Serious help needed

By Popular Request - Modded by the Girls of Ops-Normal.
Message
Author
User avatar
OFSO
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 6638
Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 6:39 pm
Location: The Peoples Republic of Islington
Gender:
Age: 75

Serious help needed

#1 Post by OFSO » Thu May 09, 2019 3:22 pm

The OFSO'S are looking for property to buy when the present probate sale is completed. Needless to say our first move is internet searches on Rightmove etc. Whenever SWMBO finds somewhere and shows me I look at pictures, location, plan, street view and make appropriate comments for or against. In contrast....Whenever I find somewhere and call Mrs OFSO's attention to it, the problems start. Kitchen too small, too ugly, bedrooms ditto, living room unacceptable, house ugly etc ad inf. There is not a single house I found on-line that has not immediately been ripped to shreds in SWMBO's estimation and my opinions discarded as worthless. Of course when I withdraw from the property hunt I'm told I'm being unhelpful. I suspect that most if not every married man has experienced a similar thing. How did you cope ?

User avatar
Capetonian
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 9434
Joined: Sun Aug 23, 2015 7:44 am
Location: Enjoying the self-destruction of the EU.
Gender:
Age: 66

Re: Serious help needed

#2 Post by Capetonian » Thu May 09, 2019 3:30 pm

It has applied to me when choosing

Accommodation
Holidays
Flight schedules
Cars
Clothes
Reading material
Books
Art
Furniture
Restaurants
Ad infinitum .....

You have two choices and have to live with the least unpalatable.

Live with it.
File for divorce and live happily ever after.

(Knowing your lovely wife, I hope you realise.that the latter suggestion.is in jest)
One thing you can say for the French, when civilization falls they have less far to fall than everyone else.

User avatar
Mrs Ex-Ascot
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 3143
Joined: Mon Aug 24, 2015 7:18 am
Location: Botswana but sometimes Greece
Age: 54

Re: Serious help needed

#3 Post by Mrs Ex-Ascot » Thu May 09, 2019 3:37 pm

Have you considered the possibility that Mrs OFSO doesn't want to move?

Can't really emphasise as we made joint decisions on the sale and purchasing of all our properties. o:-)
RAF 32 Sqn B Flt ; Twin Squirrels.

User avatar
ian16th
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 5105
Joined: Fri Aug 28, 2015 9:35 am
Location: KZN South Coast with the bananas
Gender:
Age: 82

Re: Serious help needed

#4 Post by ian16th » Thu May 09, 2019 3:39 pm

OFSO wrote:
Thu May 09, 2019 3:22 pm
How did you cope ?
Dunno really, we've only been married 57 years and lived in 16 flats/houses, 10 rented and 6 purchased.

When we have some real experience I'll let you know.
Wine improves with age
I improve with wine :YMPARTY:

User avatar
OFSO
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 6638
Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 6:39 pm
Location: The Peoples Republic of Islington
Gender:
Age: 75

Re: Serious help needed

#5 Post by OFSO » Thu May 09, 2019 4:25 pm

Not a case that Mrs OFSO does not want to move (although she does) but Probate Sale mandates paying off all the heirs. I know, I did the paperwork. (Sneaky aside: it was all left to me and I did for about thirty seconds consider substituting my own name for the heirs. But one of them being known for exercising extreme violence and the other being her brother I desisted). I've been married three times and divorced twice: repeatedly summoning defeat out of the jaws of triumph I suppose. Under £100,000 would buy me a well-converted Dutch barge on a Thames mooring in Wapping. Sigh. Dream on, ex-batchelor.

User avatar
limeygal
Capt
Capt
Posts: 1463
Joined: Sun Aug 23, 2015 12:56 am
Location: Florida
Gender:
Age: 67

Re: Serious help needed

#6 Post by limeygal » Thu May 09, 2019 5:25 pm

It sounds like you are both looking randomly and independently. Try sitting down and each drawing up a list of what each of you would like-location, floor plan, house/flat/whatever, price point, etc. Then compare lists. Draw up a final list and start looking with the criteria you have both agreed on. I guarantee you will both have to make concessions, just don't sweat the small stuff. Working together will be far easier than the continual bickering. Good luck

G-CPTN
Capt
Capt
Posts: 1170
Joined: Sun Aug 05, 2018 11:22 pm
Location: Tynedale

Re: Serious help needed

#7 Post by G-CPTN » Thu May 09, 2019 5:33 pm

Kepner Tregoe promoted a decision making protocol whereby you listed 'Musts' 'Needs' 'Wants' and 'Likes' together with the negatives of those terms so you could rate your choices according to the requirements.

