a guide dog may be a bit more difficult, but thought. "What the heck." So she put on her dark glasses and started to walk in. Once again the bouncer said, "Sorry, lady, no pets allowed."
The woman said, "You don't understand. This is my guide dog."
The bouncer said, "A Chihuahua?"
The woman with the Chihuahua said, "A Chihuahua? They gave me a bloody Chihuahua?"
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com

User avatar
Woody
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 5581
Joined: Tue Aug 25, 2015 6:33 pm
Location: Sir Kenny Dalglish Stand
Age: 56

Re: Friday Jokes

#5223 Post by Woody » Sun May 24, 2020 11:32 am

Can the last person to leave,please feed the cat.

User avatar
barkingmad
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 2076
Joined: Mon Nov 02, 2015 9:13 pm
Location: Another Planet
Gender:
Age: 71

Re: Friday Jokes

#5224 Post by barkingmad » Sun May 24, 2020 2:38 pm

After all that training, effort and the final anus-puckering moment, the suicide bombers will get to Paradise and join in the Great Bake-Off competition!
What an eternal disappointment for them all?

https://tfipost.com/2018/08/virgins-raisins-01/

G-CPTN
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 2583
Joined: Sun Aug 05, 2018 11:22 pm
Location: Tynedale
Gender:
Age: 75

Re: Friday Jokes

#5225 Post by G-CPTN » Sun May 24, 2020 3:28 pm

Raison d'être?

User avatar
ricardian
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 2777
Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
Location: 59°09N 002°38W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Gender:
Age: 76

Re: Friday Jokes

#5226 Post by ricardian » Sun May 24, 2020 6:26 pm

Image
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com

User avatar
ricardian
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 2777
Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
Location: 59°09N 002°38W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Gender:
Age: 76

Re: Friday Jokes

#5227 Post by ricardian » Sun May 24, 2020 6:32 pm

Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com

User avatar
Rwy in Sight
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 4637
Joined: Wed Aug 26, 2015 8:04 pm
Location: Lost in an FIR somewhere
Gender:

Re: Friday Jokes

#5228 Post by Rwy in Sight » Sun May 24, 2020 7:51 pm

Congratulations Hydromet and nice point about 60 years.

User avatar
barkingmad
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 2076
Joined: Mon Nov 02, 2015 9:13 pm
Location: Another Planet
Gender:
Age: 71

Re: Friday Jokes

#5229 Post by barkingmad » Sun May 24, 2020 8:06 pm

G-CPTN wrote:
Sun May 24, 2020 3:28 pm
Raison d'être?
I never did find out the raisin why it wasn’t a reward of 72 sultanas, except for the fact that a sultana was ‘pre-owned’ as opposed to a raisin being “factory-fresh”!

At least a sultana was pre-owned in some cases;

https://www.yourdictionary.com/sultana

User avatar
ricardian
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 2777
Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
Location: 59°09N 002°38W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Gender:
Age: 76

Re: Friday Jokes

#5230 Post by ricardian » Sun May 24, 2020 10:11 pm

Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com

Hydromet
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 2234
Joined: Thu Aug 27, 2015 8:55 am
Location:

Re: Friday Jokes

#5231 Post by Hydromet » Sun May 24, 2020 10:12 pm

Thank you, Jim.

User avatar
ricardian
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 2777
Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
Location: 59°09N 002°38W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Gender:
Age: 76

Re: Friday Jokes

#5232 Post by ricardian » Mon May 25, 2020 5:49 am

Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com

User avatar
ricardian
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 2777
Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
Location: 59°09N 002°38W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Gender:
Age: 76

Re: Friday Jokes

#5233 Post by ricardian » Mon May 25, 2020 6:37 pm

Had a bit of a sad night last night. The kid's pet hamster Fluffy died. A terrible way to go - he fell asleep at the wheel 🎡
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com

User avatar
ricardian
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 2777
Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
Location: 59°09N 002°38W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Gender:
Age: 76

Re: Friday Jokes

#5234 Post by ricardian » Mon May 25, 2020 8:26 pm

Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com

User avatar
ricardian
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 2777
Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
Location: 59°09N 002°38W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Gender:
Age: 76

Re: Friday Jokes

#5235 Post by ricardian » Tue May 26, 2020 3:51 am

Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com

User avatar
Alisoncc
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 3646
Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 7:20 am
Location: Arrakis
Gender:
Age: 76

Re: Friday Jokes

#5236 Post by Alisoncc » Tue May 26, 2020 4:20 am

Just to pass some time:

When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.

To me, “drink responsibly” means don’t spill it.

When I say, “The other day,” I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.

Interviewer: “So, tell me about yourself.”
Me: “I’d rather not. I kinda want this job”

Cop: “Please step out of the car.”
Me: “I’m too drunk. You get in.”

I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.

I had my patience tested. I’m negative.

If you’re sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say “Did you bring the money?”

When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say “nothing,” it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.

Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 is new midnight.

When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, “Why, what did you hear?”

I don’t mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.

When I ask for directions, please don’t use words like “east.”

Don’t bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring Spend 30 seconds in my head. That’ll freak you right out.

That moment when you walk into a spider web suddenly turns you into a karate master.

The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
Rev Mother Bene Gesserit.

Sent from my PDP11/05 running RSX-11D via an ASR33 (TTY)

Hydromet
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 2234
Joined: Thu Aug 27, 2015 8:55 am
Location:

Re: Friday Jokes

#5237 Post by Hydromet » Wed May 27, 2020 11:12 am

99425618_10163550238820463_2121387869091135488_n.jpg
99425618_10163550238820463_2121387869091135488_n.jpg (36.9 KiB) Viewed 146 times

User avatar
ricardian
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 2777
Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
Location: 59°09N 002°38W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Gender:
Age: 76

Re: Friday Jokes

#5238 Post by ricardian » Wed May 27, 2020 1:57 pm

Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com

User avatar
ricardian
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 2777
Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
Location: 59°09N 002°38W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Gender:
Age: 76

Re: Friday Jokes

#5239 Post by ricardian » Wed May 27, 2020 2:21 pm

Image
Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com

User avatar
ricardian
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 2777
Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:08 pm
Location: 59°09N 002°38W (IATA: SOY, ICAO: EGER)
Gender:
Age: 76

Re: Friday Jokes

#5240 Post by ricardian » Wed May 27, 2020 8:54 pm

Ricardian, Stronsay, Orkney UK
www.stronsaylimpet.co.uk
visitstronsay.com

Post Reply