User avatar
om15
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 5152
Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 9:51 pm
Location: Dorset
Age: 66

Re: Serious help needed

#8 Post by om15 » Thu May 09, 2019 5:56 pm

Our joint objective was to save up for retirement, when reached (18 months ago) we were going to sell up, copper up and retreat to the deep country side. After 18 months of thought we haven't yet reached a decision on which country it is going to be never mind looking at actual houses.
We are in our fifth house, each one selected on availability and proximity to the new job, our choices didn't really come into it, current house was the first one we saw in the Estate Agents window, it was empty and available so we bought it.

I idly browse Rightmove, looking at houses in Aviemore, Milford Haven, Cromer and Wexford, none have a satisfactory shed or proximity to an available allotment.

You have my sympathy.
Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but then again neither does milk.

Pontius Navigator
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 2265
Joined: Fri Jul 07, 2017 8:17 am
Location: EGXC Lincolnshire
Gender:
Age: 76

Re: Serious help needed

#9 Post by Pontius Navigator » Thu May 09, 2019 6:59 pm

OFSO, we were free to chose anywhere, I was easy so we selected a particular corridor. We had a basic plan, 4/3 bed, reasonable size garden, none shared drive, shop, doctor, and for me a garage was non-negotiable. Thereafter we were much as you describe. Our sale exchange got closer but finding a home didn't.

I found one, it had the ultimate shared drive and the deeds were defective. I could see through the problem and really pushed as I was fed up with looking but not seeing.

We now have a house we love, in a village we love, but the drive!!!

Everything is a compromise.

But you think you have issues. I sent an email to one estate agent "what part of modern, 4 bed, en suite masterbedroom, detached, with utility room and large garage does that 3-bed pre-war semi with no garage meet my requirements"

Draw up your list, let her add her list, scratch yours. Decide essential. In Helen 's case this included stone or red brick but not the colourless cheap brick. She wouldn't accept brown windows. Then go for it.

User avatar
OFSO
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 6638
Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 6:39 pm
Location: The Peoples Republic of Islington
Gender:
Age: 75

Re: Serious help needed

#10 Post by OFSO » Thu May 09, 2019 7:19 pm

Classic problem was in Spain. High upon the mountains surrounded by forest, away from the madding crowd. Only when the forest fires sweep through, the water bombers don't come as quickly as when an urbanisation is threatened.
We are coming to the realising that what buys a small apartment in London buys a four bedroom house on the south coast. Limeygal, our wants and aims are the same. Doesn't mean that what a mere man suggests isn't a reason for mirth in the female mind. Ask any married man.

bob2s
CPL
CPL
Posts: 21
Joined: Thu Mar 14, 2019 9:42 pm
Location: NSW Australia

Re: Serious help needed

#11 Post by bob2s » Thu May 09, 2019 10:55 pm

OFSO I think you fail to understand that you are either the master of the house ,our you live in it ,and like most of us you live in it.So like the rest of us just go with the flow.

User avatar
Fox3WheresMyBanana
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 5775
Joined: Thu Sep 03, 2015 9:51 pm
Location: Great White North
Gender:
Age: 56

Re: Serious help needed

#12 Post by Fox3WheresMyBanana » Thu May 09, 2019 11:54 pm

The trick is to force her to be a better boss. I used to teach a course in this to my cadet NCOs.
I was told by a parent, ordered even, to stop doing it after 3 months as he was fed up with his daughter using the knowledge on him, and finding himself unable to wriggle out of it. I continued ;)))
She is now a senior director at one of the UK's top advertising sales groups.

Maintain a subordinate position, but oblige her to give you better direction.
Find something that meets all her parameters. Point out it costs £1,5000,000, or whatever.
Ask her what she wishes to spend, and therefore what her priorities are and which compromises she is prepared to make, in order. Act dumb and write it down. Obtain confirmation (not agreement, you are the subordinate).
Work on the highest priority given, say kitchen. research, then point out there's no kitchen of this quality in a home for less than £xxx.
Etc.
Do a self-work study. Find out how many houses you can check per hour, and what percentage meet the parameters. Use this when she asks for things that will take too long. There is no need, indeed one shouldn't, complain about the task given taking, say, 480 hours. Just point out you will only be able to give her an answer by mid-June. Be thorough, as you will get stuff like
"Can't you work any faster?"
"Well, I have to check the 17 parameters you've given me, it takes x seconds to type it in, the website takes y seconds to..""
"Oh, whatever"
If you keep finding things she doesn't like, ask her for an example of what she does like.
Remember, remain deferential, just be a good underling and point out to your 'boss' the consequences of her commands, as one of course should.
There will be a phase where she switches from getting picky about the house to picking on you. This is normal, see Graham's Hierarchy of Disagreement. It's a sign you've won.
Eventually she will start involving you in the process, in order to avoid herself looking like an idiot for asking the impossible. She may even switch to leaving it all up to you, but remember to always bring her a final choice of three (usual orders: preferred, bad, so-so; or so-so, bad, preferred; depending on whether you think she will go for first or last respectively).
This method usually has long term, even permanent benefits. It should be easier to get all future decisions out of her. I know several people who have used this all their lives at work, both in private life and both private and public business, including a senior civil servant to a Secretary of State. It works.

User avatar
OFSO
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 6638
Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 6:39 pm
Location: The Peoples Republic of Islington
Gender:
Age: 75

Re: Serious help needed

#13 Post by OFSO » Fri May 10, 2019 5:19 am

Well...thanks. I think I'll just revert to the teenage daughter method, you know where you praise anything you want them to dislike and denigrate anything you want them to accept. So when I find a property I like it will be "oh look at this, what a ghastly house, too small, too few bathrooms, terrible kitchen.."

G-CPTN
Capt
Capt
Posts: 1170
Joined: Sun Aug 05, 2018 11:22 pm
Location: Tynedale

Re: Serious help needed

#14 Post by G-CPTN » Fri May 10, 2019 7:55 am

Identify a possible definite maybe.

User avatar
probes
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 2040
Joined: Sun Aug 23, 2015 9:01 pm
Location: 'Urop
Gender:

Re: Serious help needed

#15 Post by probes » Fri May 10, 2019 8:41 am

:) - yeah, remember - counterpressure occurs only if there's pressure :).
Otherwise - what Limey said. And agree to take a look in situ even if one of you doesn't like the idea - sometimes the reality (views, general atmosphere) is quite different from what might be expected by the ad.

k3k3
Snr FO
Snr FO
Posts: 230
Joined: Thu Sep 10, 2015 9:44 pm
Location: In the Transit Lounge

Re: Serious help needed

#16 Post by k3k3 » Fri May 10, 2019 9:47 am

Buy a small laser measuring device, estate agents figures are seldom accurate, particularly important if you want to check some favourite pieces of furniture will fit. Laser is much easier than a rule or tape.




User avatar
ian16th
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 5105
Joined: Fri Aug 28, 2015 9:35 am
Location: KZN South Coast with the bananas
Gender:
Age: 82

Re: Serious help needed

#17 Post by ian16th » Fri May 10, 2019 9:55 am

k3k3 wrote:
Fri May 10, 2019 9:47 am
Buy a small laser measuring device, estate agents figures are seldom accurate, particularly important if you want to check some favourite pieces of furniture will fit. Laser is much easier than a rule or tape.
A nomination for understatement of the week/month/year.
Wine improves with age
I improve with wine :YMPARTY:

k3k3
Snr FO
Snr FO
Posts: 230
Joined: Thu Sep 10, 2015 9:44 pm
Location: In the Transit Lounge

Re: Serious help needed

#18 Post by k3k3 » Fri May 10, 2019 10:20 am

I enjoyed it when the estate agent would say this room is n metres by... and I would interrupt them saying "No it's not" while holding the laser measure on the wall.

User avatar
OFSO
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 6638
Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2015 6:39 pm
Location: The Peoples Republic of Islington
Gender:
Age: 75

Re: Serious help needed

#19 Post by OFSO » Fri May 10, 2019 10:36 am

Estate agents photos are even more amusing, taken with their specially designed lenses. One photo showed a Ford Mondeo estate parked in the massive drive, same model as mine. When I arrived at the property, car still there, same registration. Only it was a Ford Focus. This isn't a joke, BTW. Really happened. As for broom cupboards masquarading as second bedrooms.... What we do is overlay plans of present property with potential purchases from same estate agent, assuming that their lies and skulduggery deceptions are at least constant, i.e. all rooms are 20% larger on their plan than reality.....sorry, thread drift! Here in Spain we show purchasors (if any) the builders plans. Since the builders were Dutch there's less fantasy than Spanish plans, not to mention French builders whose plans bear no resemblance to reality whatsoever.

User avatar
Mrs Ex-Ascot
Chief Pilot
Chief Pilot
Posts: 3143
Joined: Mon Aug 24, 2015 7:18 am
Location: Botswana but sometimes Greece
Age: 54

Re: Serious help needed

#20 Post by Mrs Ex-Ascot » Fri May 10, 2019 12:24 pm

Both Limeygal and Probes made good points.

Both our houses (Amorgos and Bots ) were bought as a result of good luck, as both times we were not looking to buy property. On both occasions we were told by a friend that we might be interested in the property in question, and decided that there was no harm in looking. We bought both without any prolonged discussion. You can't beat actually seeing a place.
RAF 32 Sqn B Flt ; Twin Squirrels.

Post Reply